Life in progress

Tag Archives: humour


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One-Liner Wednesday – Insignificant

“If you think you’re too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room.” — Anita Roddick

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself for “One-Liner Wednesday” are as follows:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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Adventures on my Paper Route – Nosehair is Growing Up!

I realize many of my current followers weren’t around for the introduction of Nosehair–or actually The Tree Formerly Known As Nosehair–so I’ll provide a little background.

It all started with a tree that I walk past daily on my paper route who has a face. This is Nosehair when he actually had a nosehair:

Nosehair

Nosehair

You can read about Nosehair and his subsequent plucking here: https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2013/07/25/adventures-on-my-paper-route-angry-birds-and-a-plucking/

Then, drama happened. An evil nemesis (who I tidily named “Nemesis”) from the city came to cut down some of The Tree Formerly Known As Nosehair’s friends! It was a terrible time. I managed to speak to this evil city employee, but he was evasive about his plans. You can read about it here: https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/adventures-on-my-paper-route-is-it-ironic-or-are-they-just-drumming-up-business/

Since that time the neighbourhood has been mostly quiet. I have a little chat with The Tree Formerly Known As Nosehair most days as I walk by. I’m sure the people who live in the house he stands in front of think I’m a little nuts, but the squirrels like me.

So where is this all leading to? The news! The Tree Formerly Known As Nosehair has his first tooth!

CAM00335

His first tooth!

Doesn’t he look handsome? *sniff sniff* My baby’s growing up!


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Why, Thank You (Daily Prompt)

Still the best backhanded compliment I’ve ever received:

My best friend John, to me: “It’s nice having you or someone intelligent to talk to once in a while.”

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/why-thank-you/

What’s the best (or rather, worst) backhanded compliment you’ve ever received? If you can’t think of any — when’s the last time someone paid you a compliment you didn’t actually deserve?


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One-Liner Wednesday – Theoretically…

The quickest way to a man’s heart really is through his stomach, because then you don’t have to chop through that pesky rib cage.
– J. Jacques

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself for “One-Liner Wednesday” are as follows:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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One-Line Wednesday – T-shirts Say the Funniest Things

“Smile and the world smiles with you.

Fart, and you stand alone.”

~ my best friend John’s t-shirt

 

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Anyone who would like to try it out may feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post. If you do, please ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet. It’s a great way to meet new bloggers!

The rules that I’ve made for myself for “One-Liner Wednesday” are as follows:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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Playing the “Dumb” Card

I admit it: sometimes when I want something I’ll play stupid to get it.

Take for instance the laptop battery that I’ve been waiting for since May from Best Buy. They screwed up once and in return promised me a free battery, but it’s taking forever to arrive. I’ve called them countless times on the matter but it never seems to go anywhere. There comes a point when I just get tired of explaining myself to everyone I talk to. Eventually my answer becomes, “I don’t know.”

When did we first order the part? the Geek Squad guy asks.

I don’t know.

I’ll look it up.

This, from my perspective is a good thing because a) it forces them to admit they’ve screwed up somewhere and b) it means they’re actually looking at the problem rather than just listening to me complain while they gaze around the store at the pretty girls looking at iPads and/or pick their noses.

Then there’s my newspaper, which was cut off today because I got a new credit card and didn’t call them to give them an updated expiry date.  So I call them to ask why my paper didn’t come.

It looks like all we need is your payment information. Did you not get a notice in the mail?

I didn’t see one. (I’m of course lying.)

Oh, well I’ll update that for you today and  get a paper out to you right away. I’m not sure why your carrier didn’t mention it to you.

I don’t see my carrier. (Again, blatant lie. I AM my own carrier. I don’t, however, have a lot of mirrors in my house…)

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Don’t let it happen again. (Okay, I didn’t really say that, but what fun it would have been!)

I’m not a liar when it comes to anything else, but I’m certainly not beyond acting like an idiot when it comes to dealing with company’s bureaucracies. There’s nothing more annoying than being brushed off when you pay good money for a service: you shouldn’t have to fight for it if you’re paying for it!

Am I alone in this practice? Tell me you’ve done something similar. Please.

 


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On the Buses

The people in my town are polite – I’ve written about how dangerously polite they are in the past. But today, on the city bus, I found out how far it really goes.

Take, for instance, the graffiti:
graffiti

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s something a little edgier: It originally said, “All your base are belong to us,” until a handy grammarian came along and corrected it to, “All your bases belong to us.”

graffitinazi

 

 

 

 

I swear it wasn’t me.


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Am I wrong?

When I write short fiction, I like people to have to think about what they’ve read. I tend not to over-explain things – I think of short fiction the way I think of a joke. If you have to explain it, it loses something.

My father had a very dry sense of humour. Think John Cleese, and you’ll have an idea of what my dad was like. For years I didn’t “get” his jokes – say from the ages of 0 to 4. After that I learned to think about what I was being told, and to this day I prefer dry humour over any other kind. So my fiction – at least anything shorter than a novel – leans that way, especially the funny fiction. It’s different with longer works. I know when I don’t understand a novel I usually end up putting it down because it only gets worse.

But I often wonder if I’m being too obscure. Take the little story I wrote yesterday. It makes sense if you can figure out what I’ve done with it… but I have no idea if anyone who read it, did.  If you’d like to humour me and give it a read, it’s only about 100 words long. Here it is: http://lindaghillfiction.wordpress.com/2014/07/03/fishin-pole-blues/

Otherwise, I’d like to hear from you. What do you prefer? Do you like to think about what you read in fiction? Or do you prefer to have it all laid out?

 


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One-Liner Wednesday – Quite Witty

When asked by a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood, “Dear Abby” replied, “You could move.”
― Abigail Van Buren

 

______________________________________________________________________________________

Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself for “One-Liner Wednesday” are as follows:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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Go ahead, call me crazy

2014-Participant-Vertical-BannerIn my infinite wisdom borne of never having enough of a challenge in my life, I’ve decided to join Camp NaNoWriMo, which starts July 1st. My goal is to write 25,000 words of the sequel to the novel I started and failed as a NanoWriMo project in November of 2011. That one took me 18 months to finish. I’m not under any delusion that I can get the sequel done in a month, so I won’t even try.

But wait, Linda, I hear you saying. You can’t even reply to the comments on your blog, what makes you think you can take on another project?

To answer that question, I have no idea other than that I need to start being creative again or I will go completely around the bend. I’m halfway there now, and let me tell you, the scenery ’round there is scary-dark and smells ominously like a fart.

Is it worse than getting lost in the woods while at Camp Nano? There’s only one way to find out. I figure I should be okay as long as I don’t come across any bears — ‘coz you know what THEY do in the woods.