Life in progress


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#SoCS – That Arrangement

The actual line, to put my post into context, is, “I wonder what Nina will think of that arrangement,” out of my own book, The Magician’s Blood. It was the closest book to me when I decided to write my SoCS post.

The line made me think about all the things we don’t have control of. Things that circumstances, or maybe even the universe, arranges for us. It’s scary to feel like we’re not in control of our lives, of our situation.

I find the control I have over the little things in life helps quell that fear. Even if it’s only an illusion, knowing that I can decide what to do with my time at least some of the time makes me feel like I’m in charge. What I do with that time isn’t always good or productive …

Is procrastination a lack of control? I suppose it is. It’s certainly a lack of discipline.

I need to take control of my procrastination.

Make it disappear.

Go away, procrastination! I’m sick of having no control over you!

There. We’ll see if that works.

(Note to self: read this post every day.)

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This self-chastising post is brought to you (and me) by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link and join in. Do it now! https://lindaghill.com/2019/06/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-8-19/


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Power Over a Dream

I have a recurring dream of being stuck in an elevator. Over the years, I’ve connected it to being stuck in a rut, being undecided about something, or being worried about which direction my life is going. You see, the elevator doesn’t just stop – it takes over. It has a life of its own, going up, down and sideways. Sometimes it is much smaller than the shaft and it swings on its cables. Sometimes it stops between floors and the doors open – revealing to me the scariest thing of all: the dark, dirty elevator shaft.

I had the dream again last night, but this time it was a little different. The elevator continued to have control, but I overcame the dream.

I was in a three storey building and I got into the elevator with two men. I wanted to go from the third to the second floor, but for some reason I couldn’t push the button, so the elevator went to the first floor. The men got out, and I pushed the second floor button, but I ended up again on the third. I allowed the door to close, vowing that if I missed the second floor again, I’d get out on the first and take the stairs. Of course, when the doors closed, the elevator took control. We went up to the roof and started going sideways. I had a window in the elevator then (why? It was a dream) and I could see the tops of the other rooves from where I was.

Instead of panicking, however, as I usually do in this dream, I pulled a piece of paper and a pen out of my bag and I sat down and started writing. I figured if the elevator wasn’t going to do what I wanted it to, I’d make the best of it with the time I had on my hands.

Pretty cool, eh? If only I could remember what I wrote. It might just have been brilliant.