Life in progress

Category Archives: advice


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JusJoJan 27 – How Parenting is Like the Weather

Long ago I read a story–it’s probably a famous one, but I’ll relate it here in brief–about how the sun and the wind entered into a competition to make a man take off his coat. The wind, of course, tried to blow it off, but the harder the wind blew, the tighter the man held his coat around him. The wind eventually gave up and then the sun came out. The man, becoming hot, took off his coat. The moral of the story is that sometimes coaxing is better than trying to force someone to do something.

The story came to mind today, as it often does on a bitterly windy day, when I try to bury myself in my scarf. For some reason the thought led to parenting.

My motto has long been, “Pick your battles.” If it’s not that important, meaning no one is going to get seriously injured or be more than ten minutes late for something, I tend to either let the issue go or do my best to be persuasive rather than forceful. The practice has improved my powers of persuasion to the point that I’m getting pretty good at it. Failing that, I’ve learned to be patient. To take a deep breath and remind myself that it’s not the end of the world if Alex completely empties a drawer of perfectly folded clothes to do it again himself, or insists on cleaning his own feeding tube when I know damned well he’s going to ask for the help he at first refuses because it can’t reach where it has to hang.

But I’m only human. There are times when I feel I must stuff him in the car against his will, or restrain him to keep him from falling out his second storey bedroom window. Part of these necessities come down to the fact that I’m not completely fluent in sign language – part of it comes from his own behavioural issues and the fact that he’s mentally well below his age level but physically entering puberty. This puts him in the range of adolescence mixed with the terrible twos.

Still. It’s better to be sunny than windy.

JJJ 2015

Just Jot It January is nearly over – link your post today and get your participant’s badge at the end of the month! https://lindaghill.com/2015/01/01/just-jot-it-january-pingback-post-and-rules/


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Passion

Note: The following is something I posted yesterday as a Guest on HarsH ReaLiTy. Apologies if you’re seeing this in duplicate.

I went to Japan for five minutes and thirty-six seconds. I’m not talking about a virtual trip on the internet. I’m not talking about astral projection. I’m talking about an eleven day trip which included 25 hours of flying time from Toronto to Tokyo and back for the sake of a five minute and thirty-six second long song.

I fell in love with it the first time I heard it. It moved me to tears and I knew deep inside that I HAD to hear it and see it performed live. I was that passionate about it, about the man who wrote it and sings it – about the deep meaning in the lyrics and just the way he sings it and how utterly beautiful it is… So I made it happen. I couldn’t not.

Before you write me off as insane, please consider…

Merriam-Webster’s definition of Passion, ganked off the internet:

pas·sion
noun \ˈpa-shən\

: a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something

: a strong feeling (such as anger) that causes you to act in a dangerous way

: a strong sexual or romantic feeling for someone

Passion is something we humans share. It’s responsible for much of the world’s most beautiful art in all its forms; it is the cause of some of the most heinous crimes. It gives us the ability to love deeply and to hate with seemingly every fibre of our being. It’s something that our children have also. And how scary can that potentially be?

You can say to a ten-year-old, “Son, there are things you will be passionate about when you grow older. You may feel like killing someone one day. Don’t,” but what’s the use? Because in the heat of passion we lose all reason. Logic goes off into the stratosphere and all that is left inside of us is pure emotion.

Passion is one of the things I believe we can only teach our children by example. For instance, if we talk about killing the guy in the car that cut us off, they will learn that passion can turn us against one another. If we follow our passion and turn it into a career, we will teach our children to follow their dreams.

And so I come back to my adventure – my trip to Japan. Aside from personally needing to make the trip, I feel in doing so I showed my children that if they want something badly enough, they can make it happen, no matter how unlikely. And no matter how insignificant it might seem to someone else and no matter how they may be judged for going for it; just do it.

The song? It doesn’t really matter. But here’s another one by the same band. It is appropriately called “Passion.”

The lyrics, in English, can be found by clicking here. But if you read them, don’t do the stuff he sings about – just sayin’ 😉

If you’d like to read about the absolutely incredible experience I had at the concert, click here. The post includes a picture of me, taken by the lead guitarist of the band from the stage during the concert!

Thanks very much for reading,
Linda


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JusJoJan 23 – The Shortest Jot

Never blog drunk; never blog angry.

Have you ever written something that you regretted enough to erase it from your blog?

JJJ 2015

This very short post is part of Just Jot it January. Click here and join in: https://lindaghill.com/2015/01/01/just-jot-it-january-pingback-post-and-rules/


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JusJoJan 21 – Write Drunk, Edit Sober

“Write drunk, edit sober.” Some say it was Hemingway who said it, some say Peter deVries. Whoever. More than this quote has made me wish I could handle being an alcoholic for the sake of my writing. When you consider how much genius has come out of known drug abusers (see any number of rock stars), you have to wonder if there’s anything to it. I mean, seriously, so much comes to mind when you’ve had a few that appears, at least in that moment, to be the most brilliant idea that anyone ever has ever come up with, that how can you possibly be wrong? What can you possibly say that’s not completely off-the-wall enlightening to the whole of mankind? Poetry flows, prose splats onto the page like the very sunshine that beams through your window – or would if it wasn’t actually the middle of the night while everyone else is sleeping, like you should be…

But then.

You wake up in the morning and read that is which is splatted unceremoniously upon the page and you think… I need to be sober to edit this crap.

Ah, it’s an artist’s life.

JJJ 2015Just Jot It January – it’s the bomb! Join in today! https://lindaghill.com/2015/01/01/just-jot-it-january-pingback-post-and-rules/


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JusJoJan 19 – Travel Plans

Right on the heels of my trip to Japan, I’ve already started planning my next adventure. No, not London, or Paris, or even Beijing. I’m going to beautiful Kingston, Ontario. Less than an hour’s drive away. In July.

Call me crazy, but I wanted to make sure I get a good, cheap room close enough to downtown that I’ll be able to walk to where all the action is – to the Busker’s Festival and on my annual pilgrimage to the setting of my novel, The Great Dagmaru. This will be my third year in a row if you count the hospital-ridden disaster last year was. Which brings me to my next point.

Booking.com. I decided to try them out last year, taking them at their word that if I booked a hotel with them I could cancel any time. Well, last year I had to cancel. At the very last second. And it didn’t cost me a cent for the hotel. So I thought great – I’ll take a chance and book with them again for my trip to Tokyo. Again, smooth as silk. All my bookings were exactly as planned, no upfront fees.

And that’s why I already have a B & B booked for July 9th at $140/night and two nights at the Queen’s University campus in a two bedroom suite for $99/night.

Welcome to Queens

What kills me? The most I paid in one of the biggest cities in the world – Tokyo – was less than $90/night. The cheapest, and it was a nice hotel, came to $66 for the night.

Canada is damned expensive. Even if you book half a year in advance.

This jot is part of Just Jot It January. Click on the link and join in! Maybe you’ll meet some new friends! https://lindaghill.com/2015/01/01/just-jot-it-january-pingback-post-and-rules/

JJJ 2015


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SoCS – Happiness is a Choice

I’m a true believer in the concept that anyone can choose to be happy, in any circumstance. I understand it seems impossible at times. Times of loss, of grief, of depression can darken the world around us to the extent that there is no light to be found anywhere. And yet…

There is a time to grieve. Being sad and allowing ourselves to be sad is a vital part of the healing process. There is benefit in sadness in that it allows us to relax our expectations of ourselves.

I remember when my father died. I was fourteen at the time, an only child, and my mother was devastated. I was sad, of course, but I refused to allow myself to show it in front of her. I felt that I needed to be strong for her.  Days before he died (it was completely unexpected–a sudden heart attack) he sat me down and told me that as long as I could laugh, I could survive anything. They were, obviously, words I took deeply to heart. And so, at his funeral I sat beside my mother and I said something to make her laugh. I can’t not believe that my father would have wanted that. He was an extremely funny man, and he loved to make people laugh, as I do.

I wonder about the psychology behind making her laugh – was it because if she could, I wouldn’t lose her too?

Was it actually happiness? No. But I have since, through all the trials and tribulations I have faced with failed marriages, with disabled children, decided to be happy. I can let it all get to me or I can laugh.

It can be difficult. It can be done. But it’s not for everyone.

with Robin Williams.

This post is part of SoCS https://lindaghill.com/2015/01/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-january-1715/

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

and Just Jot It January https://lindaghill.com/2015/01/01/just-jot-it-january-pingback-post-and-rules/

JJJ 2015


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It Is Done

A letter has been sent to the powers-that-be at WordPress. Please, continue to comment with your support and re-blog (especially re-blog) the post Save HarsH ReaLiTy; I believe the more it gets around, the less likely WordPress is to miss it. And who knows how long it will take for them to pay attention to my letter? Now the comments are in the hundreds – lets strive for the thousands before the lucky person who reads our petition gets to see the post!

On behalf of myself, all of you, and equally, Jason, here is what I wrote. I sincerely hope it is adequate to the task at hand:

Hi,
I’m writing to bring to your attention a situation which I and hundreds of other WordPress users with both free and paid accounts feel that has perhaps been overlooked.
A popular blog, aopinionatedman.com has been given a partial suspension due to flagging for excessive “follows” within a certain time frame which, I am led to believe, is a common practice used by “spammers.” The above mentioned site is, however, not one of these.
Mr. Cushman of the blog entitled “Harsh Reality” is a genuinely caring advocate of the WordPress community, a place where many people find entertainment, an outlet to share, and in many cases literally life-saving support, as I’m sure you know. Please find here: https://lindaghill.com/2015/01/14/save-harsh-reality/ a petition of support for what he does, his blog, and how much his practices mean to other bloggers. Advocates for Mr. Cushman’s continued full-service abilities can be found in the hundreds in the comments of my post. I understand that there have been complaints against aopinionatedman.com, yet I strongly suspect that the supportive souls far outweigh the negative feedback.
I, therefore, humbly request that you reinstate his ability to “follow” and “like” other blogs. I’m sure I am far from the only blogger who has been encouraged by Mr. Cushman to pay for his or her site – not that I nor anyone else would necessarily remove our “paid” status from WordPress, but it would be a shame if such an advocate, not only for bloggers but for WordPress themselves removes himself from your site.
Thank you in advance for your speedy attention to this critical matter.
Yours very sincerely,
Linda G. Hill

Again, please direct all comments in support of Jason C. Cushman, aka Opinionated Man at HarsH ReaLiTy here: https://lindaghill.com/2015/01/14/save-harsh-reality/

Now I’m off to bed, exhausted but satisfied that I have done my best to SAVE HARSH REALITY!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!


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The Harsh Reality

So I read WordPress’s Terms of Service. Fun times. Basically they cover their “assets” by saying they can do whatever they want – we agree to this when we sign up. Feel safe? Check section 16.

  • Termination. Automattic may terminate your access to all or any part of the Website at any time, with or without cause, with or without notice, effective immediately. If you wish to terminate this Agreement or your WordPress.com account (if you have one), you may simply discontinue using the Website. All provisions of this Agreement which by their nature should survive termination shall survive termination, including, without limitation, ownership provisions, warranty disclaimers, indemnity and limitations of liability.

Here’s the link if you’re interested in reading the rest: http://en.wordpress.com/tos/

HarsH ReaLiTy’s access to “follow” and “like” blogs was suspended. This is why, and I quote from a letter made public in the forums:

Hello,

We have noticed unusual behavior in your account, and have disabled several social features of WordPress.com, such as liking and/or following, as a result.

You have agreed to our Terms of Service which specifically says your “blog is not getting advertised via unwanted electronic messages such as spam links on newsgroups, email lists, other blogs and web sites, and similar unsolicited promotional methods”.

Your rapid pattern of liking or following has exceeded our hourly limits many times, which caused your account to be flagged.

Your ability to follow other blogs will not be restored. If you genuinely need to follow so many blogs, we would encourage you to use an external RSS feed reader (eg. Feedly.com).

Lisa | Community Guardian | WordPress.com

As a result of this, Jason Cushman, aka Opinionated Man, owner of HarsH ReaLiTy, has said he will close down his site – and I can’t blame him. He has done more for bloggers on WordPress than anyone I know: what enabled him to do so is the very thing they are accusing him of doing wrong.

One would hope that the above is at least in part a form letter, sent to those whose blogs are flagged. One would also hope that there is a real human being investigating these automatic flags – a human being with compassion, common sense, and an eye for discerning what is truly malicious and self-serving and what is genuine human interaction, as evidenced by the comments here: Save HarsH ReaLiTy!!.

It is with this hope that I will send the above link to the Terms of Service people. I can’t help but believe that they will see that their automated systems have picked up on a unique situation and that the matter needs to be dismissed as a non-issue.

Please – I ask you one more time, if you haven’t commented on Save HarsH ReaLiTy!! do so now. The more support this gets, the more chance there will be to get Opinionated Man back.

Don’t let this be a Harsh Reality!!!

Other posts on HarsH ReaLiTy:

https://idiotwriting.wordpress.com/2015/01/15/je-suis-opinionatedman-we-have-the-power-to-care/

THIS IS A VERY SAD DAY FOR BLOGGING

https://ahillbillyblogger.wordpress.com/2015/01/15/free-harsh-reality-from-wordpress-jail/

and of course: http://aopinionatedman.com/2015/01/14/closing-harsh-reality-going-private/


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Save HarsH ReaLiTy!! – SUSPENSION LIFTED!!!

No one likes spam. In internet terms (as opposed to the stuff you find on the grocery store shelf) it’s the bane of our existence. Its sole purpose is to get our attention and once it does, it either begs us to buy something or gives us something we would never pay for – something like a virus.

Then there is the exception to the rule. In fact, there is only one exception that I’ve found in over a decade of browsing the web. It may have seemed like a “spam follow” at the start, but when I followed the cookie-crumb trail that led me back to its source, it ended up benefiting me beyond my wildest dreams: it was HarsH ReaLiTy.

Jason, also known as Opinionated Man, has a huge (over 50,000 blog, twitter, and Facebook combined) following on his blog, HarsH ReaLiTy. His passion for connecting with other bloggers is instantly recognizable by the way he interacts in the comments. How did he get such an audience? By following other blogs. By doing the exact same thing our self-serving spammers do. The difference is, Jason gets the attention of other bloggers and once he does, he helps them! Not by selling them things they don’t need – by guiding them to find followings of their own.

He has dedicated hours and hours to create places for bloggers to find their communities:

http://aopinionatedman.com/2014/12/29/wordpress-meet-and-greet-3-all-bloggers-welcome/

To help them draw attention to themselves:

http://aopinionatedman.com/2014/11/13/share-your-blogger-profile-all-bloggers-welcome/

To help them promote themselves:

http://aopinionatedman.com/2014/08/06/share-a-post-all-bloggers-welcome/

The trickle-down benefits alone are nothing less than astounding. If you have ever read any of my helpful hints on blogging, you can thank Jason – he taught me three quarters of what I know.

Why am I telling you all this? WordPress has seen fit to suspend HarsH ReaLiTy’s ability to follow and “like” other blogs. It’s a crime. WordPress is taking away one of its own biggest assets – a service provided to its own patrons, FOR FREE, and out of the goodness of one man’s heart. I wrote a post myself about how hard he works to help others grow their blogs here: https://lindaghill.com/2014/09/23/wordpresss-own-welcoming-committee-harsh-reality/

If Jason C. Cushman has ever helped you, if you have ever read any of his blogging advice, if you have ever guest posted for him, if he has ever re-blogged you, if you have ever commented on HarsH ReaLiTy and met another blogger there, please sign below.

Comment – leave your words of support or just write the words, Save HarsH ReaLiTy. I will make sure the WordPress powers-that-be see this post and all the support that goes with it.

Re-blog – make sure this goes out to every corner of WordPress that Jason has reached.

HarsH ReaLiTy is not a spam blog. It is WordPress’s shining star.

Edit: I’m purposely NOT responding to comments here so as not to dilute the message: WE SUPPORT HARSH REALITY AND WHAT JASON DOES TO HELP BLOGGERS!! Thank you to all who have shared and commented so far, and thanks in advance to all who will. Please keep commenting and re-blogging! Let’s keep this at the top of the Reader!

Edit: Now that HarsH ReaLiTy’s suspension is lifted I’ll turn off the comments here. This post will remain, however, as testimony to what Jason means to us! Long live Opinionated Man!!
Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who commented and re-blogged. Your support is both overwhelming and heartwarming.
Now pass around the cookies!! 😀

Edit – April 20th: Jason re-blogged this with the following comment:

I actually didn’t read this until now because I was moody at the time. I feel the love from this post and the comments here. Thanks bloggers. -OM

I’ve turned the comments back on. You’re very welcome, Jason. It was the least I could do for all you’ve done for this community. 😀


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JusJoJan 14 – Annoying Phone Calls

For some random reason I was thinking today about a series of prank phone calls I received a while back and, as I often do, I thought about what I should have said. Don’t you hate it when that happens? Thinking of the perfect response half an hour – or half a year – later is one of my pet peeves. But I digress.

These particular calls came one night when I was alone in the house, trying to get some hard-earned sleep. They started after midnight with someone, a party blasting in the background, asking me for somebody I wasn’t. Apparently it was so hilarious that Mona or whoever they were looking for wasn’t at my number that they called back again. And again. And again. Drunk out of their gourds, I think they were passing the phone around each time they dialed.

Back to my brilliant idea. What I should have done:

Me: Domino’s Pizza

Them: (or so I imagine they would say) Hey, you dialed Domino’s!

Me: How can I help you?

Them: You guys want a pizza?

Me: Will that be for delivery?

Them: Sure!

Me: (muffling a giggle) What’s your address? Phone number?

Ah, drunk people are just too easy. At least in my imagination. If I ever get a chance to try this, I’ll let you know how it goes.

Just Jot It January! https://lindaghill.com/2015/01/01/just-jot-it-january-pingback-post-and-rules/ Do it now!

JJJ 2015