Linda G. Hill

Life in progress


43 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – He’s at it yet again

This phone conversation between myself and my best friend, John, is a week old, but I saved it:

Me: I stabbed myself in the wrist today. With a steak knife.

John: Oh no! Are you okay?

Me: Yeah. I missed the vein by a couple of millimetres.

John: How did you do it?

Me: I was opening a box of my novels with a steak knife. It slipped and I almost killed myself.

John: You know, they’ll sell for a lot more if you’re dead.

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If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion


43 Comments

I Could Have Died!

When someone famous (I thought it was Hemingway; upon investigation, I found that it could have originated from numerous people) said something like writing is easy: just bleed on the page, I don’t think they were talking about bleeding on the book after it’s written. But I almost did that today.

My friendly local UPS man came to my door with the first of two boxes of my books. I signed for it and hurried into the kitchen for a knife to open it. That was my first mistake.

As I sliced open the box, the knife slipped and I stabbed myself, millimeters away from the vein in my wrist.

It doesn’t look like much, but it’s deep.

So if you want to buy a copy of my book, for pity’s sake please buy it directly from Amazon and not from me! You may never get to read Book 2!!

There were only six books in this box – when I get the other 44, I promise to try to avoid slitting my throat. 😉

 


11 Comments

#SoCS – I Admit to Things

I have a few things to admit to today, it seems.

I admit that although I drive to the bus station, spend $4.50 to get on with Alex (because he loves bus rides) and do an entire route just to get off at the same station, it’s not all that bad, regardless of how much I complain about it. It’s one of the few times every week I get to observe people.

I admit to buying Alex a child’s ticket even though he’s sixteen years old. He’s small enough for me to get away with it, and it’s not as though he could get a job. His mentality is that of a six- going on two- going on adolescent-year-old.

I admit that I feel bad about the torture I put Belinda, my cover artist, through, considering I can’t pay her what she’s worth – a million bucks.

I admit that although I have my book set for release on June 27th, I have no idea how to organize a cover reveal (sorry, Belinda), or run a blog tour. (If anyone wants to help with these things once I get them figured out, please email me at bacamjoly at gmail dot com. Thanks!)

I admit to laughing at this until I cried

(Horrible of me to laugh – it’s all in the execution, though. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.)

I admit to wanting to read all the other admissions in the SoCS posts this week because I’m nosy.

I admit that I’ve run out of things to admit to. For now.

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday … er … Sunday. Click the link and read all the other posts – you’ll find them in the comments. And join in – it’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2017/06/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-1017/


29 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – A Dog’s Purpose

Winston made me laugh: he jumped up on the couch and sat on the remote control, changing the TV to the pay-per-view channel featuring A Dog’s Purpose. Good boy!

____________________________________________________________________________

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool new badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion


38 Comments

Attack of the Puppy-Sized Spider

So I’m driving down the highway last night, cruising along at about 115km/hr (around 75mph) when out of the corner of my eye I see the silhouette of a spider crawling down my window.

“Oh God, it’s a spider,” I exclaim to my adult son in the passenger seat.

“I see it,” he says.

“Can you kill it? Without going across my line of sight?”

“Maybe,” he says. He’s panicking too. He hates bugs. He once tried to jump out of a moving van because we had a fruit fly travelling with us. No joke. Okay, he was three years old at the time, but you get the picture.

“If you can’t kill it, just watch where it goes. Tell me if it gets too close to me. NO WAIT! Don’t tell me.”

“Okay. I won’t tell you. But you might want to pull over.”

“I can’t pull over for a spider!! We’re on the frickin’ highway!”

“Okay, okay,” he says, sounding more anxious than ever. “But you don’t want to know where it is right now.”

“DON’T TELL ME! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?” We’re passing two transport trailers at this point, and I’ve sped up to 130 to get to the offramp. We’re almost home.

“NO! No, it’s okay. It’s nowhere near you.”

We stay quiet. I’m trying to sit as far away from the driver’s door as possible; I can see him looking my way out of the corner of my eye.

“It’s really dark,” he says. “I don’t see it anymore.”

I get off the highway and force myself to stay calm until we get to the parking lot of the nearest Tim Horton’s. As soon as I park the car I start looking for the beast.

“It crawled along your arm and into the back seat,” my son admits. “It was only this big though.” He holds his hand up and forms an “o” that’s less than the size of a dime.

“No, it’s huge,” I argue.

He looks at me, but says nothing.

“Well, thank you for not telling me it was crawling on me,” I say. “I didn’t want to die tonight.”

“Me neither.”

Then I say, “Okay, I’m going in to get a coffee. You stay here and look for the spider.” (It’s such a privilege, being a mom.)

“Get me a croissant,” he says. It’s the least I can do.

A few minutes later he comes into the restaurant. “I couldn’t find the spider.”

“Oh no,” I sigh.

I managed to get us the rest of the way home without freaking out last night, but we still haven’t found the spider. Despite the fact that it was the size of a puppy.

Anyone want a really cheap car?


11 Comments

#SoCS – Smell

I have a funny smell in my house right now. I think it’s a bag of garbage that needs to get out to the garage. Maybe I should put it out before it leaves by itself. Yeah, it’s gonna grow legs soon – that’s how ripe it’s getting.

It must really suck to have a sniffer as good as my dog’s. I can throw a dog biscuit out into the back yard and he’ll find it with his nose. He’ll start with a wide circle and go around and around in smaller circles until he finds it. It’s a target.

Winston

He’s definitely a hound.

When I write, I try to include smells. It helps to put a reader into the story when they can relate a smell to a scene. So what would fiction for dogs be like? All smells with the occasional command stuck in that they can relate to?

Other dog, other dog, cat, food, bone, SIT! Pant pant omnomnomnomnom…

Bestseller. New Pork Times.

This (woof!) post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link and join in! https://lindaghill.com/2017/05/26/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-2717/


16 Comments

#SoCS – Language

I find the mechanics of language both fascinating and frustrating. The acrobatics your tongue needs to accomplish when making its way around different languages is something I’ve never really mastered. I know enough French to make my way around Quebec without getting arrested–in Japan… let’s just say if I was about to be arrested, I was totally oblivious. Yet in the case of speaking French, I barely do. I can read most of it, and I can understand a lot of it when someone is speaking to me, but actually forming the words myself? I trip over my tongue like it’s six feet long. When I lived on the Quebec side of the Ottawa River, my local grocery store employees were used to me. They’d speak French, I spoke English, everything was understood and there was no gross salivation to worry about.

Japanese is a much easier language to speak. There’s very little tongue rolling going on, and most of the consonants sound the same as they do in English. Reading it? Pfft. Although I got to know the kanji for place names when I was there (because at the train stations they’re displayed in English, kana, and kanji), and obviously I learned the difference between “Men” and “Women” before I stepped off Canadian soil, much of the written language may as well be Greek. Or Japanese.

Lip reading, on the other hand, is a whole different subject when considering the tongue. Try it: say “dada” and “data.” Concentrate on what your lips look like when you say the two words. No difference. What changes is the position of the tongue. Even trying to say it with your mouth open, it’s impossible to show the difference to a deaf person. I was introduced to this difficulty when my Deaf son, Alex, was about four years old. The local children’s hospital (CHEO in Ottawa) had him in a program to see if he could ever learn to speak. He had hearing aids at the time, but they only allowed him to hear very loud noises. Speech wasn’t one of them. Eventually it was determined that because he never learned to suck as a baby (he’s tube fed to this day and he’s 16 years old) he’d never have the muscle control to speak. We gave up on the hearing aids when he started getting ear infections every other week. But back to the tongue. There are a few sounds that we make when we speak that are impossible to discern from our lips.

Holy spit balls, Batman! I just realized where the expression “mother tongue” came from! Sucking as a baby!!

…and, now I can’t concentrate on my stream of consciousness anymore.

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. To find the rules and join in, click the following link. Please do – it’s fun!! https://lindaghill.com/2017/05/12/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-1317/