Life in progress

Category Archives: Funny


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One-Liner Wednesday – It’s Time

You know it’s time to take the air conditioner out of the kitchen window when you walk in and the oven is giving the fridge tips on how to keep the food warm.

IMG_20181120_203209

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Cheryl, at https://dreamingreality646941880.wordpress.com/


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#SoCS – Crunchy roll

You might be wondering to yourself, what is it with that woman? She posts prompts and half the time, she can’t even make it on time to her own party. (That woman would, of course, be me.) Not that I think you think of me much. I probably think of me, much more than you think of me, in fact.  My commas are all over the place tonight. Oops.

But I think what’s really wrong with me, other than my recent comma disability (it’s late, that’s my excuse), is that I have too many roles. Let’s see …

I’m a mother.

And a father, kinda, because it’s a one-parent household.

I’m an author.

I’m an editor.

I’m a housekeeper.

I’m a picker.

And a grinner.

I’m a lover.

And I’m a sinner.

… wait. Those last four might have been an earworm.

What it comes down to is I’ve got too much to do on the weekends. Silly of me, I suppose, to think I could keep this blogging stuff up indefinitely, what with everything else. The more I take on, the more I fail, it seems. (Ignore the commas.)

So, I try to roll with it all. But it’s a crunchy kind of roll, with far too many bumps along the way to make it even seem like a smooth roll.

It’s more of a rutted roll. Slimy in spots …

Okay, now I want sushi. I tried to get away from it, but the craving is there.

A nice crunchy roll would go down so nice as a midnight snack.

Oh, and I’ve also got a head cold.

I’m blaming this post on that.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This rather late, rather munchy (no, I’m not a midnight toker!) post, is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other fabulous posts and join in. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/11/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-17-18/


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One-Liner Wednesday – Share The Road!

These signs that say “Share the Road (with bicycles)” recently went up in the middle of some of the streets in my neighbourhood.

What they should say is “Share the Road with Bicycles except where these stupid signs are because there’s no way you’ll both fit on the road unless you’re willing to drive your car on the wrong side of the street, which isn’t a good idea at all, so go ahead and run the cyclist over.”

 

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Cheryl, at https://dreamingreality646941880.wordpress.com/


by 27 Comments

#SoCS – Ghost

The closest book to me when I sat down to write this was my own. Since I’m not ready to start quoting myself in any shape or form, I decided to go with the next-closest book–my trusty old thesaurus. Yes, I know Stephen King says don’t use one when you’re writing, but in my defense, I only use it when I have a word on the tip of my tongue that I know what it means but I can’t quite spit it out onto the screen.

Which is a good thing, because my screen would be DISGUSTING! So my thesaurus is there to save my laptop, plain and simple.

You’re welcome for the visual.

Bite me, Stephen King.

…

No, don’t.

ANYwhoo, where was I?

Oh yeah. The word I pointed to.

Ghost.

That’s actually the main word, but the actual word I pointed to under the word “ghost” was either “phantasm” or “semblance.” I’m not sure which one it was: I either have fat fingers or the print is small. Let’s go with that last one.

On the surface, these two words seem to have nothing to do with one another. I’ve always loved the word “phantasm.” It sounds to me like an extra-exciting way to say “ghost.” Maybe it’s the “ph” sound … that, for me, has always made for an interesting way to spell things.

Fun fact: when I was a teenager, I wanted to call my firstborn child “Phred.”

Anyway, the word “phantasm” should be in the news more at the moment, what with that woman who claims to be engaged to a ghost …

Yeah …

So! “Semblance.” Anyone? Let’s look it up in Merriam-Webster.

semblance

noun

sem·​blance | \ˈsem-blən(t)s  \

Definition of semblance 

1a: outward and often specious appearance or show : FORM

//wrapped in a semblance of composure— Harry Hervey

b: MODICUM

//has been struggling to get some semblance of justice for his people— Bayard Rustin

2: ASPECT, COUNTENANCE

3a: a phantasmal form : APPARITION

b: IMAGE, LIKENESS

4: actual or apparent resemblance

//her story bears some semblance to the truth

Who knew? I certainly didn’t before this morning. I love the word “apparition,” too.

Here’s a song by Canadian, Matthew Good.

Okay, wanna hear something really weird?

Of course you do.

I took the time to listen to the song (because I love it) and while the screen was black I could see the reflection of the screen in my glasses with the black rectangle in the reflection, making it seem like I was

stuck in my own machine!!

Freaky!

Watch the video … it’ll make sense.

And that’s my phantasm for the day.

Thank you. I’m here all week. Try the veal.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This post that I’m slightly self-conscious (ha!) over now is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. (I MADE IT ON TIME! GO ME!) If you’d like to join in the fun and read all the other posts, go to the following link and find all the particulars. https://lindaghill.com/2018/11/02/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-3-18/

 


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One-Liner Wednesday – Murder for Dummies?

Me, peering over my friend’s shoulder in the library, as she was looking at a book: Hmmm … Murder In the Family. Is that a how-to guide?

(She laughed. It’s good to have friends who share your sick sense of humour. And yes, Alex was driving me slightly batty at that very moment.)

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


by 31 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Words of Wisdom

A road not taken will forever remain a mystery.

A cold lake not swum in will prevent a cold.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


by 47 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Clippity-clop

Now I know where the squirrel–the one who walks across my roof when I’m trying to sleep in–got his hobnail boots from.

(Pictured: a poured-concrete sidewalk slab with squirrel footprints in the cement.)

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


by 42 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Go ahead, think the worst

I have no window coverings in my kitchen: there’s a window above the sink that looks straight into my back neighbour’s kitchen. Occasionally I’ll stand at the sink, fill a wine glass with water, and guzzle it right there. If I think my neighbours are watching, I drink two.

Perception is everything.

 

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


by 35 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Too Much Computer

You know you spend too much time on the computer when you wake up at 4:04 am and say to yourself, that can’t be good.

 

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


by 39 Comments

#SoCS – Worm of the Ear that Bit Me

I used to always get rid of earworms by listening to the song that was bugging me. It worked most of the time. It’s kind of like drinking to get over a hangover, which is where the completely nonsensical title of this post came from. Use it at will. It would be nice if one of these silly things I come up with becomes popular. Someone came up with the word “earworm” after all.  I guess the next step to fame for something like that is when the little squiggly red line underneath it disappears because it’s been added to the dictionary.

Is “earworm” in the dictionary? Yes. I just checked. The popular meaning doesn’t have a date mentioned in Merriam-Webster online, but the other meaning–corn earworm–has been around since 1802. Check it out. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/corn%20earworm

You learn something new every day.

Getting back to songs. With the number of earworms I get on any given day nowadays, I’d be looking up songs to get over them all day. The worm of the ear that bit me would be a constant occupation … I don’t know why I get so many songs stuck in my head. Maybe it’s my brain’s way of trying to get me to stop thinking of everything all the time, and concentrate on one, as annoying as it may be.

I mean seriously. I can hear a lawn mower while I type this–this is how bad it is–and my mind just went to “Mow, mow, mow your boat,” so now that’s stuck.

But I’ll get over it with another song.

Maybe one I write myself.

You’re welcome.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This highly annoying post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other participating blogs in the comments, and join in yourself. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-8-18/