I often wonder if I am alone.
What I mean to say is, I am most happy when I am alone. My imagination and I get along very well, as do I with my loud music. I am happiest when I can dance when no one is watching. I am free-est when I can sing at the top of my lungs, knowing no one is judging my ability. I am most content when I can write without distraction.
So, am I alone in this? Is it a artist thing, or is it just that I grew up as an only child and got used to it at an early age?
I wonder if it has anything to do with the ability or the need to create. I’ve always had my imagination to keep me company. I remember (and it was a memory just jogged this morning) trying to write a book at my mother’s friends’ dining room table – when I was five or six years old. As I grew up I would imagine for myself a different life, in which I had friends and enemies alike. I would write pages of conversations.
Of the people in my real life: an artist friend of mine, with whom I was discussing this topic the other day, told me that she also is happiest and most content when she’s by herself. My mother and my other friend (yes, I only really have two) dislike being alone. Both are creative in their own ways – my mother knits and sews, and my friend is an inventor – but they are not artists as such.
Neither of them understand this need I have to be alone, and so it makes me wonder if I’m strange. I can only ask my artistically inclined acquaintances…
Am I alone?
September 15, 2013 at 9:00 am
I, too, enjoy solitude. I think I am at my happiest when my household is full of all members, but then I’m so happy when they all are gone again. It’s a balance, I suppose. I’m an only, and I’ve never been “lonely” or “bored” in my life, and I think that’s because of imagination.
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September 15, 2013 at 2:01 pm
Thanks for your comment. It seems we have quite a bit in common. 🙂
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August 30, 2013 at 7:28 pm
Actuality, as opposed to reality which is an illusion of agreement, is the fact that we ARE alone, whether we like it or not. The difference is that creative people don’t mind this because they would just as well create another illusion for someone else to admire… and then “agreement” takes over. Artists are the dreamers for humanity.
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August 30, 2013 at 7:38 pm
There we go, that’s the answer I was looking for! Thank you Ronald 🙂
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August 30, 2013 at 7:39 pm
You bet.
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August 29, 2013 at 9:49 pm
I love being alone, too! Some of my friends always have to be around others and I cannot fathom that! My husband and I are both introverts and spend a lot of time doing our own thing- which a lot of people don’t understand, but it works for us 🙂
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August 29, 2013 at 12:21 am
Alone but not lonely. Alone but in solace. Alone but not separate. Alone but not lost.
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August 27, 2013 at 8:06 am
I crave alone time. With two twee babes and a job that is all contact with people, sometimes i just get sick of talking to other people.
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August 27, 2013 at 9:07 am
I’ve been there too. My two eldest kids are 14 months apart in age, and at the time their dad and I owned a full-serve gas station.
I hope you’re able to get time to yourself occasionally. If I was closer, I’d help you out. Seriously.
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August 27, 2013 at 1:26 am
I enjoy alone time. I also enjoy cooking and having a few good friends over for a dinner party now and then. I’m retired and it’s just my husband and I 24/7…when we don’t want to be in the same room together, one of us claims the study. “I’m going to the study = I don’t want to be disturbed.” This works and is fair and we don’t get all upset over it. Our condo has a bedroom, study, living room, dining area, kitchen and a nice balcony. The person not in the study has plenty other rooms to choose from. I think it helps if other family members understand that just because a person wants some alone time doesn’t mean they’re angry.
Ellespeth
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August 27, 2013 at 8:55 am
Sounds like a lovely arrangement! I wish my kids were that understanding, but, … they’re kids! The best I can hope for is that one day they’ll grow up enough to take care of themselves, as long as I’m at least close by.
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August 26, 2013 at 8:03 pm
You’re not alone! I love being alone while I write and imagine and edit. Since I have eight other family members in a tiny house, it’s impossible – so I put in my earbuds and turn the music up!
It’s a creative thing, I guess 🙂
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August 26, 2013 at 8:17 pm
Yes! Thank goodness for music sometimes! I occasionally use it to drown out the background noise. 🙂 Thanks for your comment!
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August 26, 2013 at 7:35 pm
I am the oldest of three siblings but I always felt alone and loved it. My brothers shared a room and interests, my parents shared a room and interests. But “In My Room” I could be anyone or anything. Sure I read and wrote a lot. I drew a lot. I sang and danced.
As a grown up those times grew smaller. Children were always around and their father wasn’t much help. As soon as I set up the proper hierarchy within the group of kids I learned that their father would let me get away for classes or to teach voice and piano lessons. I was given a studio by a close friend. As soon as the kids were ready for bed and a quick story I left the house and walked to my studio where, once again, I had my solitude to use as I liked. The insulation was done to reduce outgoing sound while keeping reflective sound true. I loved it!
Now, years later, kids grown, new hubby, I have found very little of that solo time. I think it is the hardest part of being married. Especially since hub retired. There is NO alone time. I miss it. I NEED IT!
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August 26, 2013 at 8:14 pm
When I got married to my third husband we were inseparable. It wasn’t until things started to go downhill, and I started writing again, that I began to miss my time alone again. I think more than anything, it’s my creativity that needs it. But even when I’m not creating, I’m perfectly fine and content to be alone.
Thanks for the story! It helps me to put things into perspective 🙂
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August 26, 2013 at 10:50 pm
Alone time and naps! That’s what gets my creative juices going. Those naps, quite power naps of about 20 minutes give me story ideas or solve problems in WIP. But the alone time doing the dancing and singing seems to energize the ideas. Does that make sense?
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August 27, 2013 at 8:51 am
My artist friend finds solutions to works in progress when sleeping as well, but for me that never happens. I wish it did! Instead I get stuck and end up distracted for hours or days, trying to come up with a solution whilst attempting to function in life like a normal human being. Exercise definitely helps though!
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August 27, 2013 at 4:04 pm
Yeah, sometimes you have to dance or go for a walk to get all those brain cells firing in the right direction. I think the reason the power nap works for me is my ADD sees everything and everyone as shiny chickens to chase. There are less distraction with my eyes closed and my brain stilled. But you are right on the alone time. It energizes me. Sometimes I need lots of time but other times I just need an hour to pull it all back into focus. Energy = creativity. Cave time makes that happen.
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August 26, 2013 at 5:59 pm
I have no problem at all being alone, I’ve been that way from day one and oddly enough my brother is the exact opposite and can’t stand being alone at all. My better half is very similar to me so quite often even if we are in the same room together for hours at a time a word might not pass between us and neither of us feel that’s odd. We leave each other with our own thoughts and enjoy a comfortable silence 🙂
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August 26, 2013 at 6:55 pm
That’s where the psychology of it gets interesting for me. Assuming you and your brother were raised in the same environment, what’s the difference? That you are creative and he’s not, perhaps?
It sounds like you have a match made in Heaven at home. 🙂
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August 26, 2013 at 3:48 pm
I came third in a family of six children. Although I played with my siblings my real preference was always to burrow in a book. Even from a very young age. I entered that world completely and could shut out all external noise. Having seven children of my own, I’m glad for this capacity. I love to escape to my bedroom to read or write or think. I still enjoy company at times but it takes some time for me feel I need company. I could go months with little social interaction. My work as a teacher makes me crave quiet and solitude even more. Maybe there’s more than one side to us all. As verbose as I can be with others, I can also maintain silence very comfortably. I’ve always thought films that depicted solitary confinement as a punishment rather bizarre! A spa weekend for me, I think. You are most definitely not alone. Hugs.x
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August 26, 2013 at 3:57 pm
Me too on the solitary confinement! I had one day of my recent ten days off during which I didn’t talk to one person all day, and it was great! I’m sure I could go for months as well.
It really makes you wonder how early in life our interests are carved into our personalities, doesn’t it? Thanks so much for sharing 🙂
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August 26, 2013 at 4:18 pm
Or do our personalities carve our interests? Bamboozling. 🙂 x
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August 26, 2013 at 4:58 pm
It is! And I must say, what a great word! Haha!
🙂
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August 26, 2013 at 3:40 pm
No you are not alone I often crave solitude,I can work so much better when there is no one there to nagging me!
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August 26, 2013 at 3:50 pm
How about when you’re not writing though. Do you miss having company?
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August 26, 2013 at 2:59 pm
I’m with you on this. I enjoy my solitude and only having a couple close friends to hang out with from time to time. But ultimately, if I could, I’d spend most my days off somewhere, by myself and a notebook, writing all day. Which causes my job in sales to be immensely stressful 😦
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August 26, 2013 at 3:23 pm
My job is stressful too – and I can’t even go home from it, being that my job is just to look after my kids. 😛 Looking forward to September… 🙂
Thanks, Paul. Good to know there are lots of other writers out there just like me.
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August 26, 2013 at 2:29 pm
You are not alone, dear :). I’ve always preferred to be alone, especially to work on my writing, read it out loud, act it out. I’m not an only child but I remember I always sought out places where I could be by myself. I probably spent more time alone than most kids my age. And I still need that alone time. I am most creative and productive when I know I will have hours of uninterrupted time. But I am also an introvert. By nature, I prefer having just one or two close friends (aside from my husband). I like people, just not all at once 😉
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August 26, 2013 at 2:43 pm
I think I’m going to have to look up the definition of ‘introvert.’ I never thought I was one – I like people’s company in general, but I also need my alone time… more often these days than I used to.
Thanks for the comment, Marie 🙂
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August 26, 2013 at 2:58 pm
I highly recommend the book Quiet by Susan Cain. You can find more info at http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com. Her book helped me to understand my introverted nature and to know that I was in good company.
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August 26, 2013 at 3:20 pm
Thanks, Marie. I’ll have a look at that 🙂
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August 26, 2013 at 1:35 pm
I love to be alone and I think that it’s very good for people to have some alone time. In today’s world we are always surrounded by other people, their thoughts, their views, and their influences. It’s hard to escape that because of T.V., phones, computers, radios…True alone time is wonderful and should be cherished. I’m glad that you get to experience that in your life.
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August 26, 2013 at 1:47 pm
I do my best. 🙂 Thanks for the comment and the input.
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August 26, 2013 at 1:31 pm
I wasn’t an only child, but I played a lot by myself. My imagination was kept me occupied and out of my parents’ hair. I think artists manage to retain and hone their imagination through life, but I wouldn’t say alone. Maybe it’s more that we’re able to handle being alone better than others?
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August 26, 2013 at 1:46 pm
That’s really my question – does having a good imagination make it easier to be alone? I suppose to some extent we all HAVE to be alone. But in my case, I crave long periods of time – days – without interruption.
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August 26, 2013 at 2:43 pm
I think it does. You can drift away from the loneliness instead of dwelling on it when you have a strong imagination. The downside is that you can find yourself unable to focus when around other people. That might just be me.
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August 26, 2013 at 3:19 pm
Me too, Charles. I guess that’s why so many writers thank their spouses for their support in the opening pages of their books.
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August 26, 2013 at 3:22 pm
Interesting. Never thought of it that way.
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August 26, 2013 at 3:26 pm
It’s a sacrifice … probably why I’m single. It also means I have the kids to look after by myself.
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August 26, 2013 at 3:37 pm
The kid definitely puts another twist on things.
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August 26, 2013 at 3:49 pm
Yes. When you have a spouse, let’s face it, you have a live-in babysitter. When you don’t… One way or another, you’ve got to spend time with them, or you end up single like I did. 😛
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August 26, 2013 at 1:18 pm
Linda, I am like you. I crave time alone to write, to read, to listen to music. I’m also an only child/youngest of 5 by more than 10 years, however, so I’m not certain if it’s that or the artistic inclination.
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August 26, 2013 at 1:40 pm
It’s interesting, isn’t it? It may be related to the old ‘nature vs. nurture’ argument. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone! 🙂
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August 26, 2013 at 1:12 pm
As you mentioned not having to worry about being judged and the feeling of being free are advantages of solitude. What I like about solitude is that it leaves time for reflection, focus and recharging.
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August 26, 2013 at 1:37 pm
All those things are very valuable to me as well. Thanks for the comment 🙂
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August 26, 2013 at 1:08 pm
When i’m trying to be creative (I mainly write plays for the stage) I find that real people invade my space. They’re not characters in the scene. They shouldn’t be there. I always remember at high school, and we were forced to watch the movie of Shakespeare’s “Othello”. Just as Othello strangled Desdemona, my friend said, “Do you want a jelly bean?” Yes – other people can destroy the creative process (I reckon).
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August 26, 2013 at 1:36 pm
When I know I’m going to be interrupted I don’t even start writing – it’s way too frustrating! Thanks for your input m’dear. 🙂
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August 26, 2013 at 1:07 pm
no one is truly alone… Writers tend to be introverts and solitary people… it is a solitary practice for the most part… I use to write in public places so that I had human contact during the creative process, but I no longer do that preferring now to write when I am alone and undisturbed by the outside world…
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August 26, 2013 at 1:35 pm
Yes, I only go out to write in a coffee shop for instance if I’m looking for inspiration. Thanks for your feedback, Tim. 🙂
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