Life in progress


One-Liner Wednesday – Drive Slowly


I went for a new brain scrape COVID-19 test today at the local drive-thru testing site. There were lots of signs saying “Drive Slowly.” As I got closer to the attendants (I was the only one in the drive-thru maze again) I saw a sign that read “EVEN SLOWER.” I should have taken a picture. Would have if I hadn’t been flying past it…

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#SoCS – No thanks

Along with all the stuff I had to do today…

The 24/7 parenting thing…

The full-time job that’s 7 days a week lately…

The feeding myself thing…

All that stuff…

I went to get a Covid-19 test.

Not because I think I have the disease or because I’ve been around someone with it, but so I can go and visit my mother in her long-term care home.

For, like, the first time since March.

As soon as I have the test results, I can see her for a couple of weeks, give or take, before I have to be tested again.

So what it comes down to, is I hope I’m not a container for the disease.

See what I did there?

What was the test like?

I’ll tell you.

It was a drive-through testing site, so I didn’t have to get out of the car, but I did have to follow some really confusing pylons. Because I was the only car there, and they had that loopy-loop thing through the parking lot. As my son pointed out, I was like that character in Shrek, running back and forth through the roped-off empty line-up.

So I get to the front of the line, finally, after feeling like I’ve just gone through an obstacle course for the World’s Worst Driver (no, I didn’t knock down any pylons), and the nice PPE’d lady took my health card to check to see who I was, etc. She came back a few seconds later with a two-foot-long log swab to stick up my nose. Before she did, she explained that it was quick, but it would feel sort of like when you breathe in pure chlorine water from a pool. What she didn’t tell me is that if you clench too hard and they can’t get the knife swab up far enough, they’re going to ask you to swallow. Had I known this earlier, I’d have had some spit in my mouth.

But no. No spit. So the sword swab was up my nose that much longer.

But still, before I knew it, it was over. She gave me back my health card and said I could leave. But to take my time and wait until I’d stopped bawling like an infant my eyes had stopped watering before I drove away. There was still not a single car behind me.

So yeah, if you have to get a brain scrape a Covid-19 test, take spit with you.


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This painful post was brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Find the prompt here and join in!