Life in progress


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I’d’ve’n’t had insane issues, if …

I’d’ve’nt (I would have not) had the insane issue of being too tired to write this post if I’d been able to sleep last night.

And the night before.

I’d’ve’nt had the insane issue of being alone to look after my mum (who’s okay, by the way–thanks for all the good wishes) if I hadn’t been an only child.

But there was nothing I could do about that.

I’d’ve’nt had the insane issue of wanting to learn everything now, if I hadn’t been me.

But I am.

I’d’ve’nt had the insane issue of having to keep remembering how to spell “I’d’ve’nt” every second line if I hadn’t asked for a suggestion for an “I” word.

But I did. (Thanks again.)

I’d’ve’nt had the insane issue of wondering if “I’d’ve’nt” shouldn’t be spelled “I’d’ve’n’t” if I hadn’t been an editor.

But that’s one of the things I HAVE learned.

And it’s bugging me.

Because there’s no red squiggly line under I’d’ve’n’t.

So someone out there agrees with me.

I’d’ve’n’t had the insane issue of figuring out how to end this post if I hadn’t started it.

That’ll do.

Thanks to the three people who gave me my three “I” words for today’s “n’t A – Z” post. You’ll find two blogs and one Twitter account under the three links for “I’d’ve’nt,” “issue,” and “insane.”

Looking for “J” words … anyone got a “J” word for me? One per person, keep it clean if you please. I’ll accept the first three I get … remember, the oldest comments are at the bottom of all the comments on my posts.


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Mother Hen

It’s hard to not act like a mother hen some days, especially when you’re a mother and you’re responsible for your own mother.

She’s back in the hospital again. My mother, that is. She fell today when she was outside having a cigarette, and she cut her head open. Smoking is dangerous to your health, I tell you!

She’s had six staples in the back of her head and a CT scan to say that’s all that’s wrong with her this time. Unlike last time when she fell and broke her neck. At least it wasn’t that horrendous.

Now, I’m just waiting for my eldest son to come home from work at 11:30 pm so I can go pick up my mum and drive her back to the retirement home.

Oh, to have harmony in my life.

Thanks so much to the three ladies who gave me today’s “H” words. You’ll find their links under the words “hen,” “horrendous,” and “harmony.”

I could use some “I” words for tomorrow’s illegal A to Z post. One word per person in the comments, and please keep them safe for work. Also note when you’re looking in the comments to see if I already have my three words that the oldest comments are at the bottom of the page.

Thanks!


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#SoCS – Med Mail

The last piece of mail I received was from the people who provide medications to my mum’s retirement home. She doesn’t get her own mail anymore–it confuses her too much. They accidentally gave her her Visa bill last week and she’s been phoning me obsessing over it.

Anyway, this bill for meds comes to about $1.50 a month. Maybe less. I never know whether to pay it, because the bank charges more (I think) for processing fees than the bill is worth. It’s like the outstanding balance of $.79 I have on my credit card right now. Is it worth it? I dunno.

Alex and I went to see my mum today. As you might have guessed, she’s out of the hospital and back at the retirement home. At this point, though, she gets confused about where she is when she’s in her room. She’s having a hard time finding her way around the building, and everything worries her. She’s almost at the top of the waiting list for a nursing home–I think it’ll only be a couple of months–so when they get to her, she’ll be moving. Not the best situation, but what can you do? If she goes back to the bottom of the list, she won’t get one of the nicer places if it becomes a necessity.

Whatever I do, she’s not going to understand. She’s going to blame me for however she feels about it because I’m the only one she has. I’m responsible for whatever happens to her.

*sigh*

It’s much easier making decisions for your kids’ lives than it is your parents’.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday! Click the following link to read all the other posts (you’ll find the links in the comment section) and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/03/22/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-23-19/


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My mother, my basement, and my eye – Is 2019 over yet?

So let’s start with my mum. I haven’t written an update on her for a while.

She’s still in the hospital, even though her pneumonia is cleared up. For a while there she was so lethargic and unwilling to move that the doctor told me it was likely her dementia’s progression, and that she’d never get better. So last week, on her 89th birthday in fact, we had a meeting with the hospital’s discharge planner, the head nurse from her retirement home, and myself. My mother refused to get up and walk, so it was decided that I needed to start looking for nursing homes. She wouldn’t even lift her hand to feed herself.

I explained it all to her when the meeting was over, and it was as though a switch flipped. The next day she was up walking.

It took a few days, but I convinced them to go back and reassess. Yay! I thought. She’d be able to go back and live somewhat independently! But no, now her ankle is swollen and she can’t put any weight on it. The x-ray turned up nothing, so gout, maybe? The good news is she’s more alert and less confused than I’ve seen her in a long time, probably due to not smoking for a month.

And even better, she seems to have forgotten that cigarettes exist. She hasn’t asked for one in three weeks.

Fast forward to yesterday morning, I was sitting in the living room with Alex (who was supposed to go to his dad’s this weekend but didn’t–it’ll be at least 2 months again before I have a break), when my eldest son came upstairs and said he thought a pipe had burst. There was water under his desk in his room.

When I got down there, half the basement was flooded. All the cardboard boxes on the floor and everything in them, I figured, was ruined. Turned out it wasn’t the whole basement once we got stuff moved, but the leak had been ongoing for some time. The stuff that was ruined was really bad. The good news is I think we’ve managed to plug up the hole, which is half-way down the wall in the concrete behind an electrical outlet. The bad news is mold.

Fast forward again to this morning. The windy weather made Alex decide he wouldn’t get dressed to go to school. So we did our usual dance when he’s misbehaving, him screaming at me and punching me and me ignoring him the best I can until he complies. Which he always does, eventually, and usually with minimal damage until this morning when he decided to hit me in the side of the head with his sock. It wouldn’t have hurt except he got me in the eye. My only good eye. The other one is legally blind.

So I’m off to the eye doctor today, just to make sure there’s no serious injury. The sock in question was one he’d worn before, and I think he had it on downstairs yesterday. Nothing like an infection to ruin your entire life …

Happy, happy, joy, joy.

The bright side? Alex actually went to school today on the bus, even though there’s snow. Keeping my fingers crossed we’ll finally have a full week of school, the first one this year.

 


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Day 2

Day 2 is much like Day 1, Day 1 being yesterday, the day of ice.

Except Day 2 doesn’t involve ice falling from the sky. Now, ice is on the ground. Still keeping Alex from going to school.

Alex, who is at the moment gleefully jumping up and down in unison with the contestants on “The Price is Right.” Screaming as if he was just called up onto the stage.

We took down the Christmas tree yesterday. It didn’t help. Cross superstition off the list of causes for this year’s luck.

In other news, my mother has been diagnosed with hypo delirium. She may recover. Good news, though: her lungs are better. So the pneumonia is gone.

Yet, I am stuck at home. Unable to visit the hospital. Unable to escape the screams, joyful as they are.


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As the pneu turns, aka what I’ve been doing today

Yes, I know. Pneu means tire in French and this has nothing to do with tires. It does have to do with pneumonia.

Start from the beginning shall we? Actually, I don’t remember that far back, so starting at yesterday will have to do.

Yesterday afternoon I picked my mother up from the hospital, from a three day stay. The first thing she asked for was a cigarette. I asked her if maybe she thought it would be better to wait a day or two to smoke since she still had pneumonia. Her answer: “I’ve already waited two days!” I then said that maybe waiting another two will mean she can get better and not have to go back to the hospital where she can’t smoke at all.

So she had a cigarette before she even made it to her room in the retirement home. I went off to get her meds from the pharmacy, and when I came back, she wanted another one. I tried again to reason with her, but no. So I sat outside with her in the -20C-with-the-wind cold while she hacked and wheezed through another cigarette.

At 5:15 this morning I got a call from the home. She was having trouble breathing and did I think she should go back to the hospital. I asked the nurse to keep an eye on her and she agreed.

At 4:00 this afternoon I got another call. They were putting her back in an ambulance. I arrived in the emergency room a little while later, and as I stood at her bedside, holding her hand, she asked me why she was back in the hospital. I explained to her that she had pneumonia and smoking had put her back in there. “I told you yesterday,” I said, “that if you smoked you’d wind up back in here,” to which she smiled and replied, “You’re a wonderful daughter.” I couldn’t roll my eyes hard enough.

She seems to be worse now than she was when she went in on the 23rd, to me at least. But they’re not sure they’ll keep her, so I might be going back to pick her up in the dead of night.

I have my doubts.

And that pretty much sums up my day. Nay, my weekend: I have my doubts.


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Balance – #JusJoJan 2019 Jot #25

It’s a hard thing to find, balance. I spend far too much time sitting on my butt, writing, editing, and canoodling on social media. Even the balance between time spent writing and promoting is a difficult one. But what I need more than anything is exercise.

So it’s nice when there are natural consequences that lead me to doing what I should be doing. Like today, for instance, I walked to the hospital to visit my mother. (I was able to go because Alex finally went to school! Yay!) It was a choice between a fifteen minute walk and fifteen minutes of shoveling my car out of the driveway. Yeah, the shoveling might have been better exercise, but I still had to walk fifteen minutes to get home as well. AND I saved $4.50 for parking.

My mother is doing a bit better, by the way. She looked better, though her breathing is still laboured. The doctor asked me if she’d ever been diagnosed with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), to which I replied no. But it’s not at all far-fetched that she has it, since she’s been smoking since she was 14 years old. Her 89th birthday is in three weeks. So once I get her home, it’s going to be a matter of explaining to her that if she doesn’t quit, she’s going to die. She won’t understand, and if she does understand, she won’t remember the conversation 45 seconds after we have it.

With dementia, it seems, there is no balance.

On a personal level, I put a lot of faith in balance. I’m a Taoist at heart. The yin yang symbol is all about balance. An equal amount of black and white/feminine and masculine.

Each is contained within the other.

I miss Tai Chi. Which is something that would help my mother. If I had time to get her out of the retirement home.

Most of my lack-of-balance issues come from being the one responsible for everyone else. Being a single mother and an only child in the sandwich generation ain’t easy.

Then there’s the balance between sobriety and drunkenness.

I think I need more wine tonight.


“Balance” is the prompt word for today, brought to us by JP. Thanks, JP! Click here to find her JusJoJan post for today. And say hi while you’re there!

 

It’s never too late to participate in Just Jot it January! Click the following link to find out how, and see all the other participants’ links in the comment section. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/01/25/jusjojan-2019-daily-prompt-jan-25th/