I was sitting in front of the bank manager’s desk yesterday, with the bright March sun shining right in my eyes when she asked me, “Are you still a ‘homemaker’?”
“Yes,” I replied. But that’s not really what I was thinking. What I wanted to say was, “no, I’m a writer.”
But then, I figured she’d ask me who I was working for, and I didn’t, of course, want to tell her I didn’t work for anyone but myself.
It’s questions like this that make a thousand thoughts run through your head at once. All the ‘what ifs’ and ‘why don’t I just come out and say it?’ and ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’ It’s funny how fast the brain can work in these moments. The decisions that we make in a split second, some of which can change our lives forever. And what’s scary is, how many times in, say, a year, these split-second decisions come across our desk, our plates or our lives. I can’t remember how many times I’ve said to myself, if only I’d said this, or that. Whether it was something that would have altered my life to a degree that I might not have recognized myself in ten years, or whether it was merely something witty, those moments pass us by like so many lost opportunities and baseballs we know we should have been able to catch if only we weren’t afraid of the pain of impact.
One day I’ll be able to change that decision. I’m going to say, “I’m a writer,” and I’m going to smile broadly AND I’m going to say I work for myself. One day.
Part of ‘Stream of Consciousness Saturday’ (SoCS) – this week’s prompt here: https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/03/21/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-2214/
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