Life in progress

A Difficult Day

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It’s been a particularly tough day with my son, Alex today. For those of you who aren’t familiar with him, he’s a Deaf, four foot tall, cute as a button thirteen year old who has somehow managed to combine adolescence with the terrible twos. He has scabs on both knees from a fall he took last week. They were both healing nicely but …

Alex can’t leave a scab alone. It doesn’t matter if he opens it up again, he’ll just keep picking and picking until it gets infected and I have no idea what to do. Today I tried the following:

1. Telling him “no.”

2. Taking away his laptop and turning off the tv.

3. Putting him in his room.

4. Saying please (trying to reason with him).

5. Putting a bandage on it. (He took it off.)

6. Restraining him.

7. Ignoring him.

8. Putting a cloth damp with rubbing alcohol on the cuts (which by that time were oozing pus).

9. Threatening to put MORE alcohol on if he didn’t stop touching it (in the end he held the alcohol-soaked cloth on it himself).

And what, of all this worked eventually? Ignoring him. For a limited amount of time.

This has been my day from the moment I woke up to the moment he finally went to sleep after whining that his knees hurt for about an hour from the time he went to bed.

Any suggestions? Because I’m looking forward to the same thing tomorrow and every day until he goes to his dad’s on Monday… and at this rate every other day ’til Christmas, if it’s healed by then.

P.S. If you “like” this post I’ll consider it support. 🙂

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Author: Linda G. Hill

There's a writer in here, clawing her way out.

50 thoughts on “A Difficult Day”

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  1. SomeKernelsOfTruth's avatar
    SomeKernelsOfTruth
    August 21, 2014 at 11:31 am

    Wow, I wouldn’t know what else to do, either…good luck. I wish I had some other idea to share, but I do offer you moral support! 🙂

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  2. shanjeniah's avatar
    shanjeniah
    August 21, 2014 at 3:15 am

    We are an entire family of pickers, and we try to help each other.

    For your son, I’d suggest, rather than taking things away, extra treatments, or calling attention to what he’s doing, that things that keep his hands occupied might be better, because the more you focus on the wounds and those imperfect scabs, the less he’s going to be able to leave them alone. He’s not being defiant, I’m guessing. If he’s anything like me, it’s a compulsion!

    If he signs, could you talk more, or read together? Could he act out what he sees on the TV or laptop? Could you go outside, or someplace like a museum that had lots of things to look at/and or touch? Fingerpaint? Bath or shower (soft scabs are harder to pick at). Cook together? Blow bubbles? Do yoga?

    I’m thinking anything that could occupy his hands and his mind might be enough to do the trick. Maybe try to explain that you’re only trying to help him to feel better, and, if you can, see yourself more as a firefighter coming to his rescue than a police officer who must enforce a no-picking rule and impose consequences for violations. It can help tremendously if he feels you’re on the same team…

    Of course, you know him and your dynamic better than I do. If these ideas don’t work, maybe they’ll give you some new directions to find some that will.

    I will be thinking healing thoughts, and trying to keep my own fingers off my scabs…taking a shower, soon! =D

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    • Linda G. Hill's avatar
      LindaGHill
      August 21, 2014 at 6:11 pm

      Thanks so much for all the suggestions. 🙂 I do actually do a lot with him, but unfortunately it takes only a few seconds to knock the top off the scab. Being alone, I can’t make sure he’s never unsupervised. Speaking of which, you’re so lucky to be able to have a shower!! 😉

      But you’re right – keeping it positive is the key. I’ll keep looking for ways to do so.
      Thanks again 😀

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      • shanjeniah's avatar
        shanjeniah
        August 23, 2014 at 4:48 am

        I know how fast a scab can go. I’m wondering now if he’d enjoy other things that use similar motions. Advent calendars, pull tabs…but then, he could maybe pick them in his sleep, even…

        No easy answers, I guess. I wish I had a magic wand for you- maybe one that doubled as a shower head and bestowed the moments of peace needed to enjoy it…I remember what it was like to never be able to relax when I was in the bathroom.

        Positivity helps, even if just to keep yourself from going round the bend. It also helps to remember that you’re human and therefore unlikely to be able to be positive all the time.

        Hoping the scabs can stay at least a bit ahead of the fingers!

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  3. joey's avatar
    joeyfullystated
    August 20, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    Moo picks all hers, too. She’s riddled with white scars because she can’t leave them alone. I’ve been explaining secondary infections to her since well before she could say secondary infection. Her siblings, all of which suffer from eczema, have spoken to her, yelled at her, etc. One thing which did work for a time, and seems to work from time to time, is making an elaborate fuss, putting a salve on, and wrapping it in an Ace bandage whenever possible. It seems absurd to do this for a tiny wound which would heal well with a simple washing and a Band-Aid, but sometimes it works. So yes, you’d think our child had a sprung ankle, but it’s really just 22 mosquito bites. We don’t like the trails of blood throughout the house, either.
    At any rate, I’m sorry for your frustration. :/

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    • Linda G. Hill's avatar
      LindaGHill
      August 21, 2014 at 5:59 pm

      Thanks for your commiseration, Joey. I wish he’d leave a bandage on, but aside from stapling it to his skin, I haven’t found a way. I go for a pee and it’s off again. 😛

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  4. earth2bella's avatar
    earth2bellas
    August 20, 2014 at 10:11 pm

    Distraction maybe? Something requiring lots of finger action like crochet or friendship bracelets. Or maybe cutting and filing his finger nails for damage control. Or pull up pictures from google and explain the science of healing and what is actually happening inside of him when he gets hurt/picks. I feel ya on this one 😕

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    • Linda G. Hill's avatar
      LindaGHill
      August 21, 2014 at 5:58 pm

      The other obstacle I have is not being able to communicate with him effectively. I’m still learning sign language – he’s much more fluent than I am. When school is in I rely heavily on them to explain things to him. So while I can tell him no, I can’t always tell him why I’m saying no. It’s frustrating!
      Thanks for the suggestions. 🙂

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  5. suzjones's avatar
    suzjones
    August 20, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Oh dear. They don’t get any better with age Linda. I lost count of how many times last week I had to tell my adult son to ‘stop picking’. And if we bandaged his wounds, he would complain that it was hurting and take the bandage off.

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  6. willowdot21's avatar
    willowdot21
    August 20, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    I am afraid I have no answers but I am sending you my support!

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  8. Colleen Chesebro's avatar
    Silver Threading
    August 20, 2014 at 7:43 am

    Parenting is just tough all around. There is no book (always thought a book should drop from the heavens when they were born). Just do the best you can. We are all human. Hang in there. Breathe…

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  9. beth's avatar
    ksbeth
    August 20, 2014 at 3:46 am

    personal attention and time spent with you.

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  10. IreneDesign2011's avatar
    irenedesign2011
    August 20, 2014 at 2:01 am

    Tough time Linda.
    Maybe you could get him involved in the healing process in one or another way. If you can eliminate the scratching, he will not give it so much attention. Scratching is very annoying, I know just from my own daily meetings with mosquitos here.
    I use either lotion from pharmacy, aloe vera or beewax. Maybe he could be allowed to come to you, very often, and get this treatment to do by himself in front of you. Thst helped for me. Good luck and let us hear about your results.

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  11. Opinionated Man's avatar
    Opinionated Man
    August 20, 2014 at 1:15 am

    I feel particularly helpless when reading your posts Linda. I wish you the best. -OM

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  12. Paul Davis's avatar
    Paul Davis
    August 20, 2014 at 12:21 am

    Don’t have boys? Ultimately keep him occupied. Severely occupied. And wrap an Ace bandage around it several times after cleaning it really well and likely putting a gauze over it. Otherwise? Boy. (I know you’ve had others, but I know I wasn’t too far off from this kid. Mom just kept yelling at me.)

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  13. autismthoughts's avatar
    autismthoughts
    August 19, 2014 at 11:49 pm

    I can’t leave scabs alone either. They just feel uncomfortable so I keep picking at them until they heal. I heal pretty quick though so this was only a problem once when I needed stitches, but they glued it together instead.
    I’d say the best way to deal with it is to ignore it and to give him other things he can do. Like putting alcohol on it or putting band aids/ cloth bandages on it. The key is having him do it. If you do it, it’s a nuisance. If he does it, it’s a distraction.

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    • Linda G. Hill's avatar
      LindaGHill
      August 20, 2014 at 4:45 pm

      Excellent idea. Thanks very much!
      I remember picking at scabs myself when I was a kid. I also remember stopping when I was told to stop. 😛 (Maybe that’s selective memory though. Haha)

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  14. Ravyne Hawke's avatar
    Lori Carlson
    August 19, 2014 at 11:27 pm

    Ah yes, I remember now about him being tube-fed. Well I am glad the ignoring is working. That may be the best way to go with him.

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    • Linda G. Hill's avatar
      LindaGHill
      August 19, 2014 at 11:30 pm

      It is in most situations – but it’s hard to walk away when you know your kid is gouging himself. If only I could take his hands away! Grrr… 😛
      I appreciate your suggestion – thanks very much, Lori. 🙂

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  15. Ravyne Hawke's avatar
    Lori Carlson
    August 19, 2014 at 11:17 pm

    How about positive reinforcement, like for every hour he leaves the scab alone, he will get a favorite treat or dinner food (maybe even get him to help cook as a way to keep his mind off of his knee).

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    • Linda G. Hill's avatar
      LindaGHill
      August 19, 2014 at 11:24 pm

      That’s actually how ignoring him worked – the second he stopped picking, I paid attention to him.
      He doesn’t eat, so food doesn’t work – he’s tube-fed and he has everything he wants within reach unless I take it away. Attention seems to be the thing. 🙂

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      • Lucie's avatar
        Lucie
        August 20, 2014 at 11:11 am

        Good morning Linda, may be you could suggest to take a picture of his knees, let’s say, twice a day , and like that he could see the improvement day after day. And I am sure you don’t want to take his hands away…How could he tell you how much he loves you….? Have a great day. Hugs and kisses to you all.

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