Life in progress

Tag Archives: Humor


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One-Liner Wednesday – A Disco?

So on Sunday I walked into a restaurant and was greeted by the hostess, as you are. She glanced out the window and saw that there was an ambulance, lights flashing, at the seniors home across the street.

“Oh look at that,” she said. “An ambulance. It looks like a disco over there.”

I stared at her, a little flabbergasted, with a remark on the tip of my tongue that went something like, I doubt it does to the person the ambulance is there for. But I said nothing. Because once in a while, we all say something totally stupid.

 

Hey! Don’t forget the badge contest for One-Liner Wednesday! (Which, by the way, this post is NOT a good example of. In fact it’s a great example of how you can break the rules!) For details on the contest and to get your name (and/or your blog’s address) mentioned numerous times every week, click the link! https://lindaghill.com/2016/02/08/one-liner-wednesday-badge-call-for-submissions/ The contest closes Sunday and voting for the best badge starts Monday. Don’t delay – start designing now!

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Have fun!


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My Plans for February and Why I’ve Been MIA

That would be Missing In Action, and the reason is also what is behind my exciting news. A friend, who is also an avid reader and a respected author and reviewer of fiction has accepted my request to read my manuscript. I’ve asked her to give me a no-holds-barred opinion on whether or not my novel needs a professional editor. Yes, I know how many authors and editors insist that every novel MUST HAVE an editor, but seriously… My novel is 750 pages long. I’m looking at paying more money than I can probably ever hope to get back. So this is my last-ditch attempt to really see what’s up with my grammar.

So why have I not been around? I’m concentrating on getting this baby as good as it’s going to get before I give it up. And then, it’s either going to an editor or not because come hell or high water, it’s getting published this year. Why is it going to be published this year? Because I told my muse in a letter that it would. And that’s what it all comes down to.

Just had to slip that in

That’s right.

Not that I’m delusional enough to believe that even on the off-chance he read my letter he would remember it ten minutes later, let alone remember I’m writing a character with his sense of fashion, his stage presence and his face, he’s damned well going to (potentially if it gets to him) receive a copy of my novel in the mail, complete with his name in the acknowledgements! So there! (Disclaimer: The preceding run-on sentence is not, by any stretch of the imagination, an example of the grammar in my novel.)

Anyway, that’s what I’ve been doing and what I’ll be doing for the next week or so. But I haven’t forgotten about you! I realize I’m terribly behind in my reading and replying to comments. I’ll be going back a couple of weeks to get to them, so if you get a reply to a comment you’ve forgotten you left, don’t be surprised. In the meantime I’m going to try to post every day on my fiction blog, plus blog about my trip to Japan here, and, (of course) keep up the weekly prompts. In other words, I won’t be as busy as I was last month. 🙄

Wish me luck. 😀


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One-Liner Wednesday – It really sucks

Woke up to a new message

Woke up to a new message on my fridge… I wonder who left it?

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It was a rough night of peeing everywhere and bumping into things. (Winston, not me) It took him a few tries to get used to going down the small step through the back door without his cone jamming between the slats, causing him to get stuck. He’s still sucking air occasionally, but he doesn’t seem to be in any discomfort. I sincerely hope this is the end of his troubles. I can’t afford any more. But hey, the good news is it was only $2,200 instead of $2,500! 🙄

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.” However, if you’d like to combine One-Liner Wednesday with Just Jot It January, go right ahead!

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Have fun!


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One-Liner Wednesday – It’s not what you think

On Saturday, I went to a Japanese restaurant. It reminded me of the last Japanese restaurant I ate in, which was a Mister Donut.

In Tokyo.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.” However, if you’d like to combine One-Liner Wednesday with Just Jot It January, go right ahead!

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Have fun!


by 32 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – This may become a regular “thing”

I came into the kitchen to find this.

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“kgb got me help!” written on the fridge door.

This is what happens when your kids can spell.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.” However, if you’d like to combine One-Liner Wednesday with Just Jot It January, go right ahead!

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Have fun!


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Just Jot It January 7th – Robust

Robust isn’t a word I use often. If I did I would perhaps say that I enjoy a robust wine, or blend of coffee. By that I would mean extremely flavourful. But. (There’s always a “but” in there, right?)

I looked up “robust” in my trusty Thesaurus and came up with some very interesting synonyms. Among them are: athletic, hard-headed, lusty, realistic, rollicking, straightforward, and unsubtle.

… How…? I mean how do you describe, say, a person as having all these qualities?

“The athlete rollicked straightforwardly into a lusty yet realistic dance, with an unsubtle hard-headedness. Because that’s who he was.”

Or even worse:

“The wine rollicks over the tongue with an athletic, lusty twist before heading straightforwardly to the belly warming your insides in an unsubtle, hard-headed… really… I don’t even.”

Who knew the word “robust” could mean so many things? For a six-letter word, it’s got to be the most confusing one in the English language.

This “Robust” prompt is brought to you by Michael at Morpethroad. Click on the link and have a read, and tell him I said hi! And thank him for the crazy prompt!

JJJ 2016

To find the rules for Just Jot It January, click here and join in today. It’s never too late! And don’t forget to ping back your January 7th post here!


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One-Liner Wednesday – Enough Said

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“no coffee no workee”

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.” However, if you’d like to combine One-Liner Wednesday with Just Jot It January, go right ahead!

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Have fun!


by 19 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – On Taking a Joke

A conversation between my best friend, John, and I:

Me: I need Tylenol.

John: Where’s the pain?

Me: My head, my shoulder, my hips, my ass.

John: (smiles)

Me: But that last one I’ll have to give you Tylenol for.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Have fun!


by 33 Comments

Unclobbered – #SoCS

Usually, and this year is no exception, we Canadians are sitting around waiting to be clobbered by the freezing cold that comes with January. The year is exceptional however for the fact that we haven’t yet been clobbered by a load of snow. We are (many of us) snowless. Decidedly unclobbered.

This was taken November 4th.

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This was taken yesterday in the same stretch of park.

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See how green it is? It’s neither red nor white. It’s green.

Waiting to be clobbered by the cold is similar to sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, knowing you’re about to get a needle. Only the needle lasts for several months rather than several seconds. Because it really is painful. -40 degrees on your face feels like a whole face full of needles. When it reaches the fingers it burns. Even your nose hairs revolt and freeze into teensy icicles that close up your nostrils… which could actually be a natural response to prevent brain freeze.

But with all this green going on, maybe I’m just working myself into a frenzy of fear for nothing. Hey, maybe I won’t have to pull my clodhopping boots out of the closet this winter at all.

Right.

This chilly disclosure is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday: https://lindaghill.com/2015/12/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-1215/ Click the link and join in today. Yeah, you!

SoCS badge 2015


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Tuesday Use It In A Sentence – Festoon

I hope you appreciate how far I had to go for this one:

It’s Fez, tuned.

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It’s Tuesday Use It In A Sentence! Click here: https://fortyandfantastique.wordpress.com/2015/12/07/tuesdayuseitinasentence-festoon/ and join in today!