Life in progress

Tag Archives: life


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A sad state

It astounds me sometimes how holidays have changed for me. As I child I looked upon them with such anticipation – with the same degree of excitement as I see in my youngest son now. He is filled with glee at the thought of hunting for chocolate eggs, even though he won’t eat them. So what has changed? Why am I not able to see life as I did, through the eyes of a child?

I think it’s only because I choose not to. The changes that occur within myself I have the choice to modify. Ah, the disillusionment of adulthood. A sad state of affairs indeed.

I need a glass of wine.


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House of dreams

shadows

In my recurring dream there is a house. It can’t always be found. Sometimes it’s in the city, hidden like the one in Harry Potter, squeezed between two others, sometimes I can only find it from the back. Sometimes it’s a barn and sometimes it’s just a vacant old thing with beer bottles scattered everywhere. Sometimes it’s in the country, looking out over acres and acres of landscape through large picture windows on the upper floor. But always, it’s hard to find.

I’ve dreamed of it falling to ruin with years of neglect and transient beings and cats. I’ve dreamed of living in it and oh how grand it was, with huge sunlit rooms. Many times the rooms are hidden too. Or they will be one after another so that I have to go through one to get to the next. No privacy – never any privacy in this house. And it never quite belongs to me, but always I used to live there. And I want it back.

The house of my dreams is always sinister.

Last night I dreamed it burned. Not all the way to the ground, but there were holes in it and the damage to the upstairs was extensive. The people who owned it, with whom I was visiting, wanted to keep it but it was no longer safe. It made my throat hurt. It hurt my heart.

I want it back.


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Adventures on my Paper Route: Why did the hen cross the road?

Chicken’s eye view

So there I was, standing on the curb, waiting as I do every day to cross one of my town’s main thoroughfares. It’s not a particularly wide road, nor is the speed limit fast, but it’s busy enough that I have to wait most days. Today there was only one car coming, or so I thought. I was poised. I made the decision to cross.

Now, you know when your body is ready to move and suddenly you realise that maybe you shouldn’t let it? I didn’t see the other car. It wasn’t that close behind the one I did see, but it was close enough to make me hesitate. What it did was make me twitch. I had to make a split second choice. Stay or go. But my body was already in motion — so I ran!

Obviously I made it across the road — I’m here to talk about it. Had I been younger it would have been a little thrill. Since, however I’m at my age it was an adrenaline rush I’m still recovering from.

So why did the hen cross the road?

To feel like a spring chicken 🙂


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Private Thoughts, Private World – Part 3

How much is too much?

It has occurred to me, partially due to a comment on Private Thoughts, Private World – Part 2 that perhaps there is such a thing as too much. While we attempt to convey our thoughts and our world to our readers, we, at the same time, need to keep at least a modicum of our ideas private, or do we? How much of ourselves do we wish to divulge? It’s fun every once in a while to have someone we are close to point at us and say, ‘HA! I knew you were going to say that!’. But if that were to happen more than occasionally it would get tired after a while. Particularly if strangers began to do it to us.

In our time of having the freedom to receive instantaneous feedback on the internet we are given equally the opportunity to hand ourselves over to whomever wishes to place us under their microscope. And as we all know, not everyone will treat us with the delicacy we deserve as humans. I have to wonder if the modern masters of fiction thought of this when they began. They are so good at their craft that they allow us to see into their souls, but at what cost?

tied hands


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Adventures of my Paper Route

Image

The squirrels have been busy

It happens while we sleep. The squirrels — the most talented of them at least — sculpt likenesses of themselves around the neighbourhood.  Here are two kissing. They will be the skinny ones that have no time for nut gathering, just in case you’re wondering which ones to look out for.


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At last!

Sixteen and a half long months since the day I began, I finished writing the first draft of my novel this evening.

I’m celebrating by going to bed.


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My Poetic Paper Route

It’s cold and damp outside. The snow is melting in all the wrong places turning the earth that was churned up beside the sidewalks by the sidewalk plows into mud. Said mud is running in dirty puddles down every conceivably available square inch of concrete, and where the sun doesn’t touch the mud is an icy sheet. Every day before noon I walk these muddy sidewalks delivering the local newspaper. I don’t do it for the money, I do it for the exercise – at least that’s what I keep telling myself. Most of the time I think I just do it because I’m masochistic, especially on days like today.

However, as I was trudging up the hill on my street today, an inch deep in dark black mud, I realised I am living my dream. I write in the hopes of one day distributing my words to hundreds of thousands of people. What am I doing now? Admittedly, I only deliver 16 daily papers (and 124 flyers on Thursdays).

One day, when I’m a bestselling author perhaps I’ll be able to look back to my life now and say, ‘There I was, doing what I’ve always wanted to do. I spread the written word’.

Poetic, isn’t it?


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Ch-ch-ch-changes

It’s funny the way sometimes changes in my life come all at once. It’s like the moon, or some other force out there in the universe has shifted and made everything seem different, even though it all looks the same. Although I am just a speck in the grand scheme of things, I am affected.

I strongly believe in the concept that everything is connected. Everyone is connected simply because they exist. It’s a bit of a frightening thought that I might be causing someone harm at any given moment. But then, if I live my life right, surely the majority of the time I must be spreading happiness, or at the very least causing someone to think more deeply about how not to make the same mistakes I did.

Anyway, back to the changes. In the past twenty-four hours my son has gone from hospitalized to sitting in at the computer at home, watching The Price is Right on Youtube and screaming as though he just won a car. A good friend of mine lost his job. True, neither of these changes are about me per se, but both affect me. However the biggest change of all: I found regret. Not just the regret I feel when I discover I should have bought that bag of milk yesterday because today it’s not on sale anymore, but life-changing regret.  The kind that I can’t go back and change. Not with all the forces in the universe.

In the grand scheme of things I’m a speck. A shifter of the universe.


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My mind is a landscape

Mountain

I see a vast plain lying prostrate at the feet of mountains, bowing to their majesty. Mountains which look up, extending their noses, straining to reach the praise of heaven. And a sky so blue, yet feathered with winglike clouds.

I have so many stories inside me, just begging to escape, from fingertips to keyboard. Tales of wanting and of contentment. Of bad behaviour and of good. Of kink and of chastity. And of faraway lands that are waiting to be discovered. Just like my landscape.

Now that I’ve got that out of my system…

I’m thinking about starting up another blog to go alongside this one but for more of the naughty type stories, so I can keep this one more family-friendly. And by family I mean MY family in particular. I think my biggest problem is not knowing how to properly separate the categories on this site, so that I could perhaps keep the nice away from the nasty and vise versa, and just keep one single blog.

Anyone have any suggestions? Advice? Sugar? Coz I’m also out of sugar.


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Dawn

Promise from sunrise springs

a new day brings

the sunImage