Life in progress

#SoCS – In Desperation


Last night I had a dream–scratch that, a nightmare–that Donald Trump was my doctor.
-where did you buy your license to practice?
-no, I don’t need a pelvic exam today, thanks
-the question I had but didn’t want to ask: if you become president, won’t you have to move to the U.S. and give up your practice?
After the appointment he walked me out to my car and planted a kiss on my lips to say goodbye. Needless to say, this one’s going to haunt me for a while.

I’ve been battling a headache all day. The above quote is copied and pasted from my personal Facebook page – and yes, it’s a true story. I’m blaming the headache on that. Or the weather or something.

In desperation to find an excuse: okay, it’s not really desperation. But I’ve been contemplating all the stress in my life and all I have to do (read: all the things I’ve put upon myself) and much of it, I think, is due to desperation.

I haven’t had an income, other than my paper route and I’m not even doing that anymore, in the last sixteen years. Desperate as I am for a career, I’m taking editing courses. Hoping to get some freelance jobs, though maybe not until the new year. I’m desperately trying to finish the editing on my other novel, so I can get that published. I’m desperate for the sanity to be able to do all these things… so I’m planning to do NaNoWriMo this year. Yes, just what I need – to force myself to write 1,667 words a day for a month.

Writing it out, I can see much of my desperation is due to money, or lack thereof. But not necessarily just now. I need to secure my future. If my kids ever decide to move out and I lose the money I receive from the government to look after them, with their disabilities, I’ll have nothing at this rate.

I really didn’t want to make this a rant, nor a pity party. Maybe I should have asked ol’ Donnie for some money to keep quiet about our doctor/patient relationship when I had the chance.


This super scary nightmare post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to see how you, too, can join in the fun!

Author: LindaGHill

There's a writer in here, clawing her way out.

18 thoughts on “#SoCS – In Desperation

  1. A nightmare indeed, at the appropriate time of year – Trump. Sorry to hear about your crap Linda. I too am trying to dip into some freelance work to add some income here, so I know what you mean. It can take a long time to be able to make a living off our books, so why not use our writing skills to bring in additional income, many writers do. 🙂


  2. I think the Trump nightmare is the ultimate Halloween fright!
    I really hope things look up for you soon, Linda 🙂


  3. A Trump-mare ! Can’t think of anything worse 😦 Hope things look up for you soon

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am totally at a loss. That man is featuring in many people’s dreams including mine and my little son and he said, mommy, I dreamt that Donald Trump won and there was trouble. I’m worried!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. If Trump is entering your dreams, be afraid, be very afraid. I am. I think he is going to win. Don’t tell anyone, but a lot of Americans are just plain stupid.
    I’m sorry that life comes down to money, but it does. I don’t think about the future because I don’t like what I see (both personally — penniless– and more broadly in Trumpworld).
    My advice, such as it is, don’t do the novel month unless you need nervous-breakdown distractions. Edit your own work. Edit somebody else’s.
    I like the idea that was suggested — running a B & B for those seeking political asylum in Canada from Trumpworld to the south.
    Take care, Linda, I hope things work out, and Trump stays out of your dreams and your doctor’s office.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. That’s a terrifying nightmare indeed. I better listen to soothing music before I march off to sleep today. *shivers*
    Here in my country, we celebrate this festival called Deepavali that’s about light and prosperity. We worship the goddess of wealth and most businesses start a new financial year after this. I hope and pray the goddess showers you with her blessings. 🙂
    Hang in there, and all the best for NaNoWriMo! 🙂 I hope the madness of writing will take away from the stress of all the other things going on in your life.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh my God, you poor dear! *pours the Malbec* just tell me when…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh dear. I can relate to this story. I was a single mother of four on benefits for a long time. I earned a little extra cash from house cleaning. As the kids got older I went to university and got a Masters in Professional Writing. Unfortunately it didn’t lead to work for me as I over 50 by then. I learnt a great deal though and it improved my writing a great deal.
    It sounds like it will be some time before your kids are able to move and live away from home. It’s impossible to know what lies ahead for any of us. My advice, bleak though it is, is to try and find peace of mind and rest when you can. By the time my youngest was old enough to leave home I crashed and burned out from exhaustion. For two years I lived on sickness benefits because Chronic Fatigue Syndrome meant I couldn’t get out of bed much let alone go to work. All the best – my heart goes out to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. What a nightmare! Glad he hasn’t made it into any of my dreams yet, but my waking life is pretty well taken up by thoughts of him, something I never thought I’d say. I’ve never liked the guy, always saw him as a fake and a big mess, but now he’s aiming to take over the world and I don’t like it one bit.
    I am trying to distract myself until the day he’s booted out of the spotlight, hopefully for good, but my daytime nightmares of him becoming the US leader are keeping me up at night.
    I thought I might as well try NaNoWrimo again, as I have a novel idea in my head, but no idea of a plot and so I may not be able to swing it this time.
    Good luck if you decide to go ahead with it though. I am proof that it is doable.
    Sorry for the rest of the stress and the headache. I am familiar with both. Money is a constant worry and I haven’t given up hope that writing could be my salvation one day.
    I will hope for us both.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m so sorry for the bad dream and the headache. Have you considered taking in refugee Americans? You could run a bed and breakfast for people seeking political asylum…. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  11. That is one scary nightmare – regardless of the underlying reason.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I have to say it is truly a nightmare. Really sorry about your personal circumstances. What about working from home as a virtual assistant? Would that work for you?

    Liked by 1 person

  13. So sorry our scary political season is causing you nightmares, Linda. I’ve had quite a few of them as well… mine have been more along the lines of the 1930s-40s and not at all pleasant either. I will be so glad when this election is over. *sighs* Also sorry to hear about your financial situation. I do hope those editing classes help soon. I can’t believe you are going to do NaNoWriMo with all you already have on your plate. I’ve been thinking about doing it also, but not sure I have the mental aptitude to stick with it all month. Best wishes to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh my gosh! That’s a scary dream!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m sorry our US nightmare has crossed the border to Canada and your personal nightmare! I’m hoping that after he loses the election, he will be easier to avoid than he is now.

    I am even sorrier that things are so difficult financially. I wish I had an opportunity or good advice to offer…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hahahaha omg that is a nightmare!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. OMG Linda…I am at a loss for words!

    Liked by 1 person

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