How do you deal with people who are slowly but certainly losing their mind? They’re becoming paranoid. You want what is best for them but they just don’t understand. You go out of your way for them: do everything in your power to be kind – but that’s not what they can see. Rather, they see you as cruel; manipulative; out to get them. Nothing you do can ever be good enough.
How long do you keep trying before you give up?
What if you love them?
I’m a strong believer in the philosophy (if you can call it that) that anyone, no matter what their circumstance, can choose to be happy. But what about those with mental illness? It seems that the decision to be anything isn’t an option. Depression, dementia … any number of disorders, are rife within society; within my own scope of experience. Those who voluntarily care for people with mental illness should be granted sainthood, at the very least.
But what of us with only life experience, and no formal training or expertise?
How long do you keep trying?
What if you love them?
lindaghill.com 
April 30, 2014 at 7:44 am
I was saying to Nav that I lost all my emails from wordpress into a folder I had created….and forgotten about – and was wondering where all the posts were from folk! (foolish child!!)
Dearest Linda –
You have to do what is best for them. Sometimes, depending on the situation (and I REALLY MEAN it is very very individual concerning prognosis) – that may mean to remove yourself from them…for their sake and yours. Is it a child and spouse a parent – is the behavior affecting a child ….? So many things to weigh up isn’t there? LET ALONE – how well WE are coping. Strength can come when we least expect it I guess. As I said though – I believe it is relative to the WHO and the WHAT as well. Terribly complex really. It is easy to say – you never give up…I guess it depends on how dependent the person is on you? (ie – child/spouse/parent) and what toll it takes on you – and it can be REAL bad sometimes to the point where the caregiver actually cannot function doing basic things on a day to day basis – well then help is needed and a big decision needs to be made.
Bless you ❤
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May 1, 2014 at 3:11 pm
Thanks so much Belinda, for you kind and supportive words. It is a very difficult situation, in that it really does affect everyone. I suppose in the end my own sanity has to come first. Otherwise everyone loses.
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May 2, 2014 at 6:48 am
Yeah – could be a prob if that goes pear shaped dear ~ 😉
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May 2, 2014 at 3:21 pm
As things usually do. 😛
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April 29, 2014 at 12:24 pm
Aging affects us all in a number of ways – loss of hearing leads to isolation, isolation leads to imagining what people are saying about you, imagining what people are saying about you leads to anger and aggression because you misinterpret people’s motives. A vicious circle that only gets worse if there is no intervention. Best to try to get it out in the open. Hearing is not the only thing that goes downhill
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April 29, 2014 at 8:40 pm
Ah, but so does memory. Getting it out in the open doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t have to get it out in the open again in five minutes. 😉
You illustrate a very valid point though. Thank you for sharing that, Richard. 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 6:52 pm
If you love them then you go on until the end. I mean, if you are their caretaker then you continue until you cannot any longer. If you are a loved one who just visits and enjoys their company, again, you engage them until you cannot any longer. I have had a few people in my life who have deteriorated due to mental illness and what I learned is that as long as they are not harming anyone, I just allowed them to think and feel as they saw fit. You think that there is a monkey under the bed that you have to feed bananas to or they steal your favorite ABBA cd? Cool, let me help you peel some to toss under there. Just make sure you don’t stress over the situation. As long as the person is not harming themselves or others, just continue to love and accept them for who they are – mental illness and all. You cannot ‘fix’ them, you won’t be able to convince them otherwise, so just continue to love them – and loving someone means with all the good, the bad, and the unexplained.
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April 29, 2014 at 8:23 pm
That is a great way to deal with those who aren’t harming themselves, agreed. It’s what I live with my two kids every day. 🙂 Thanks for your input. Much appreciated.
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April 28, 2014 at 4:59 pm
Linda, have you ever read Jill’s blog? http://jillsmentalhealthresources.wordpress.com She had a son with a mental illness and wrote a book about it. She is a wonderful and approachable lady and often sends me emails thanking me for my comments.
I live with depression and paranoia. It’s a daily thing for me. I know how it impacts on those around me but they keep loving me. That’s about all you can do.
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April 29, 2014 at 8:18 pm
Thank you for your insight, Sue, and for the link. I’ll check it out. 🙂
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April 30, 2014 at 5:15 am
Anything for a friend 🙂
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April 30, 2014 at 6:39 pm
🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 8:04 am
I’d probably have terrible guilt and anxiety about it, join a support group, and pray madly. What can anyone do, really? It’s terrible to watch those we love disintegrate, but when you love them, you must. Much like a demanding child, angry for us for not letting him run into the street, or have a third scoop of ice cream, love always brings them back to us again and again, hm?
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April 28, 2014 at 4:28 pm
So very true, Joey. It does with the kids at least.
I’m right there with the guilt, I can tell you that. You guys here on WP are my support group. Thank you 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 2:39 am
All of us have our own pad to go. It can seem impossible to do anything else than just showing them that we still love them.
We can only show them the way as we walk, we can’t walk their pad and then hope they will wake up one day.
It seems difficult to do much more Linda, just know you are doing your best is good enough 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 4:25 pm
I certainly hope it’s good enough. Thanks very much, Irene. Your sentiments, once again, make so much sense.
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April 28, 2014 at 1:43 am
All I know is that we can’t fix anyone and we can’t help them if they’re not willing to accept the help. So what can we do? Just keep on loving them. Love is the most powerful tool we have.
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April 28, 2014 at 4:22 pm
It really is, isn’t it? It can be hard, but you can’t force anyone to let you help them. Thanks for this, my dear. 🙂
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April 27, 2014 at 11:12 pm
What would I do? I’ll just love them cos I can’t un-love them. And pray for the fortitude to carry on.
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April 28, 2014 at 4:20 pm
Can’t un-love them is right. Thanks, Coco for your words of wisdom. 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 4:59 pm
I like your words too
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April 29, 2014 at 8:18 pm
🙂
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April 27, 2014 at 10:43 pm
Pray; even for the strength and wisdom to deal with it. Hope it all works out. Vw
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April 27, 2014 at 10:46 pm
Thanks, Vw. I’ll do that. 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 7:34 pm
🙂
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April 27, 2014 at 10:12 pm
That’s what sucks about mental illness. People rationalize, they think they’re fine, and especially with paranoia, they reason you’re the problem. I have a friend who I finally said, “Look, you’re messed up, you’re messing up my positive attitude, you need help. Until then, I need out.” She’s getting help now. But paranoia is a very different beast. Such actions will only enforce a concept of them against the world, yet to help them does the same. Be gentle, be wise.
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April 27, 2014 at 10:32 pm
I’m sitting here nodding. Good advice, Paul. Thanks for this. 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 9:16 am
🙂 You can it, Linda.
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April 28, 2014 at 4:29 pm
🙂 Thanks.
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April 27, 2014 at 9:54 pm
a nice reminder
to keep loving
myself 🙂
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April 27, 2014 at 9:58 pm
I’m happy you got this message from this. Everyone should love themselves. I need reminding myself sometimes. 🙂
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