This may be strange – it’s something I’ve never talked to anyone about before – but once in a while I kind of sit back from myself. Hmmm…no, that’s not right. (Maybe this is why I’ve never talked about it before.) Try again. Sometimes I look at my life and wonder how I got here. By here I mean in this house, in this town, with these people I live with. I guess that’s the strange part about it. ‘These people’ I live with are two of my kids. Of course I know ‘these people’ – I gave birth to them. …wow, right? I am responsible for the existence of ‘these people’!
Anyway, this is something I’ve done over and over again in my life. Just sat back and looked at where I am and what brought me here…living with my kids.
For the first time in the years I’ve been doing this however, this morning I did it and it scared me. I realized that this is what dementia must feel like. How did I get here? Who are these people? That there might come a time when I can’t smile and answer those questions for myself – that there might be a time when I’m asking these questions for real…
I think I have a new appreciation for what it must be like to have Alzheimer’s Disease.
But am I weird for doing this in the first place? Or does everyone do this once in a while?
lindaghill.com 
April 25, 2013 at 2:18 am
I’m the wrong person to ask whether something is normal or not. Nice post though – thought provoking!
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April 25, 2013 at 7:04 am
Is there really such a thing as ‘normal’ anyway? 😛
Thanks, I’m glad you liked it. 🙂
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April 24, 2013 at 10:32 pm
I do it, too. I do it on quiet days when I’m content to sit and stare out the window. I do it on days when all my children are together and happy.
As I currently live in a limbo of sorts, I find I’m anxious to do it in a new place. Who would we be if we didn’t analyze the journey?
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April 24, 2013 at 10:36 pm
Drifters I suppose, without imaginations. I’m learning a lot here today. But then that’s nothing unusual on WordPress. 🙂
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April 24, 2013 at 3:39 pm
The curse of a writer is that we are always thinking about thinking and about our existence, our reality, and trying to find ways to explain it.
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April 24, 2013 at 3:44 pm
How very accurate that is. 🙂
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April 24, 2013 at 3:03 pm
I’ve never done it. But I should. I’m just too scared of what I would find…
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April 24, 2013 at 3:08 pm
I think the worst part of it is realizing that whatever you did to get ‘here’, you did it alone – your choices, your movements, your ideas… and that doesn’t ever change.
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April 24, 2013 at 3:11 pm
That’s part of the problem. I’m afraid to realize that I’m a good for nothing and I wouldn’t have done anything if I didn’t receive help!
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April 24, 2013 at 3:14 pm
The only way help helps is if you accept it. That is to your credit.
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April 24, 2013 at 2:19 pm
I haven’t done this exactly, but just as oddly, I’ve had moments where I sort of blank on what time of year it is. I know it sounds weird (and it probably is), but I’ll just blank and have to think for a second about where we are in the year. It always unnerves me … but yep, I’ve done it several times. No gusta, huh?! 🙂
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April 24, 2013 at 2:57 pm
I think we all get little glitches of some sort or another. I find the older I get the more ‘what was I doing?’ moments I have. I’m told that can be stress related but one way or another it’s no less annoying!
Thanks for commenting 🙂
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April 24, 2013 at 2:17 pm
I do it every now and then. Maybe by doing it you’re going to be able to remember more as you get older. Memories and thoughts are stronger the more we utilize them.
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April 24, 2013 at 2:53 pm
True, memory is one of those ‘use it or lose it’ things. You may be on to something there 🙂
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April 24, 2013 at 2:04 pm
I do this too, and I think its perfectly normal. Or maybe I just want to believe that 🙂
I think this is just a more profound manifestation of “stopping to smell the roses.” Our lives move very fast, and we often coast through it because we have a lot to handle every single day. Its no wonder that when we stop to reflect, what we see looking back can be a little jarring. Not in a bad way…just in a slightly surreal way. I think in these moments maybe we realize on a deeper level that we are, in fact, real.
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April 24, 2013 at 2:09 pm
Not only real, but alone… Entities in and of ourselves. Good point you make. Thanks for your perspective. 🙂
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April 24, 2013 at 2:03 pm
This made me laugh but only because I’ve done this too. It’s unsettling for a moment until you come back to the comfortable state of peace with who you are and where you are…and I agree, this must be a taste of what dementia feels like and it scares the crap out of me.
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April 24, 2013 at 2:04 pm
Thank you for letting me know I’m not the only one! 🙂
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