Life in progress

Tag Archives: Humor


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One-Liner Wednesday – WTF Melani

It’s an old game, but I still play “My Tribe” sometimes. I had a character pop up out of nowhere, so I called her “WTF Melani.” When you follow a character around in the game, you get insight into their little digital thoughts. I’ve had more fun with WTF Melani than I’ve ever had playing the game. Here she is, cloud gazing.

Her thought reads: WTF Melani can see a cloud that resembles an iguana.

Yeah, it doesn’t take much to amuse me.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

Badge by Laura @ riddlefromthemiddle.com


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One-Liner Wednesday – Haha

Found at a local church:

Sign reads: Too hot to keep changing sign. Devil bad; Jesus good. Details inside.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

Badge by Laura @ riddlefromthemiddle.com


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#SoCS – Too Many Minds

Where am I going?

What shall I do next?

Okay, the first question is one I ask regularly and has nothing to do with what I really want to write about. I ask myself where I’m going on a daily, sometimes hourly basis when I get up to do something and I have so much on my mind that I forget what I got up for.

Writing that, I realize it’s all the same beast.

I have too many things on the go. I’m taking courses to further my editing career (please don’t judge this post on any level where grammar is concerned–I’m not allowed to edit it), and I’m taking courses to further my writing career. I’m working full time at the editing job, part time at the writing gig, and learning to boot.

As my mother would say, I’ve got too many minds to go mad.

I have a schedule for myself–my editing and my writing–but that’s all I have listed. Then there are the dozens of other things I do during the day.

I swear, I take multi-tasking to a whole ‘nother level. And what’s worse? I’m still not getting everything done that I need to do.

The good news is I’ve got a few new novels coming out–I’ve written two and a half since November and finished another one. And at least one of those novels will be free for subscribers to my newsletter! Which I have to get organized and start sending out regularly. It’s got cobwebs on it at the moment.

Crickets.

Crickets stuck in cobwebs.

Where was I?

Haha! See what I mean?

So yeah. I’m afraid something is going to have to give, and I have no idea what. It SHOULD probably be social media. I’ve already all but given up my constant Twittering. Facebook is like the alien in Alien–stuck to my face and breeding somewhere in my innards.

There’s something to think about just before bed.

You can see the authoring thing is something I come by honestly. It doesn’t stop.

The imagination, that is. Not stealing other people’s ideas …

I should probably stop while I’m ahead.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This totally unedited post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to find all the other unedited posts in the comment section and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/08/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-10-19/


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#SoCS – Astronomically Aware

I am astronomically aware.

I am aware that there is a moon and stars.

And planets.

I am aware of the odds (astronomically slim) that caused me to be alive right now.

To have been born into this world, at this time in history.

Although I might think the same thing had I been born in another time …

We don’t know. We just don’t know.

I am aware that I have, up until now, lived a pretty blessed life.

I have what I need.

But that, of course, also comes down to mindset.

I mean, I could say I need a private jet.

I could even believe it if I tried hard enough.

But that would only lead to me feeling like I don’t live a blessed life.

And that would suck.

Astronomically.

I am astronomically aware that there are an astronomical number of things I am unaware of.

Get your mind around that one.

… or not.

It even gives me a headache.

And I wrote it.

Problem is, I believe it.

So it’ll probably keep me up all night.

I am astronomically aware of how lucky I am.

To have the ones I love close by.

To have the means to communicate with the entire world from the comfort of my living room.

To have had all the opportunities I’ve had throughout my life, and the wisdom (for the most part) to know what to do with them.

I am astronomically aware …

that I should be going to bed now.

Good night, dreamers.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This deeply astronomical post was brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to find all the other astronomical posts in the comment section, and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/08/02/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-3-19/


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#SoCS – Cleaner

What a friggin’ day. I spent most of it working–worked at home in my usual spot on the couch, worked at the library, worked upstairs in my room where it’s boiling hot, worked back on the couch …

I meant to clean up a bit, but it didn’t happen. My son did do some laundry for me though, so I have freshly cleaned-and-dried-outside-on-the-line sheets on my bed. The place is slightly clean-er.

There’s nothing that gets my kitchen floor cleaner than dropping a glass and breaking it. I did that last night, and boy, was my floor sparkling this morning! … Come to think of it, that might mean I didn’t get all the glass …

Just kidding. Alex walks around in bare feet, and then there’s the animals. The floor is clean.

The point is I do do more cleaning when I absolutely have to. Half the time I do laundry when someone is out of underwear. Or the dishes when there’s something there’s none left of. Forks. I should have sixteen forks, but do you think I can find more than five at one time? NO! Forks have become my Tupperware lids. My other sock.

I suppose I should be grateful: if I had more forks, the dishes would pile up more.

I hate cleaning.

I really do.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This dirty post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link and find out how you can join in! And while you’re there, find all the other clean and dirty posts in the comments. https://lindaghill.com/2019/07/26/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-27-19/


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One-Liner Wednesday – Creepy

When you try to take a photo of all the fireflies but you just end up with a creepy picture of the neighbour’s house.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

Badge by Laura @ riddlefromthemiddle.com


by 18 Comments

#SoCS – Framing things

Not sure if you’ve noticed this about me, but I tend to frame my statements with questions, especially when I’m not sure whether someone is going to agree with me. In social settings, it helps me to suss out where people stand on issues. A properly placed question will usually tell me whether someone is serious or being sarcastic, whether they feel strongly about something, and generally how receptive they might be to my sense of humour. Because it’s rare that I have a conversation–almost any kind of conversation–without humour infused into it.

Take the phone call I got from my doctor’s office yesterday. They’re sending me for all kinds of tests because of my eyes, including an MRI. (We’ll see how long that takes and whether there’s any truth to the mythical long wait times in Canada for healthcare. But I digress.) The nurse from the doctor’s office called me to ask a bunch of questions that needed answering before she could send the requisition for the MRI, including whether I had any metal implants (pacemaker, etc.), and a bunch of other stuff including whether I had any shrapnel or bullets in my body. The question was so unexpected, I started laughing. And then she started laughing. And we laughed, and we laughed, and I said no, I don’t have any of that stuff.

All this to say that if you look at life with a shallow enough perspective, you can find funny in just about everything.

Don’t you think?

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to find all the other posts in the comment section, and join in. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/07/19/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-20-19/


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#SoCS – Ah…choo!

I think the dog has allergies. No, he’s not sneezing, but he is scratching.

He had an appointment at the vet a couple of days ago–hundreds of dollars’ worth of fun. He was due for his shots anyway, so I figured since he was scratching, I’d get something for fleas and ticks. No evidence of them before or since, but that was the logical place to start.

Yesterday, I put the stuff on the back of his neck to kill whatever he might have picked up.

Today, he seems to be itchier than ever.

Question is, what could he be allergic to that is new? What plants are in my garden this year that weren’t last year? Worst case scenario: it’s not a plant at all.

I haven’t looked up the facts, so I don’t really know if they can affect dogs, but there’s a new tick in these parts that, if you’re bitten, can make you allergic to meat.

What do you feed a dog that’s allergic to meat?

Sure, he loves cheese. But I can’t imagine what an entire meal of it would do to his insides.

Do I not let him down from the table until he’s eaten his veggies?

We all know what grass does to dogs, but what about broccoli?

So I’m hoping the itching will stop–that the skin problems are just bites that haven’t healed yet.

Updates to come.

EDIT: So you don’t feel bad for Winston: the Lone Star tick–the one responsible for meat allergies–can bite dogs, but the poison it carries only affects humans.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This post that didn’t use the prompt except in the title was brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to find all the other awesome posts in the comment section and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/07/05/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-6-19/


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#SoCS – Foresight

I can’t really call it foresight, because I didn’t plan to have this happen again. But I did record everything I did to try to help myself last time I had vision problems, so YAY, I can check out my own blog to see if anything in particular worked.

Because it is happening again now. I don’t know if it’s stress, or blood sugar, or what it is, but my vision keeps going extremely blurry. I’m thinking it could have something to do with eating, because I just had a couple of forkfuls of pasta salad and I can see quite well–better than before I ate.

So I probably need to have a blood test. If I’m pre-diabetic, it’d be good to know.

I’ve had four days of this, and it majorly sucks.

In other news, after I decided on the prompt yesterday I was thinking about what I could write that I could use “fore” in. As I gazed out my front window, I looked at all the weeds on my lawn and thought, “My fore lawn looks forlorn.”

So that’s it! From now on, until I fix my front yard it will be referred to as my fore lawn. And the back yard? My hind lawn. Because it, too, is hinding in the weeds.

I’m here ’til Thursday. Try the veal.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This sadly funny post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other awesome posts in the comments and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/06/28/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-29-19/


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#SoCS – Leave it alone

Why do we have such a hard time leaving some things alone?

In my case, a book. Used to be if I started one, I had to finish it, no matter how boring it was or how much I disliked it. I couldn’t stop until I’d read the painful last page. But the older I get and the more books I want to read, I’m getting better at it.

In Alex’s case (he’s my son), something that hurts. If he has a scab, he’s gotta pick it. No matter how much I tell him to stop (that actually makes him do it more), or try to explain to him that he’ll make it worse and possibly the body part will fall off, he can’t leave it alone. He’s covered in scars from tiny scratches that he turned into major wounds.

No, nothing has fallen off. Yet. And maybe the fact that I tell him it might and it never does is why he never believes me and, thus, never stops picking. Unfortunately, I can’t cut off any of his body parts while he’s asleep just to show him I’m right (he’ll wake up if I do and then the whole experiment will be ruined), so instead I’m stuck with a kid with scars. And I have to watch him make himself bleed, which might actually be more painful for me than it is for him … If it hurt him that much, he wouldn’t do it. Right?

I’m rambling.

I’m just going to leave this here.

Here are some leaves.

baby maple leaves

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday! Click the following link to find all the other posts linked in the comment section and join in yourself. It’s fun!

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/