Life in progress


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Fiction is funnier

An encounter this morning with a cashier at the grocery store left me wondering what planet I’m living on. This is how it went:

Her: Hello, how are you?

Me: Fine thanks.

Her: (looking at my t-shirt) What’s that, ‘Ty Chy’?

Me: (realising I’m wearing my Tai Chi practice shirt) Oh! It’s Tai Chi.

Her: What’s that, some kind of food?

Me: (not wanting to confuse her with science) No, it’s an exercise.

Her: (blank stare)

Me: Sort of like yoga.

Her: OH! Yoda! That’s that meditation stuff, right?

Me: (not wanting to get into it) Yeah.

Her: That’s when they tell you if you concentrate enough you can move this way and put that there and Avada Kedavra, you’re flat on your face.

Me: Right.

I wonder if I could have got away with paying for my groceries with Gringotts gold…

Gringotts

photo source: Wikia


45 Comments

My missing week

It all started Tuesday morning at 2:41am. I was woken from my sleep by one sick little boy. You have to understand that when this kid gets sick, he really gets sick. Stomach flu has, up until now, always landed him in the hospital because of his heart condition; his heart doesn’t do well with dehydration. So after being up since above mentioned 2:41 I took him to the hospital to get him set up on an IV before his condition became critical. Then I learned something new.

They don’t automatically hook up the IV anymore. First they try a very strong anti-nausea medication. So we did that, and after they were sure he would at least be able to handle electrolytes he was sent home.  Five hours later he wasn’t tolerating anything anymore, so back to the hospital. I’ve seen this kid when he’s been in distress, and believe me, I don’t want to go there again. It’s no fun seeing your 12 year old in cardiac arrest.

8:30pm we arrived in emergency again. 3:46am we were called into a room… still no real signs of distress from my little guy but he looked pretty dry having kept down the equivalent of two glasses of water all day – it was Wednesday by then. So we got into a room and he layed down on the bed and went to sleep. I managed to nod off for about 45 minutes sitting up in a chair. Then the doctor finally came in, woke me up, and demanded answers none of which I could remember right away, so she was pissed off. She informed me that they would give him some more of this wonder drug and try to feed him a half hour later, meanwhile they would send him for an x-ray because of his history of bowel obstructions. That was fine. We got back from that and I nodded off again, sitting up – 45 minutes later (an hour and a half after he’d had the drug) two nurses came in with a needle saying the doctor had ordered blood work on him.

“I thought you were going to try to give him water!” I exclaimed, tired beyond belief by this time.

“Nope,” they said. “Just blood work.”

They asked me to hold him still for them while he screamed his poor bloody head off but I was too much of a wreck. I felt sick. So they went about it without me. When I did turn to help they had poked him, unsuccessfully, and given up. Oh, did I forget to mention the discussion they’d had between them where the least experienced of them had offered to let the more senior one try and the more senior said no, you try it. … even though I told them it was difficult to find a vein on him when he WASN’T dehydrated? Yeah, that happened.

Then they left. Without saying a word to me, they walked out. I managed to snag one of them about half an hour later and I asked her what was happening.

“What’s happening with what?” she asked.

“With the blood work!” I said, shaking my head.

“Oh, he struggles too much and we don’t have enough people to hold him,” she said, and rushed away. This was at 6:50am.

I stood up after that, hoping to catch a glimpse of someone who would actually tell me what was going on. At 8:30am the doctor finally came in. She took one look at Alex, who by this time was busying himself getting packed up to go, and one look at me, and declared I looked worse than he did.  Well yeah, after 4 hours of sleep over the course of 48, what would you expect? I was total mush.

I had everything explained to me, finally. His x-ray didn’t look normal so she told the nurse to let me know they were holding his water and giving him blood work instead… but the nurse didn’t. Had they done that I would have been able to tell them he looked better and saved him from being poked unnecessarily. Apparently the doctor had also requested a bed for me so I could get some sleep… Lovely.

So we were sent home.

Then I got sick.

I completely lost Thursday to sleep and, well, bed. There was NO WAY I was going back to the damned hospital.

So here I am. Both of us are better and almost back to normal. So what did I miss?


26 Comments

Back from vacation

Scream

Me, before my vacation

I just returned home tonight from a lovely four day stay with my dear dear friend Dori, in Montreal. I had so much fun!

How much fun did I have, you ask?

I had so much fun, I didn’t even miss the internet!

HA! Take that, internet!

Now I need sleep. Nighty-night.


48 Comments

Calculators – The downfall of mankind?

So I’m in the grocery store today. You can probably figure out from the title where this is going.

For my international friends I’ll share some background to the story. Recently in Canada we did away with the physical penny, which means if you’re paying with cash they now round it off to the closest 5 cents. Not so with debit and credit cards. So my bill came to $4.07. I asked for a plastic bag and the cashier added another $.06 onto the bill to make it $4.13, which is what I paid with my debit card.

I commented to the cashier, since there was no one else in line, that the government and/or the stores are really making money on this penny thing, because if I was paying cash she would have asked me for $4.05 but the plastic bag would have cost me $.10 because $4.13 would have rounded up to $4.15. She looked confused. So I went on to explain that the difference between $4.05 and $4.15 was  more than the $.06 that the bag cost but by that time I’d lost her. She was staring in the other direction looking for customers (that weren’t there) and ignoring me.

More and more I’m seeing this. As the kids come out of school and start working in stores with cash registers that tell them how much change to give (when they deal with cash at all) they’re at a complete loss if they ever have to figure it out for themselves. I should probably add that the cashier I had today was in her early twenties.

Between this and text shorthand, I’m all but ready to give up on the future of mankind.


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Spring Cleaning

mangey

I feel like Snow White around here sometimes, minus the seven little miners.

Spring cleaning, for me, is not a companionless task. See the debris all over my deck? The blue jays sat on the edge of my roof yesterday and flung it from my eavestroughs, scrounging for insects in amongst the leftover leaves from the fall.

This morning I caught this mangy little guy nibbling on the scraps.

friend

Now all I need is a nice long sleep…


22 Comments

Singular

Dandy
You are unique. I know you wish you weren’t. I know you don’t want to be thought of as different, but the fact is that you are.

There are not thousands of you, or even hundreds. There is you.

No one else thinks the way you do. No one looks like you or sees the things you see in exactly the way you see them.

No one even smells like you; you are sweeter than the rest.

When you go, the people who have known you will grieve, but they will also learn to smile. They will remember the joy with which you illuminated everyone around you.

Be proud to be unique. And know that the way you touch the earth is precious.


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Adventures on my Paper Route – What I wanted to say was….

I had help today! 😀

Slave... I mean Alex

Slave… I mean Alex

He even took some pictures for me!

His favourite

His favourite

But the real adventure didn’t start until we came across the lady playing catch with her unleashed dog.

Me: (holding Alex by both hands as the dog is running towards us) He’s afraid of dogs.

Lady: Oh, he’s friendly.

Me: But he’s afraid of dogs.

Bitch: (looking around me at Alex who is straining to see where the dog went) Does he want to pet him?

Me: (hanging on to Alex for dear life so he doesn’t run into traffic) No, he’s afraid of dogs.

Psycho bitch: But he’s smiling…

Me: (in my head) Hey fuckflap! Have you ever considered how shitty you would feel if a kid got run over by a car because of your friendly fucking dog that you won’t restrain because you obviously know my son better than I do? Wake the fuck up and listen to me! HE’S AFRAID OF FUCKING DOGS!!!

In reality I said nothing because the dog had run off again. I should have said something.

Shadow


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Lunchtime!

I’m going to eat my last avocado. Wish me luck!


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Further to my post below this one

Dear Natasha,

P.S. When I told my son you were moving he smiled but his eyes glazed over. He turned away and tried to hide the fact that he had to take his glasses off to wipe his eyes. I imagine he’s upset because he remembers the two times, at the beginning when you allowed him to come over and play baseball with your kids, and because he’ll miss watching them have fun while pretending to ignore him for your sake, surreptitiously waving to him when you weren’t looking. I wonder if your kids wonder why they didn’t get to say goodbye to him.

I hope your kids rebel so bad…


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Why I write fiction

English: Icon for lists of science fiction authors (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was sitting here trying to come up with a blog post when I realized it. There’s nothing going on in my real life that’s worth writing. Whenever I came up with something, it was either something I want or something I imagine.

For instance, I was out on my paper route today, looking as I always do for inspiration, and there was this woman walking her dog. From a distance it was an odd looking dog, mostly because it was black and gray and the gray parts of the dog blended in so well with the sidewalk that parts of it were invisible. So, of course, my imagination took over.

What if I woke up one day and no longer recognized things that I should… as though I’d woken up in a different dimension. And what if I saw this dog on my paper route and *gasp* it had four legs?!? Everyone knows that animals all have two or three legs – except birds who of course have four. But imagine that! An animal that resembled a dog except it had FOUR LEGS!

So that’s my life. Dogs with four legs. Exciting stuff, eh?