Life in progress

Category Archives: Funny


by 22 Comments

#SoCS – Gimme some skin!

Skin is an organ, right? Sure it is. (Looked it up because I was only 99% sure.) You know what else I looked up? The phrase “give me some skin.” That was exactly what I thought it was too. But I was surprised at how many “give me some …”s there are in the Urban Dictionary. Many surprised me. Some even include other organs! Look if you dare.

Give me some skin is such a friendly one, though. As long as you don’t mind sharing your organs. Of course, some people go much further and share their kidneys. Not both, of course. That would be fatal. Potentially. Still, you don’t see people going around saying “gimme some kidney …” *Checks Urban Dictionary … OOh, if you click on the last one on the list, you get more. But no, there’s cabbage, but no kidney.

Then there’s the exchange of organs–an eye for an eye. That doesn’t make much sense, does it? Unless you jip someone out of an eye that has 20/20 vision when yours is less. Haha! Gotcha! But then you have the potential difficulty of having two eyes that don’t match in colour. How awkward! (I have one blue and one green … it’s really not that awkward. But you know, stream of consciousness and no editing …) I’m using a lot of ellipsis in this post. I don’t usually.

Anyhoo, lots to do. There are a couple of actual blog posts I’ve been meaning to write. *gasp! So much to do.

This silly post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find lots of other posts to read in the comment section, and join in yourself. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/07/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-21-18/


by 14 Comments

#SoCS – How?

How am I supposed to do this? I’m asking myself that a lot lately. Between the advertising methods I need to learn, affiliate codes and links and landing pages … GDPR? Don’t even get me started. I need a privacy policy now just to have a newsletter … have you actually read one of those things? (A privacy policy, not a newsletter.) They’re pages of mumbo jumbo. But I have to get all this done soon because … I can’t say. Just know that there’s a big announcement coming  very soon. Maybe tomorrow.

I wonder if Shakespeare had to deal with all this stuff.

Thou’st are not compliant

Fie upon your dogg’d insistence!

Mine eyes cast daggers on thy curs’d GDPR!

Yeah, I doubt it. And no, Shakespeare I am most definitely not.

This short, sweet, archaic post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday! Click the following link and join in today! https://lindaghill.com/2018/07/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-14-18/


by 30 Comments

#SoCS – ‘Sup?

Holy cow, is it really ten to twelve? Where did my Saturday go? I know I spent a lot of it proofreading my book, but there must have been bits in between, because I only got about a hundred pages done.

Most of that time I spent in the car with the windows down, enjoying the breeze off the lake. I did take a little walk when my eyes needed a break. I found this guy, standing on a rock.

If you can’t tell, it’s a heron. Compared to the ducks in the first picture, he’s a biggie.

Let’s see, what else did I do? Oh yeah. About an hour after I finished my McDonald’s coffee, I started to feel icky so I went to Tim Horton’s to pick up a bagel for supper. Then I took it back to the lake and ate it, sitting in the parking lot in my car, beside a Winnebago. Unfortunately I didn’t think of the joke until after I’d finished eating, otherwise I’d have taken a picture of myself beside the other vehicle whilst holding my food. I could have captioned it: Winnebago? No, I bought it.

Get it?

Yeah, it’s been a long day.

‘Sup with you?

This bad, bad post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link and check out all the good posts, which you can find in the comment section. https://lindaghill.com/2018/07/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-7-18/


by 31 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – When messing it up gets it waaayy wrong

Here in Canada when we want to check the weather, we go to The Weather Network. I got my tongue twisted over it the other day and came out with The Nether Wetwork. Good for a giggle, but oh, the implications.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely new badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Cheryl, at dreamingreality646941880.wordpress.com/


by 44 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – We speak the same language. I think.

Conversation between my best friend and I:

John: Hey, have I told you what happened since the last time I talked to you?

Me: No … I haven’t talked to you since the last time I talked to you …

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely new badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Cheryl, at dreamingreality646941880.wordpress.com/


by 21 Comments

#SoCS – My Own Worst Enemy

I admit it: I wasn’t thinking straight when I came up with today’s SoCS prompt. If I had, I’d have realized that because my real favourite word isn’t fit for a family-friendly blog, I’d have to come up with another “favourite” word that wasn’t really my favourite. If I’m nothing else, I’m honest. However, the real reason I wanted to use this prompt was to see what other people’s favourite words are.

The question comes from my memory of watching “Inside the Actors Studio.” (The lack of an apostrophe is something I’d never noticed before. My editor’s brain has given me new insight–love it when that happens.) I remember thinking that if they asked me the same ten questions they ask the guests on the show, my favourite word would be the same as my favourite curse word. And I also remember thinking that if I answered the question honestly, I’d blush. I loved watching that show – I’m amazed to find upon researching it that it’s still running. Twenty-two seasons and counting.

I found this from the show:

I have so many second-favourite words, I can’t pinpoint one. Phenomena, because it reminds me of the “Me na me na” song from the Muppets; moist, because it’s the underdog of all words for some strange reason; coffee, by association; magic, because of what it represents to me; there are so many!!

But my favourite word of all …

…

…

Nope. Not telling.

This evasive post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the participants’ posts in the comments and join in with one of your own! https://lindaghill.com/2018/06/01/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-2-18/


by 31 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – It’s a Con-undrum

If I can’t come up with a one-liner for my own prompt, will I go to jail? More importantly, how will I be sentenced?

 

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely new badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Cheryl, at dreamingreality646941880.wordpress.com/


by 39 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Smart Dog, Scaredy Cat

As a tribute to Dan Antion, our outgoing-badge designer and guy who can’t write a one-liner to save his life, my own One-Liner Wednesday is going to go a bit long.

I was sitting on the couch tonight, minding my own business, when Winston started to whine. I looked up and saw him sitting in the middle of the floor looking down at nothing.

“What is it?” I asked him.

He gave me a pained look as if to say, If I could talk, I wouldn’t be sitting here crying.

So I went over to see what he was whining at. There was still nothing.

I asked him again, “What is it?”

And that’s when he pointed to something with his nose. I bent down to get a closer look, and low and behold there was an ant. It was a fair-sized one, and it was still very much alive.

I praised Winston for letting me know we had a bug in the house, and I went to get a tissue to scoop it up and get rid of it.

Why he didn’t just step on it or eat it I have no idea. But he did tell me about it.

Good dog, Winston!

Winston, my pointer-outer/smart dog/scaredy cat.

Cheers to Dan for his lovely badge! We’ll miss it! Thank you, Mr. Antion!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

 

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


by 15 Comments

#SoCS – Smoothie

I have an earworm. The song “Smooth” by Santana and Rob Thomas came on the radio yesterday, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. My neighbours might have it in their heads too, since I had it turned up when I pulled into the driveway.  It’s so random how some songs get stuck in my head and others are just meh. Whatever.

So summer’s coming, and that means it’s going to be time once again to be tempted by smoothies. The ones at Tim Horton’s with yogurt in them are sinfully delicious. I’d probably consume far more of them if they didn’t give me brain freeze. You know that feeling, right? When the cold goes through your soft palate and takes a grip on your grey matter like it’s being squeezed by a terrifying version of a snowman? Like the one in that movie with Michael Keaton … Jack Frost. Yeah, that’s the one. Scary. Zombie snowmen who hide in smoothies and eat brains. Wow, stream of consciousness … If I start adding food colouring and yummy fruity flavours to my snowmen next year, get me the hell out of there, would you?

Yeah, I’ll stick to Tim’s coffee from now on. Thanks.

I’ve totally forgotten the prompt at this point. Ah well. Or should I say baa humbug?

This off-topic, almost-entirely sidelined post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Check it out, and gobble up some of the fun at the following link! https://lindaghill.com/2018/05/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-12-18/


by 29 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Ink

It occurred to me the other day that the biggest leap of faith for an editor has to be getting a tattoo.

I hart MOM

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion