Life in progress


#SoCS – Calculations

By my calculations, the weekend went by in a blink. Maybe not a mathematical calculation, but definitely a scientific one. Why? Because I said so.

Did your parents say that to you as a child? Mine did.

All day today, I’ve thought it was Sunday, but then I thought no, it’s Saturday. So I was wrongly convinced that I was wrongly convinced it was Sunday. And it was! (It’s Monday now, technically.)

Or is it?

Yes. It is.

What a weird day.

I saw a squirrel die today. Got run over.

That sucked.

Okay, not today, because today is Monday, and it’s only been Monday for 15 minutes. But Sunday. I saw a squirrel get run over. In front of a church, no less. On a … Sunday. Yes. It was Sunday.

I have a feeling I’m going to have nightmares tonight, and that really sucks.

I had nightmares last night. I was woken up by one of those emergency notifications to let me know there was an armed and dangerous man on the loose and to stay home.

So what did I dream about?

You guessed it.

I need a good night’s sleep.

Because this blinking weekend sucked.

By my calculations, at least.

2019-2020 SoCS Badge by Shelley!

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#SoCS – Setting a Ceiling

When we’re kids, we think we can do anything. Sky’s the limit. As we get older we realize that reality dictates differently. There are some things we thought we could do that we can’t. Flying by flapping our arms, for instance.

Putting on a cape and being a superhero may be one of the other things we might think we can’t do, but is that true? We might not be able to save the world, but I believe we limit ourselves to what we are conditioned to “know” of the world and how much we can change it. Sure, we may not be able to singlehandedly solve world hunger, but good deeds tend to roll downhill and gain momentum as they do. What we do today might have much farther-reaching effects than we can ever know. And if not, at least we tried.

It’s the same with personal goals. We humans tend to sabotage ourselves with our ideas that we can only go so far and do so much with our lives. I have a friend who was complaining (and with good reason) that he was stuck in a place of poverty, unable to fight his way out. Therefore, he is unhappy. I can fully understand that. Yet there are avenues – ones completely free of monetary cost – that he could pursue if he chooses to. I suppose that also depends on the depth of his unhappiness… I know what it is to feel completely unmotivated.

But I’ve learned one thing over the course of my life. The sky is the ceiling if you never go out. And the breadth of my imagination make the walls of my dreams. My belief that I can do just about anything I set out to do is only limited by my health and my ability to find ways around the barriers that inevitably come up. Yes, some barriers take years to navigate. But it’s only in those moments when I give up that the sky drops to eight feet above the floor.

… if this is what vertigo does to me, maybe it’s not such a bad thing …

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#SoCS – Eating and Other Minutiae

You know you’re tired when:

I had my toast on my plate on the kitchen table along with the tub of margarine (open) and jam (open-can’t remember what kind but it has three fruits in it), and since I was talking to my friend John about something completely unrelated to getting my toast ready, I put the jam on before the margarine.

Wow, that was not as exciting a story as I thought it would be.

I had a dream the other morning that I was at the concert I’m going to in Tokyo in November and I was stuck at the back of the hall and there were no lights on the stage (which was tucked into the corner of the room) so I missed the entire show. I think that qualifies as a nightmare, don’t you?

So I’m going to Kingston today and staying over night to get a break. The Kingston Writer’s Fest is on this weekend and I’m hoping to get tickets to an event tomorrow – if I do, I’ll try to write about the experience next week. I’m also hoping to get together for coffee this afternoon with our gracious badge-maker and host of the blog, “My Leaky Boat.” It’s gonna be fun!

Now I’m off to wash all my sheets and blankets – the cat peed on my bed sometime yesterday. Luckily it’s a nice day out, so it should all dry on the line.

See you on the flipside!

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Intuition, Fear, and What a Bird Taught Me

Imagine it: you’re just puttering along, living your life as usual and then suddenly an opportunity arises. You have a chance to do something you’ve dreamed of doing for years – something completely different from your ordinary life. Something so “out of the box” that the mere prospect scares you as much as it excites you. It’s not something that’s too good to be true – it IS true. But it’s so far removed from your comfort zone that you begin to wonder – is it fear that’s making me hesitate? Or is it my intuition kicking in, telling me there’s something wrong with the picture, or that if I go for it, something bad will happen? What do you trust?

Many people I know would pray for guidance. Some would trust that if the universe dropped the ideal scenario in front of them, they should take it. But what if you had no actual faith? This is where I lapse into the story of the bird.

It was about twenty-five years ago, back when I owned a horse. I arrived at the barn where I had him boarded one day to find a young barn swallow stuck in the window. The walls of the barn were thick – if I was to guess I’d have to say eighteen inches to two feet, which was about the depth of the window sill. The door was only a foot away from the window, and the other members of the bird’s family were frantically flying in and out of the barn. I had no idea how long the one who had missed the door and hit the window instead had been flapping around in the window but it still had plenty of energy. I couldn’t let it die there, so I decided to try to help it.

After a few fruitless attempts to catch it, which only resulted in tiring it out so much that I was afraid it would have a heart attack, I rested my hand on the sill. It stopped trying to get out; it watched me instead. Gradually I moved my hand closer to the bird until I was able to touch it. Still, it didn’t move. Rather than trying to grab it, I nudged its breast with one finger and the tiny, frightened bird stepped on my finger.

As I stepped back away from the window, hoping the bird would stay on my finger, I marveled at the weightlessness of it – of its breath, so fast, its little eye staring at me, weighing with its own sense of self-preservation whether or not it should trust me. It did stay on my finger as I passed across the door post and as I reached the door, one of its siblings flew past my head and with it my little bird took flight.

I’ve never forgotten that experience.

Back to my original scenario: the opportunity may not be one of life or death, but imagine if it’s no less scary than trusting in something as unknown as a human to a wild bird – as unknown as God or the universe to a human. Was it intuition that drove the fledgling to trust me?

So you’re faced with an opportunity: something that’s entirely foreign and yet it’s something you’ve always dreamed of doing.

What do you trust? How do you know the difference between fear and intuition? Or do you simply have faith?


Can You Believe It?

Don’t waste time. There is money to be made and advancement is within reach. A space at home to develop your ideas will help you increase your income and stabilize your financial situation. Invest in yourself and your talent.

As tired as I am, I can’t help but feel the motivation from my horoscope today, especially considering the thought I had last week about taking some university courses. And heck, what writer doesn’t need a space in his or her home to work? It’s like this was written for me.

I don’t usually put too much stock in horoscopes, but there are times like these when they really hit the target. My biggest problem now is choosing where to really focus my efforts. If I’m to take the courses, I still have all summer to myself to work on my novel. I’m still trying to decide if I should just self-publish without trying to find an agent/publisher or if I should brush up another project and give the whole self-publishing thing a go to see what is involved. Maybe some good, honest critique of my novel is what I really need before I make my final decision.

In the meantime, I’m psyched. I have a dream. I have a work-in-progress that I truly believe in. And now I have a cheap newspaper horoscope telling me I’m on the right track.

Can you believe it?