Writing sex scenes, for some authors, can be most intimidating. I’ve seen this mentioned time and again when reading other people’s blogs. Whether you enjoy reading about hot sex or not has little bearing; for one thing, you probably don’t know the intimate details of the novelists life, and so you can pretend or not that they did or didn’t actually experience what you’re reading. When you’re the one writing it, however, I suppose it depends how self-conscious you are.
Take the scenario where you’re sitting down to watch a movie with your parents and a graphic sex scene comes on the screen that you weren’t expecting. Awkward, right? If so, you probably don’t want your parents reading your steamy novel. My own mother used to get up and leave the room when I tampon commercial came on tv. I don’t think she’ll be down for reading my novel.
The question is, do you tone down your writing for fear of family and pointing fingers saying, or even thinking, I know what you’ve been doing, or do you just ignore it and omit from every conversation with your family that you’re a published author?
Where do you draw the line? What do you do?
Only three more installments to go in my fiction A-Z! Read today’s here: http://lindaghillfiction.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/x-is-for-x-marks-the-spot/
Any ideas for a title for my A-Z story? Please let me know!
April 30, 2014 at 6:14 am
Oh I am so glad you asked this question….now please can you answer it for me? It is sometimes not even the sex thing is it? Just concepts can get folk hot under the collar! Especially if it is a ‘based on truth novel’ and the truth is – well – revealing or incriminating. Puts a spanner in my creative and writing spokes EVERYTIME!! Gosh darn it!
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April 30, 2014 at 6:52 pm
Yep, you’ve got that right. It’s not just about sex. Makes me wonder if Nav would have gone incognito if there weren’t legal reasons to do so…
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May 1, 2014 at 5:41 am
Good question that really. I think it is too late for me to do the incognito mode? I SUPPOSE I could – but ya know – all the hard work here….*poof* 😉
Maybe I just need to grow some titties and slap on my big girl panties. ( I REALLY do NEED to grow some titties actually)
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May 1, 2014 at 5:00 pm
*sigh* The perfect pair are so hard to grow. And then by the time you’ve finally got them right, they reach for your knees.
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May 2, 2014 at 6:57 am
….they grow? WHY did they not tell me?!!? 😛
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May 2, 2014 at 3:21 pm
Unfortunately not until everything else grows exponentially. 😛
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May 2, 2014 at 5:13 pm
Oh….. But they never seem to grow at the same pace somehow! 😛
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May 2, 2014 at 9:57 pm
And I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to purposely lose weight, but the titties are always the first to deflate somehow. 😦
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May 3, 2014 at 3:47 am
Exactly – and when you put some back on…they stay the same… DON’T they 😛
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May 4, 2014 at 10:46 am
Yes! Ugh!
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May 5, 2014 at 2:58 am
😛
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April 29, 2014 at 9:53 am
In my first book, I found myself taming things down, worried what people who knew me would think. I tried not to do that in my second. Then again, I tend to shy away from sex scenes, so I’m mostly talking about language and violence.
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April 29, 2014 at 8:36 pm
I was much more cautious when I started out as well. Then again, the book I’m going to publish first is actually the third one I’ve written…
Thanks for sharing, Carrie. 🙂 I’m really looking forward to reading your work!
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April 29, 2014 at 8:41 pm
Thank you. 🙂
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April 29, 2014 at 9:17 am
I don’t think this topic would draw much virtual ink in Europe; They (Europeans) would just go “huh?”
But, here in (I am making an assumption about most who are commenting here) America…
Nation founded by Puritans… ’tis a curse we still live with. If we were talking raging violence, well. Not much discussion.
Or, am I completely off-track?
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April 29, 2014 at 8:34 pm
You are SO on track. I was thinking the same thing, actually. And really, how much sense does it make? Why would anyone prefer violence over love?
Human nature is weird.
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April 29, 2014 at 1:46 am
The biggest question I’ve run into when I think about writing sex scenes is “Can I approach this with the same amount of maturity as the rest of my story?” I’ve read great pieces of fiction that suddenly have a steamy sex scene that, while provocative, seems like a nipple slip at the Oscars.
If I were to do it, I would probably be more comfortable drawing inspiration from Christopher Moore’s Fool and make it bawdy, naughty, and other words that don’t rhyme. Less erotic and more satire.
As for family and friends, that wouldn’t be as much of an issue. I would probably give them a heads up about potential adult material. Or not, depending on who it was…
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April 29, 2014 at 8:31 pm
It’s true! So many times I’ve been seriously enjoying a book and then it gets to the sex scene and suddenly it’s like reading something a teenager wrote – sloppy, with lots of giggling. (That’s me who’s giggling because – ugh. Grow up.)
Excellent idea to tell family and friends what to expect ahead of time. Then they can decide for themselves whether or not to read it. 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 7:46 pm
Good post. And I agree with everyone, write what you feel….just write it under a different name. 🙂
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April 29, 2014 at 8:27 pm
Yeah, easy for you to say. Haha! 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 7:18 pm
I ignore what people say. I do write and read about it. What my family says has no consequence. The way I see it, they aren’t me. They don’t get to make the decision on what I read or write about
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April 29, 2014 at 8:26 pm
Funny how it’s hard to act like an adult when your mother still treats you like a child. Me, that is. At 50 years of age. Imagine!
I like your philosophy, Meredith. Maybe one day I’ll grow up. 😛
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April 29, 2014 at 9:14 pm
My mother does too as well to me. I’m 23 and I still live with her. I love her dearly but I don’t want to live on my own without her near me. She needs me
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April 29, 2014 at 9:38 pm
You are a wonderful daughter to stay by her side. 🙂 She must appreciate you very much.
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April 29, 2014 at 9:40 pm
I don’t deserve her praise but it’s nice to know I mean something to her. I try anyway. 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 7:17 pm
You can’t tone down your writing for a few people that may or may not read that graphic scene anyhow. Go for it, sister.
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April 29, 2014 at 8:24 pm
😀 True – can’t please everyone, right?
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April 28, 2014 at 6:53 pm
I would just go for it! If I felt weird about my parents reading it I would immediately take it to them and watch their faces while they read it. I think facing your fears is the best way to go. 🙂
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April 29, 2014 at 8:24 pm
Wow. You’re braver than I am. Haha! 🙂 Thanks for adding your point of view, Cassie. 😀
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April 29, 2014 at 8:44 pm
I would be shaking in my boots, but I would do it with the mindset of let’s just get this done. Then it’s over and hopefully the next time you won’t feel so weird about it. 🙂
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April 29, 2014 at 8:45 pm
…or you wouldn’t have to worry about it because they’d never read another word you’ve written again. 😛
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April 29, 2014 at 8:51 pm
Haha! Yes, exactly!
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April 29, 2014 at 8:55 pm
🙂
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April 29, 2014 at 9:07 pm
You know what…you’ve inspired me! I’m going to write something real steamy and go let both my parents read it this week. Maybe I’ll even blog about it. 🙂
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April 29, 2014 at 9:08 pm
Best of luck! Don’t get disowned. 🙂 I’ll watch out for your report on the subject 😀
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April 28, 2014 at 5:29 pm
I write what happens, if it includes sex, then I give just as much detail to that as I do to any other important scene. The hope is that people are so interested and engrossed in the book, they don’t stop to ask, “Hey, I wonder if this is how Joey has sex, or how Joey likes sex, or if Joey wears these kinds of panties, ya know? My own parents are not prudes and probably wouldn’t pay it any mind, but my MIL…well…
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April 29, 2014 at 8:20 pm
There’s always one in the bunch we have to worry about, isn’t there?
Thanks for sharing your philosophy on the subject. Good point. 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 4:47 pm
Your mother would cringe at one of the tampon commercials on tv right now. Although most feedback is that women think it’s funny. Actually I think it has it’s funny parts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWkkkxiW9XQ I still laugh at the woman on the bus.
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April 28, 2014 at 4:56 pm
Hahaha! I’ve actually had a tampon fall out of my purse – but only one. Mortified definitely fits the bill on that one.
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April 28, 2014 at 5:00 pm
Most of the ladies at work love the photo one at the end. Got to love being a woman. rofl
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April 29, 2014 at 8:18 pm
Yep! Yep yep yep. 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 4:30 pm
I wrote an immensely detailed sex scene. It spanned three thousand words? There about. I put it under a pen name on a site that no one will think I’ve written for. I actually violated the ToS (on a porn site, wtf?) and they took it down (or so I assume since I can’t find it anymore). I’m not telling you how.
There can be sex in novels, though I mostly just want the novel. There cannot be a novel in my sex, that’s not why I’m reading it.
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April 28, 2014 at 4:35 pm
I REALLY didn’t understand that last sentence.
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April 28, 2014 at 4:38 pm
When I read erotica, I want to get to the good stuff. You don’t need 20 pages to tell me how the prince is riding off to rescue the princess. If I wanted that, I’d read LotR. I want to read about the prince stripping her down and taking her. Though…ahem, trying to cut back on the porn in all its forms.
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April 28, 2014 at 4:42 pm
Ah, okay. Makes sense now.
Is there any romance/erotica in the novel you’re having published?
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April 28, 2014 at 4:43 pm
If there’s dialogue while they’re stripping, yes. Otherwise it’s basically “And he went into her. The next morning….”
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April 28, 2014 at 4:52 pm
Short and sweet then. Although I have a feeling that’s the last thing a guy wants to hear regarding his sex scenes. haha.
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April 28, 2014 at 4:56 pm
As long as I’m satisfied. That’s the man answer, right? Don’t worry, Linda. In my head there are at least three pages dedicated to those intimate moments. I just don’t write them 😉
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April 28, 2014 at 7:45 pm
That’s the most ponderous line I’ve read in a long time…. 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 7:46 pm
Ha thank you, I think. And such a low brow comment 😛
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April 28, 2014 at 4:18 pm
so far family and real life friends have not read any of my steamy sex scenes. But it’s a valid question
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April 28, 2014 at 4:24 pm
It’s one I’ve been pondering for years, actually. 😛 It might even be part of what’s preventing me from getting on with my editing.
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April 28, 2014 at 4:05 pm
I hardly write sex scenes, but some of my poems are pretty suggestive and I know I sure don’t want my dad to read them. But that shouldn’t be a problem since my family has no idea I even write poetry 😉
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April 28, 2014 at 4:06 pm
Yep, hiding it is definitely a good way to go. 🙂
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April 28, 2014 at 4:10 pm
Although I did think about giving my dad a copy of our Voices of Nature book except with his disability he can’t hold a book or turn pages so I’m just keeping it a secret. I did give a copy if Dreams of Love to my daughter though.
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April 28, 2014 at 4:34 pm
I wonder if it’s different for mothers and daughters, with the romance stuff. Only having sons, I know they wouldn’t be interested anyway. But then the sex scenes I’m sure would scar them for life. So yeah … no. 😛
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