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Can’t you just stop?!

That’s what I wanted to say to a teenager today as I walked past her. She was recounting some story or another to two of her friends and I swear, this is what her speech was like:

So he was like, “what?” like I don’t, like, know and it was like, “haven’t you ever like, liked someone before?” and he was like, “no,” and so I like…

and on and on it went. I seriously almost stopped to ask her if she could utter three sentences without saying the word “like” once. But I didn’t in case doing so caused her to have, like, a seizure or something.

It’s similar (see what I did there?) to listening to a hockey player give an interview.

And uh, I did my best out there, and uh, I think we played a great game, and uh…

Makes you wonder if they teach it in hockey school. Luckily they don’t hesitate to shoot the puck the way they pause between clauses.

And then there’s those who can’t seem to help dropping the f-bomb (I really hate that phrase – f-bomb) between every third and fourth word. Yeah, I won’t – don’t need to – write an example. Do I? Nah. We’ve all heard it. It can get very uncomfortable too, depending on who you’re with. Chances are there’s no point asking the f-‘ing person to stop – they’ll probably do it all the more because what are they doing it for in the first place other than to get attention?

I suppose we all have our speech patterns though. I think I see mine when I write, which makes me more aware of them. I catch my characters sounding like me… I wish they wouldn’t.

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