Life in progress

Category Archives: Opinion


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Transgender Change-room Issue – Emotion vs Common Sense

I spend way too much time on Facebook. The reasons I go there are to find things to laugh at, see pretty pictures, get world news (shake your finger at me if you must, but it’s where learn what’s going on), and get into arguments.

One of my most recent was over the gender bathroom issue. I’m talking about this here at the risk of sounding like I’m trying to validate my views. I’m not. I just really want to talk about it, because it’s been on my mind for weeks. Before I go any further, I want to go on record to state that I’m not against transgender people using the bathroom of their choice. I realize the chances of a transgender woman (male to female) getting beaten to death is much higher if she uses the men’s washroom than that she will abuse anyone in the women’s washroom. In fact chances are that she’s so self-conscious, it’s unlikely she’d even look anyone in the eye, let alone peek under a bathroom stall. I’m not here to debate whether it’s right or wrong for transgender people to choose a bathroom. If you are not of the same opinion as I, that is your right. If you comment just to state your opinion on which side you’re on, you’ll get a smile emoji and I’ll say nothing else. All I really ask is that you keep it civil.

The whole Facebook argument started when I came across a meme on a friend’s page concerning not only the bathroom issue, but whether or not transgender people should use change rooms in gyms. I wasn’t aware that this was an issue, so my comment was something like, You mean they’re allowed to use public change rooms too? Okay, yes I probably could have worded it better. I was called out for using both the word “they” and the word “allowed.” I had to explain that I didn’t mean I think transgender people are inhuman, but rather I was speaking in a broad sense the same way I would speak about men vs. women. I don’t consider men to be inhuman, even though I call them “them” when differentiating between my sex and the sex that isn’t mine. Also, I didn’t mean to say that they’re any less human by saying they’re not “allowed” to use the women’s washroom, any more than I’m saying cisgendered men are lesser beings because they’re not “allowed” to use the women’s washroom. They’re not. Right? I just love over-sensitivity.

So on with the actual discussion. I told the woman I was speaking to (we’ll call her Mary) that I wasn’t necessarily against transgender women using a change room where she could feel comfortable. I agreed it was important that she not have to change in front of men. But in all the gym change rooms I’ve been into, everyone gets naked and I wouldn’t be comfortable changing in front of a person who is, no matter how she identifies or feels deep inside to be, is still physically a man. And I wouldn’t want my daughter (if I had one) to be confronted with a grown man’s penis. Mary asked me what there was to be afraid of. It’s just a penis.

I tried to explain to her that the sex education of my children should be up to me, that I should be able to decide when the time, the place, and the mode of teaching is appropriate. I believe it is both my right and my responsibility as a parent to choose how and when my children learn certain things. No one should make this choice for me, whether it’s a person with the physical attributes of a male in a change room or a flasher on the street. She disagreed, telling me that it would be the perfect opportunity to teach a young daughter the difference between boys and girls. She said it was the same as when her daughter asked about her infant son. She then went on to tell me how much of a bigot I am, and how I’m part of the problem.

The next day I went to my government’s website to see how we deal with this situation in Ontario (Canada). I found out that my government does its best to accommodate transgender people. They state that it’s necessary for all businesses to have a safe place for everyone to go to the washroom, change, and shower. Most facilities already have family rooms that are well-partitioned and/or are for single-person use. This, to me, is the perfect solution and ensures that everyone is comfortable. Still, I’m seen as a bigot.

It seems there is a line between common sense and entitlement. Political correctness, not wanting to offend anyone and over-sensitivity overrun our society to the point that there is little logic left in the world. Society runs on emotion, and that is the case for Mary who, as I found out later in our discussion, is the mother of a transgender girl.

I believe until we, as a society, are able to think with our brains rather than our hearts we will always be in conflict. But hasn’t it always been that way?


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Song-Lyric Sunday – “The Way” – Fastball

Today’s theme for Song-Lyric Sunday is Moms. I wanted to share something a little different. I’ve always loved the song, “The Way,” by Fastball. It reminds me of carefree days before kids, when the world was my oyster and the road was paved with gold, at least in my mind. It also reminds me that there are people in the world who never grow up, who never submit to the responsibility of the children they bear. What the couple does in the song is a fleeting fantasy. One I admit to occasionally having. In me, it only lasts a split second. For some…

“The Way” – Fastball

They made up their minds
And they started packing
They left before the sun came up that day
An exit to eternal summer slacking
But where were they going without ever
Knowing the way?

They drank up the wine
And they got to talking
They now had more important things to say
And when the car broke down they started walking
Where were they going without ever
Knowing the way?

[Chorus:]
Anyone can see the road that they walk on
Is paved in gold
And it’s always summer
They’ll never get cold
They’ll never get hungry
They’ll never get old and grey
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere
They won’t make it home
But they really don’t care
They wanted the highway
They’re happier there today, today

Their children woke up
And they couldn’t find them
They left before the sun came up that day
They just drove off and left it all behind ’em
But where were they going without ever
Knowing the way?

[Chorus]

Song-Lyric Sunday is brought to you by the lovely and talented Helen Espinosa. Click the link and learn how you, too, can join in! https://helenespinosa.wordpress.com/2016/05/08/song-lyric-sunday-oh-mother-by-christina-aguilera/

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One-Liner Wednesday – Freedom

gulls2

Our freedom depends on others, no matter who we are.

gulls

Lest we forget.

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Anyone who would like to participate, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our new, very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com


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Song-Lyric Sunday – On The Turning Away by Pink Floyd

I was lucky enough to see Pink Floyd live in Toronto, in the summer of 1994. It was an outdoor concert on a beautiful evening; a soft breeze blew and the music was absolutely heart-wrenchingly wonderful. I was about six months pregnant at the time, and the baby, my eldest son, did somersaults to the beat of the bass guitar. This was one of the songs they played.

I dream there will be a day when it’s no longer relevant. In the meantime, there is no better reminder.

Copied and pasted from AZLyrics.com:

“On The Turning Away”

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say
Which we won’t understand
“Don’t accept that what’s happening
Is just a case of others’ suffering
Or you’ll find that you’re joining in
The turning away”
It’s a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow
And casting it’s shroud
Over all we have known
Unaware how the ranks have grown
Driven on by a heart of stone
We could find that we’re all alone
In the dream of the proud
On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord
Using words you will find are strange
Mesmerised as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night
No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
It’s not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there’ll be
No more turning away?
Lyrics: David Gilmour and Anthony Moore

This post is part of Song-Lyric Sunday! Click the link for all the details: https://helenespinosa.wordpress.com/2016/05/01/song-lyric-sunday-lost-in-darkness-by-escape-the-fate/ and join in Helen’s fantastic prompt!


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#SoCS – Zoos

I’ve been to quite a few zoos in my time. The ones I can remember off the top of my head are the London Zoo, the Toronto Zoo, and the African Lion Safari. The link for the latter one is here: http://www.lionsafari.com/ Just looking at their site makes me want to go back. I think I might do that this summer with the kids.

Strangely enough, the thing I remember most about the Toronto Zoo is that, when I went there with my friends when we were in high school, there was a McDonald’s in the park but they didn’t allow straws. Nor did they allow plastic cutlery. I assume it was because people would throw them into the animal enclosures and the animals would choke on them. (Stupid people.) But do you have any idea how hard it is to drink a McDonald’s milkshake without a straw… or a spoon?

Why do stupid people ruin things for everyone else? Do you ever wonder? We just accept the restrictions we have on ourselves – restrictions which we know are in place to protect stupid people and the things stupid people affect. For the life of me, I can’t think of another example, but you know what I mean. If you can think of one, mention it in the comments, would you? Thanks.

What if we had zoos full of stupid people? We could stare at them behind glass enclosures and laugh at the things they do. Maybe they could share the monkey exhibits… We could throw them straws and watch them stick them up their noses. Give them hot coffee to pour on themselves… oh wait. There are warnings on cups.

Actually, we already do this, in a way. We have America’s Funniest Videos.

I’d better stop before I get myself into trouble.

Have you ever noticed that this stream of consciousness thing is kind of like being drunk? You say whatever comes to mind…

SoCS badge 2015This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link and see how you, too, can join in! https://lindaghill.com/2016/04/29/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-3016/

 


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Yielding – #AtoZ Challenge

In my post yesterday, about how difficult it is for my son, Alex, to play with the neighbourhood children, I mentioned that part of his problem is my fault. Thing is, the other kids tend to play from one side of the street to the other and up and down both sides. Kids, being kids, sometimes run across the street to beat the traffic. If Alex follows them but doesn’t see the car, (and of course he doesn’t hear it) the results are literally the stuff of nightmares for me. The traffic on my street should be going at 40km/h (25mph) but occasionally people speed down it as though they were the only ones on the road. On that account I’ve tried to get the city to put up signs, but they refused, saying they deal only with signs that meet provincial standards.

The signs I’ve seen in this province, in various towns and cities, include “Elderly Persons Crossing,” “Children at Play,” “Turtle Crossing,” and “Duck Crossing.” But they won’t put one up for my Deaf son. There are actually a couple of “Deaf Children at Play,” signs across town, but they won’t put one up here. They told me that perhaps they’ve been there since the guidelines were changed.

As parents, we all have to advocate for our kids, whether for their schooling, the services they need, their health… The list goes on. This is just one of the many I have to deal with. I need to find help, I think.

What have you advocated for on your family’s behalf and succeeded?


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X-Exclusion – #AtoZ Challenge

One of the hardest things for me to endure, as the mother of a Deaf child, is the exclusion of Alex by the hearing neighbourhood kids. Admittedly, part of it is my fault. Explaining why would be going off on a tangent, however, so I’ll leave that for tomorrow’s post.

Alex does have friends at school, but they live all over the province. Some are in residence on campus, many live miles away. So it’s difficult for him to get together with them outside of school. But like any kid, he sees children his own age outside his own house playing and he wants to join in. There are a couple who will play with him as long as their friends aren’t around – understandable in a way, since once they start discussing what they’re going to do, it’s hard to include Alex in the conversation. But even when they’re alone with Alex, they eventually get frustrated with trying to communicate with him. So they stop playing.

Then there are the kids across the street. He went over to play with them once, but they had no tolerance for him. They complained to one of Alex’s friends that does play with him that he “gives them a headache.” I wonder where they got that phrase from. It’s not often you see a perfectly healthy 7 or 10 year old child with an actual headache. Since that one time, they’ve sent him away and left me to explain to him that they don’t want to play with him. Or worse, they’ve let him stay and made fun of him, thinking he can’t understand. As I’ve mentioned before, most of sign language is body language and facial expression. He understands just fine. Incredibly, I’ve even had one of them accuse him of hitting her so she could use the excuse that he was mean to her. She figured, I suppose, that he would be unable to explain to me what really happened.

It doesn’t seem to matter how much we teach our children tolerance (though the kids and their parents across the street could use a lot more), they will be kids. They have their own interests, which don’t always include being able to play with only minimal communication. It’s a tough issue. One I can’t see a solution for.


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Thank you, WordPress!

I’m writing this short post to extend my warmest thank you to the people at WordPress who got our pingbacks working again after just twelve short days. In fact, I’d like to thank everyone, from the volunteers, to the Happiness Engineers, and all the way up to the developers! I mean honestly, what can be happier than a Happiness Engineer?

Won’t you join me in thanking them? After all, I’m certain that if all of us express our gratitude they’ll hear our collective voice and not change any more of our controls. Maybe they’ll even give us back some of the features they’ve already taken away to “help make our blogging experience better”!

Here’s to the great people at WordPress!!

P.S. Seriously, thanks for the pingbacks. Blogging prompts without them was annoying.


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Panic – #AtoZ Challenge

For my Deaf son, Alex, there’s no difference between a spider and a fire alarm. He understands what panic looks like, and he knows when I’m in one, but unless I sign why (which is difficult under the circumstances of real panic), then all he can do is wait until someone explains what the commotion is.

I could, and probably should, install special warning alarms in the house for him. The doorbell (first I’d have to get a doorbell) and the smoke detector are the two most obvious things to alert him of.  I haven’t bothered yet because he’s never at home alone. And equipment is expensive. Just an alarm clock that either shakes the bed or lights up (which only works in the dark I’m guessing) …scratch that. I just looked up the cost of one at Walmart and he wants a Spiderman one. They don’t make them. On with a search.

But I digress. There are many circumstances in which a Deaf person can be caught short. Just two examples: alarms in hotels don’t normally exist for the Deaf, and a bomb threat in a shopping mall would leave a Deaf person who was out alone wondering which way to run. We don’t realize how much we rely on our hearing.

Again, another reason for having more people in society who know some sign language. So many things to advocate for, so little time.

The sign, in ASL for “fire”: https://www.signingsavvy.com/sign/FIRE/3459/1

My A to Z theme concerns the joys and challenges of being the hearing mother of my Deaf son, Alex. To learn more about his beginnings in life, click here to go to my first A to Z entry.


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Kindness – #AtoZ Challenge

Though my son, Alex, observes much more than most of us in the family do, there’s at least a quarter, if not half, of what the rest of us perceive that he misses, being Deaf. While we hear things that go on around us without having to see them, (right now there’s a car going by with a rattling trailer on the back, and my other son, Chris, is coughing upstairs in his room) Alex’s world is quiet. He only knows what is in front of his face. I know this, because I often accidentally sneak up on the poor kid and scare him out of his erps.

I think of him in his own little world, not knowing what’s going on around him, and I find it natural that we end up calling him, “Your Majesty.” He’s self-centered in a way that makes sense. And yet he still finds a way to be in tune.

That he has compassion, even though I’m not able to explain to him what compassion means, tells me that teaching by example goes so much further than speaking. Openness begets openness, caring begets caring, and love begets love. This, unfortunately, can also be said for close-mindedness, rejection, and hate. To me, it speaks in volumes about how we all need to behave around our children.

Kindness is as often shown in gestures as it is in words. We can express kind words to one another without meaning them, but the sincerity of a smile cannot be faked. Nor can the act of opening a door, or handing back a lost item that a person doesn’t know he or she has dropped. I’m happy to have not only been able to demonstrate these qualities to my son, but I’m grateful to have been able to expose him to other people who have as well.

alex valentine

My A to Z theme concerns the joys and challenges of being the hearing mother of my Deaf son, Alex. To learn more about his beginnings in life, click here to go to my first A to Z entry.