Life in progress

Category Archives: Funny


by 27 Comments

Adventures on my Paper Route – Nosehair is Growing Up!

I realize many of my current followers weren’t around for the introduction of Nosehair–or actually The Tree Formerly Known As Nosehair–so I’ll provide a little background.

It all started with a tree that I walk past daily on my paper route who has a face. This is Nosehair when he actually had a nosehair:

Nosehair

Nosehair

You can read about Nosehair and his subsequent plucking here: https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2013/07/25/adventures-on-my-paper-route-angry-birds-and-a-plucking/

Then, drama happened. An evil nemesis (who I tidily named “Nemesis”) from the city came to cut down some of The Tree Formerly Known As Nosehair’s friends! It was a terrible time. I managed to speak to this evil city employee, but he was evasive about his plans. You can read about it here: https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/adventures-on-my-paper-route-is-it-ironic-or-are-they-just-drumming-up-business/

Since that time the neighbourhood has been mostly quiet. I have a little chat with The Tree Formerly Known As Nosehair most days as I walk by. I’m sure the people who live in the house he stands in front of think I’m a little nuts, but the squirrels like me.

So where is this all leading to? The news! The Tree Formerly Known As Nosehair has his first tooth!

CAM00335

His first tooth!

Doesn’t he look handsome? *sniff sniff* My baby’s growing up!


by 12 Comments

Why, Thank You (Daily Prompt)

Still the best backhanded compliment I’ve ever received:

My best friend John, to me: “It’s nice having you or someone intelligent to talk to once in a while.”

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/why-thank-you/

What’s the best (or rather, worst) backhanded compliment you’ve ever received? If you can’t think of any — when’s the last time someone paid you a compliment you didn’t actually deserve?


by 17 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Theoretically…

The quickest way to a man’s heart really is through his stomach, because then you don’t have to chop through that pesky rib cage.
– J. Jacques

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself for “One-Liner Wednesday” are as follows:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


by 18 Comments

One-Line Wednesday – T-shirts Say the Funniest Things

“Smile and the world smiles with you.

Fart, and you stand alone.”

~ my best friend John’s t-shirt

 

______________________________________________________________________________________

Anyone who would like to try it out may feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post. If you do, please ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet. It’s a great way to meet new bloggers!

The rules that I’ve made for myself for “One-Liner Wednesday” are as follows:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


by 18 Comments

On the Buses

The people in my town are polite – I’ve written about how dangerously polite they are in the past. But today, on the city bus, I found out how far it really goes.

Take, for instance, the graffiti:
graffiti

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s something a little edgier: It originally said, “All your base are belong to us,” until a handy grammarian came along and corrected it to, “All your bases belong to us.”

graffitinazi

 

 

 

 

I swear it wasn’t me.


by 18 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Quite Witty

When asked by a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood, “Dear Abby” replied, “You could move.”
― Abigail Van Buren

 

______________________________________________________________________________________

Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself for “One-Liner Wednesday” are as follows:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


by 49 Comments

Go ahead, call me crazy

2014-Participant-Vertical-BannerIn my infinite wisdom borne of never having enough of a challenge in my life, I’ve decided to join Camp NaNoWriMo, which starts July 1st. My goal is to write 25,000 words of the sequel to the novel I started and failed as a NanoWriMo project in November of 2011. That one took me 18 months to finish. I’m not under any delusion that I can get the sequel done in a month, so I won’t even try.

But wait, Linda, I hear you saying. You can’t even reply to the comments on your blog, what makes you think you can take on another project?

To answer that question, I have no idea other than that I need to start being creative again or I will go completely around the bend. I’m halfway there now, and let me tell you, the scenery ’round there is scary-dark and smells ominously like a fart.

Is it worse than getting lost in the woods while at Camp Nano? There’s only one way to find out. I figure I should be okay as long as I don’t come across any bears — ‘coz you know what THEY do in the woods.

 


by 31 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Bad Advertising

What’s stranger than standing in the bug spray aisle at the pharmacy and having to swat away a mosquito?


by 30 Comments

There’s Pain and then There’s Pain (and then there’s pain in the rain)

This morning while waiting outside for Alex’s school bus with Alex and my best friend John, I lifted my right hand to point at something and felt a shooting pain through my shoulder. I moaned. Not normally being one to complain about aches and pains, I thought about what made me so miserable where this shoulder thing is concerned.

Being that I was diagnosed with arthritis in it, I explained to John that pain has never really bothered me that much. I just live with it. But I realise it’s different this time, because I’m not sure it’ll ever go away: I may very well have to suffer with this one for the rest of my life.

I suppose just saying that made me deserve what was to come. At the house of the second customer on my paper route, I missed a step on the way down and landed on my knee on their brick pathway.

It could have been worse though – I could be out in the torrential downpour I’m watching through the window as I type this.


by 38 Comments

A Tuna Built a Nest Under My Front Steps!

It’s true! A tuna has taken up residence under my front steps. What’s worse, there may be more than one!

Okay, by now you’re probably asking yourself what the hell I’m talking about. Let me tell you a story.

One fine evening when my eldest son was about a year old, my ex and I decided to go for a walk around the block, baby in carriage. It was spring, just like it is now, and the lilacs were blooming their fragrant heads off. The bumble bees were in heaven, and there were plenty of them. Their low pitched drones could be heard as they busily buzzed from blossom to blossom.

In the thick of it all, my ex decided that it might be the best idea for me to push the carriage. When I inquired why, he explained.

Now there are two things you need to know about my ex at this point. One, is that he is French. Quebecois. And two, that he is deathly afraid of bees.

His explanation for not wanting to push the carriage containing our child was as follows:

Because if I see a taon, I’m going to run.

Taon is the French word for horsefly, deer fly… but he meant bumble bee.

What I heard was thon, which is French for tuna.

Many minutes passed before I was able to get up off the ground from laughing so hard. When I could finally speak, with tears running down my face, I told him he could push the carriage because it didn’t matter – if I saw a tuna, I was going to run as well.

So there you have it. I have a tuna living under my steps. I won’t be telling my ex though – I won’t see him again until winter if I do.

movieposter

My ex’s vision of a tuna