Greetings from Pavorisms.
Starting in a few days, your regularly scheduled operator will be unavailable for a couple of weeks, and she wanted to leave some of her regular features in capable hands to make sure you felt warm and snuggly knowing that your regular Stream of Consciousness Saturday posts would go uninterrupted.
But we all make mistakes in life, and she picked me as one of the stand-ins. You’ll be getting a prompt from me in a couple of weeks, and if things really go sideways, you may end up seeing some of my regular content here as well. If that happens, I recommend you just keep your head down. I can’t guarantee that there won’t be baby bodily fluids involved. I, uh… I brought a tarp. I left it somewhere around here. Just huddle up and make a friend, okay?
Am I qualified to stand in at a writing blog with a readership far beyond my normal, tiny circle? Here’s the skinny: When I was in high school I wrote prolifically. Awful short stories, horrible poetry, a really ill-advised novel, and a play that was maybe not so terrible. Then I stopped. I don’t know why. I think I knew my writing was about as appealing as a pile of badger droppings and decided I’d do the world a favor and stop dropping those little nuggets.
Then, in college, I picked it up again. This time, I stuck to plays, and I wrote a pretty good one and a handful of not-so-bad ones. A couple of them saw production at high schools and community theaters, and though I never made a dime off any of them, they convinced me that maybe I wasn’t entirely devoid of talent. But then I stopped again. Probably that badger droppings feel again, possibly the disillusionment with my chosen field of study, likely a total lack of confidence.
A few years have passed, now, and something inspired me to pick up the pen again. Starting in March of this year, I began the transcontinental trek of adapting my pretty good play into a full length novel, and peppered that with an (almost) weekly short story and a heck of a lot of reflection about writing and parenting and running, all of which I do with dogged regularity. Something clicked, and now I can’t stop. As a result, I’ve got a manuscript of about 96,000 words (yeah, I get a little obsessed with word-count) that I’m waist-deep in editing, and, oh, probably about 150,000 words of drivel not unlike what you’re currently reading over at my blog, Pavorisms. (If you’re curious about what I tongue-in-cheekly refer to as my capital “W” Writing, you can find my collection of short stories there as well.) In short, it’s been a productive year. (Whether or not any of what I’ve “produced” qualifies as readable, entertaining, or fit to print on toilet paper remains to be seen. I mean, badgers “produce” poop, as we’ve already established.)
So, uh, am I qualified to be here standing in for Linda? Meh, maybe not, but as Jules said in Pulp Fiction, “I’m tryin’ real hard to be the shepherd.” I don’t know what herding sheep has to do with the current situation, but it’s Samuel L. Jackson speaking there, and we all know you don’t fargo with that motherfargoer.
At any rate, I’ll be providing you with a prompt at next week’s end and maybe a few tidbits besides. In the meantime, if you felt like heading my way and giving me a read, that’d be super, too.
And, of course, my thanks to Linda for handing me the keys to the car while you’re out. I promise that I will kick it into reverse when I’m done with it and run all the miles back off before you get home. Don’t worry about the dents in the chrome, those will buff right out. Also, I don’t know anything about the scratches on the side panels, the crack in the windshield, or the bits of gore in the grille.
In fact, let’s just pretend I was never here.
December 4, 2014 at 5:33 pm
That was fun to read Sir! 😀
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December 4, 2014 at 6:18 pm
Glad to hear it!
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December 3, 2014 at 2:40 pm
Nice to meet you Pav. I’m looking forward to seeing what you can do with Linda’s blog. Do you clean too? My sister house-sits and she always leaves the houses cleaner than when she started, her secret for getting repeat business, so maybe you can have a go at that sticky stuff in the corner (Paul tends to get messy) 😉
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December 3, 2014 at 3:43 pm
I clean only as much as I must. Paul is on his own.
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December 3, 2014 at 11:24 am
(*cracks up before the end of the second paragraph*) I am really looking forward to this!
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December 3, 2014 at 3:44 pm
I will do my best to deliver!
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December 3, 2014 at 7:34 am
Looking forward to your content Pav! Welcome!
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December 3, 2014 at 3:44 pm
‘preciate it 🙂
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December 3, 2014 at 2:24 am
Hi Pav — thanks for doing this! Looking forward to it. 🙂
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December 3, 2014 at 3:45 pm
It’s a pleasure. Linda really sparked me a few times with her SoCS posts, so paying it forward is really the least I can do.
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December 2, 2014 at 6:11 pm
I’m sure you will do well even if it is a Ferrari
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December 2, 2014 at 6:41 pm
I’m a minivan dad, even a Camaro is too much style for me.
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December 2, 2014 at 5:09 pm
If you just raise your voice a tad I think you will just get away with it!! 🙂 I shan’t tell a soul!
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December 2, 2014 at 6:42 pm
Go create a distraction. I hear Linda’s really upset about some jerk ruining her car.
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December 2, 2014 at 6:49 pm
Okay i shall throw a wobbly and you can sneak under the radar!! 😉
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December 2, 2014 at 6:54 pm
omg what’s a wobbly?!
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December 2, 2014 at 7:04 pm
A hissy fit
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December 2, 2014 at 7:14 pm
Wibbly Wobbly with it then!
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December 3, 2014 at 1:35 am
OkAy ! 😉
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December 2, 2014 at 4:51 pm
I’m sure you’ll just fine here at Linda’s blog. My past is similar to yours but I left writing alone for over 30 years. I’m a virgin reborn.
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December 2, 2014 at 6:28 pm
I heard it grows back after that much time.
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December 2, 2014 at 4:29 pm
As usual, you got a chuckle from me. 🙂 You’ll do great entertaining the troops, I have no doubt. 😀
…wait, didn’t you promise me a new car…? 😉
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December 2, 2014 at 6:30 pm
No promises were made as to the state of the car.
It might be in the junkyard. In multiple locations. Basically you have to put it together by scavenging multiple other cars. But still… new to you, right?
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December 2, 2014 at 10:20 pm
A Lego car! Yeah, I’ve been spending too much time around kids too. 😛
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December 2, 2014 at 3:56 pm
I already can’t pretend you were never here – your post was that good! Made me chuckle. Linda chose well.
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December 2, 2014 at 6:30 pm
Thanks 🙂 Glad you enjoyed it!
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December 2, 2014 at 3:50 pm
If Linda believes in you then so shall we. I look forward to the ride!
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December 2, 2014 at 6:39 pm
I hope you signed your waiver!
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December 2, 2014 at 7:13 pm
Signed, sealed and filed under G.
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December 2, 2014 at 3:27 pm
Hey Pav! I think that gore in the grill is the remains of one of Linda’s nemeses. She’ll be glad he’s gone. ha! Welcome. You do know that anyone who writes here long enough gets to go to Japan, don’t you? It comes with the blog.
Oh, backing those miles off? – put the car up on jack stands, put it in reverse, put a block on the fuel pedal and go home to bed. When you come back in the morning there will be less miles on the car than when Linda left – she’ll think you got her a new car. Ha!
I’m sure you’ll do fine as a subsitute teacher, but we’re a pretty rowdy class, so be prepared. Linda whips us in line. Yee Haw!
Best of luck with your writing endeavors. We’ll all be rooting for you – to have a fellow blogger who gets published males the rest of us look good – we’ll bask in your glow. So, get glowing.
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December 2, 2014 at 6:40 pm
I think I could develop a pretty nice glow in Japan. Thanks for the vote of confidence!
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