This phone conversation between myself and my best friend, John, is a week old, but I saved it:

Me: I stabbed myself in the wrist today. With a steak knife.

John: Oh no! Are you okay?

Me: Yeah. I missed the vein by a couple of millimetres.

John: How did you do it?

Me: I was opening a box of my novels with a steak knife. It slipped and I almost killed myself.

John: You know, they’ll sell for a lot more if you’re dead.

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