The last piece of mail I received was from the people who provide medications to my mum’s retirement home. She doesn’t get her own mail anymore–it confuses her too much. They accidentally gave her her Visa bill last week and she’s been phoning me obsessing over it.
Anyway, this bill for meds comes to about $1.50 a month. Maybe less. I never know whether to pay it, because the bank charges more (I think) for processing fees than the bill is worth. It’s like the outstanding balance of $.79 I have on my credit card right now. Is it worth it? I dunno.
Alex and I went to see my mum today. As you might have guessed, she’s out of the hospital and back at the retirement home. At this point, though, she gets confused about where she is when she’s in her room. She’s having a hard time finding her way around the building, and everything worries her. She’s almost at the top of the waiting list for a nursing home–I think it’ll only be a couple of months–so when they get to her, she’ll be moving. Not the best situation, but what can you do? If she goes back to the bottom of the list, she won’t get one of the nicer places if it becomes a necessity.
Whatever I do, she’s not going to understand. She’s going to blame me for however she feels about it because I’m the only one she has. I’m responsible for whatever happens to her.
*sigh*
It’s much easier making decisions for your kids’ lives than it is your parents’.
SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/
This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday! Click the following link to read all the other posts (you’ll find the links in the comment section) and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/03/22/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-23-19/
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March 25, 2019 at 9:25 pm
I hope your mum gets into the nursing home soon and that it’s better. You’re doing a good job, Linda. Take care of you, too!
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March 29, 2019 at 9:21 am
Thank you for your encouragement, JoAnna. I need all I can get some days. ❤
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March 29, 2019 at 6:48 pm
❤
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March 24, 2019 at 4:40 pm
Oh, yes, oh, yes. Yes, she needs to move to the next level of care before she absolutely needs it. And yes, she’ll blame you if she’s unhappy. Before my mom got dementia, she used to tell me, “When I have to go to a home, I hope I don’t complain and want to come home all the time. If I do, just remember now, when I’m telling you that I know you’ll always make the best decision for me.” She was the best, my mom. And she DID complain and want to come home. And it did make me feel bad, but I did remember what she had said, and it helped. I tell you this story because I know your mother KNOWS inside somewhere that you would always only make the best decision for her. Bless your heart.
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March 24, 2019 at 2:52 pm
Life is hard and Alzheimer’s is an unkind soul. We look after Hubby’s mother. She is 98yrs old and as fit mentally and physically as is possible to be. Yet it is very difficult to sort things out for her and keep her happy. Lynda my dear you are doing your best and that’s all that can be asked of you.💜💜💜💜
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March 24, 2019 at 2:21 pm
I know what you mean. My grandmother blamed my mom for putting her in a nursing home but it was necessary. My mom has voiced so many times that she doesn’t want to go in one but we all know that if/when the time comes, she will have to too. It’s just the way it is. Hugs to you!
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March 24, 2019 at 10:30 am
I read a good description today that we are the sandwich generation between looking after our parents and our children. I don’t think either is easy and we get squashed and squished and bent out of shape in the middle trying to do our best. Just remind yourself that that is what you are doing. It is all we can do. Good luck.
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March 24, 2019 at 9:27 am
It’s difficult being a caregiver, especially for someone who used to take care of you! It’s one of those things no one really talks about.
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March 24, 2019 at 9:18 am
Those of us heading in your moms direction are sorry we get that way when our brain no long gets it. Many prayers for peace for you as a precious caretaker.
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March 24, 2019 at 8:10 am
I’ve never been a caregiver like what you are dealing with. But I can relate to the pressure you are under. Nonetheless, you are doing what is in your mother’s best interest and that is commendable.
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March 24, 2019 at 7:33 am
Caregivers get the worst bits of everything. The changes must be hard for her to cope with, but it’s not easy for you, either. We fought with someone once over some piddly amount of a bill that never stayed the same. Finally, we sent them $2 and made it their problem to figure out.
I hope you have a good week, with better mail.
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March 24, 2019 at 6:00 am
Being a caretaker is not an easy role. It is especially hard when it is a parent who does not necessarily understand what is happening to them. We recently went through a similar scenario, so I understand how you are feeling. Just remember to throw some self-care into the mix.
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March 24, 2019 at 4:25 am
Yes, Linda, I think you are right about that. It is easier dealing with your kids because you control them whereas your parents have always been authority figures and it is hard to reverse the roles. My parents live in a cottage on our property so that we can keep an eye on them. When my mom was ill recently it was like dealing with a terrible two year old.
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March 24, 2019 at 2:26 am
Yes, this happens. But there is nothing we can really do about it. There are responsibilities which we cannot ignore.
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March 24, 2019 at 1:02 am
Your frustration is palpable. And warranted.
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