Life in progress

Adventures on my Paper Route – What I wanted to say was….


I had help today! πŸ˜€

Slave... I mean Alex

Slave… I mean Alex

He even took some pictures for me!

His favourite

His favourite

But the real adventure didn’t start until we came across the lady playing catch with her unleashed dog.

Me: (holding Alex by both hands as the dog is running towards us) He’s afraid of dogs.

Lady: Oh, he’s friendly.

Me: But he’s afraid of dogs.

Bitch: (looking around me at Alex who is straining to see where the dog went) Does he want to pet him?

Me: (hanging on to Alex for dear life so he doesn’t run into traffic) No, he’s afraid of dogs.

Psycho bitch: But he’s smiling…

Me: (in my head) Hey fuckflap! Have you ever considered how shitty you would feel if a kid got run over by a car because of your friendly fucking dog that you won’t restrain because you obviously know my son better than I do? Wake the fuck up and listen to me! HE’S AFRAID OF FUCKING DOGS!!!

In reality I said nothing because the dog had run off again. I should have said something.


Author: Linda G. Hill

There's a writer in here, clawing her way out.

42 thoughts on “Adventures on my Paper Route – What I wanted to say was….

  1. I think you should register and trademark fuckflap. I do not fear dogs or most any other critter, but women that use the word “fuckflap” at least intimidate me. LOL love it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I look forward to seeing “fuckflap” show up in the Urban Dictionary any day now. I choked on my coffee on that one.

    Seriously, though…what is it with people that do this? When I tell people I am deathly afraid of snakes, they start emailing me pictures of them.

    I love dogs, but they rank right up there on the Top 10 List of Fearful Things for a lot of people.

    Keep ’em on a leash, fuckflaps! πŸ˜‰


    • I know, right? The same thing has happened to me with spiders. I don’t think she was being intentionally cruel; she’s just plain dense.
      Thanks for the comment. I needed the laugh this morning πŸ˜€ That last sentence will be forever part of my repertoire. haha!


  3. my experiences like this often end with the same thought, “I should have said something…” I do wonder what kind of life I might have if I just spoke up – every time. Probably not the best one, but perhaps more satisfying. πŸ™‚


  4. I think you should have told her what you were thinking. But mostly is sad to see how’s people are blind…I mean if someone is scared you can see it!


  5. And this is why we love you.


  6. I am a dog person, but I still get really peeved at owners who don’t leash their dogs. If you don’t have complete voice control over your dog it should never under any circumstance be off it’s leash. In fact, here it’s the law for your pet to be leashed. You had such amazing control. I think I would have gone off on her!


    • It’s a law here too but she was on her own property (until the dog got to the sidewalk) so I don’t know what the rules are for that.
      Yeah, I’m just too damned laid back for my own good sometimes πŸ˜›


  7. Some people just think they can get away with telling you what you should do instead of putting in some effort themselves. I hate such people. What was the bitch thinking? She was assuming that you don’t know what your child is afraid of and she found out in a minute. And she was feeling good about herself for knowing better what other people’s children like. Nuthead.

    Btw the first part of the post about Alex helping you out was really sweet. Made me smile πŸ™‚


  8. Every neighborhood has a crazy lady….you were just unlucky enough to have contact with her.


  9. Put that boy of yours on a leash!


    • I’ve been tempted. He’s Deaf …he doesn’t always know what’s coming and if he wanders off it’s impossible to call him back or get his attention. Then again, if I learned how to lasso I can kill two birds with one stone… haha


      • Lol. Some kids are just deathly afraid of dogs, no matter how irrational or what the reason. Dog people may not understand this. I’d never understand it either but for the fact hat my best friend growing up was petrified of them for no known reason. He was a big boy and would literally sprint to safety if even a chihuahua came near him.


        • Yeah, two of my kids are like that. It wouldn’t be the first time one of them ran into the road to get away from a mutt that just wanted a sniff. And like your friend, I have no idea why.


  10. “fuckflap” – it almost hurts, it’s so funny.


  11. Yes! It’s a different perspective, but the same, story, really.


  12. First, oh my god that is the cutest person I’ve ever seen — and he looks JUST like you. He’s to die for.
    Next, ugh. Anyone who is alive knows you don’t ever push the dog thing — on anyone. I don’t want anything physical pushed on me and neither did Alex. People are scared of dogs, wake up, it’s ok, just respect, yada yada.
    But oh, my dear, that was a deep belly laugh you gave me when I read your emphatic rant. You -do- know what I mean. Your psycho was showing and I always enjoy reading that. Thank you for another interesting day in the life in progress.


    • It’s like she was thinking ‘I love my dog so everyone must love my dog’. I’ve seen it before but this one really took the cake. The conversation I had with her is precisely word-for-word. It’s like, what part of these 4 words do you not understand? Oh god, here I go again.


    • Oh and thank you.I smile like that the whole time I’m doing my paper route too – no wonder he looks like me. haha


  13. I have the opposite: after a couple of traumatic experiences, my dog is afraid of children. But she is small and cute and it always happens that some mother or, more often, grandmother, without even bothering to ask me, tells the child she is with that it should go and pet the cute little doggie.
    I keep my dog close and explain that unfortunately she doesn’t like children. The woman, undaunted, arguments that my dog is so small and cute, probably meaning that since her child is so small and cute, too, it’s a sort of match made in Heaven. Eggs her child on.
    The child wobbles toward my dog. I stop whatever I was doing in preparation for having to pick her up if it doesn’t give up.
    It comes closer. The dog barks. The child falls on its cute little bottom. It starts wailing.
    The woman gives me a dirty look. She picks the child up making a great fuss as if my puppy had dismembered it.


    • Some people are so sure they know something that they get tunnel vision, ignoring everything around them. We can only hope their stupidity eventually bites them in the rear and not an innocent bystander.
      Thanks for sharing a different perspective. πŸ™‚


  14. Wow. Some people are denser than a brick wall.


  15. Yes it’s obvious that you have no control over your son while this total stranger knows exactly how to handle your child………….. Not;-)


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