Life in progress


#SoCS – In Desperation

Last night I had a dream–scratch that, a nightmare–that Donald Trump was my doctor.
-where did you buy your license to practice?
-no, I don’t need a pelvic exam today, thanks
-the question I had but didn’t want to ask: if you become president, won’t you have to move to the U.S. and give up your practice?
After the appointment he walked me out to my car and planted a kiss on my lips to say goodbye. Needless to say, this one’s going to haunt me for a while.

I’ve been battling a headache all day. The above quote is copied and pasted from my personal Facebook page – and yes, it’s a true story. I’m blaming the headache on that. Or the weather or something.

In desperation to find an excuse: okay, it’s not really desperation. But I’ve been contemplating all the stress in my life and all I have to do (read: all the things I’ve put upon myself) and much of it, I think, is due to desperation.

I haven’t had an income, other than my paper route and I’m not even doing that anymore, in the last sixteen years. Desperate as I am for a career, I’m taking editing courses. Hoping to get some freelance jobs, though maybe not until the new year. I’m desperately trying to finish the editing on my other novel, so I can get that published. I’m desperate for the sanity to be able to do all these things… so I’m planning to do NaNoWriMo this year. Yes, just what I need – to force myself to write 1,667 words a day for a month.

Writing it out, I can see much of my desperation is due to money, or lack thereof. But not necessarily just now. I need to secure my future. If my kids ever decide to move out and I lose the money I receive from the government to look after them, with their disabilities, I’ll have nothing at this rate.

I really didn’t want to make this a rant, nor a pity party. Maybe I should have asked ol’ Donnie for some money to keep quiet about our doctor/patient relationship when I had the chance.


This super scary nightmare post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to see how you, too, can join in the fun!


Just Jot It January 10th – Sane

What does it mean to be sane? According to Google’s dictionary it refers to a) a person who is “of sound mind; not mad or mentally ill,” or b) an undertaking or manner which is “reasonable; sensible.” That’s all fine and good, but who gets to judge?

The obvious answer is a doctor. But before that can happen, someone has to take, encourage, or direct said insane person to the doctor in the first place. Because chances are that the truly insane person doesn’t know he or she is insane at all. Not, of course, to put down anyone with mental illness. But for example, I had to be the one to decide to take my Autistic son to the doctor to get checked out. I was the judge in that case.

Moving on…

I often wonder about my own sanity. Considering some of the things that come out of me in my fiction, I think anyone in their right mind would. The thing is, I have no idea where my darker, twisted imagination stems from. I had no significant trauma (that I can remember) in my childhood. I was loved by my parents until my father passed away at the tender age of 49, when I was fourteen. So where’s the psychology in it? Okay yes, I’ve been reading Stephen King since I was fourteen, but can he have influenced me that greatly? No, in fact I don’t think he did.

I’ve had the imagination of a writer since I was very young. I’m talking four or five years old. I remember coming up with stories that, not having the skill to spell, revolved over and over in my head. Some of them even then involved a certain level of torture and sex. So how? Could I have been remembering another life? You may be thinking what I poor child I must have been to have such imaginings, but I grew up with a healthy sense of right and wrong, with empathy, without anxiety or nervousness, and with an understanding of humankind that has prevented me from hating a single soul on the planet. It’s an understanding that has enabled me to write relatable characters. It’s an understanding of everyone else but me.

But then, does anyone really understand themselves? Or does everyone but me?


This questionably “Sane” prompt is brought to you by John W. Howell at Fiction Favorites. Please click on the link to visit his blog, and follow him if you aren’t already!

JJJ 2016

To find the rules for Just Jot It January, click here and join in today. It’s never too late! And don’t forget to ping back your January 10th post here!


One-Liner Wednesday – A Truth

I stay sane by writing characters who are insane.