Life in progress


16 Comments

#SoCS – The Measurement of Moo – #AtoZChallenge

The word my thesaurus gave me today is “measurement.” The following is pure stream of consciousness writing. Unedited.  Enjoy.

The measurement of moo can vary. It might be simply moo, it may be moooo–I think it depends on the cow.

Or perhaps it relies on how hungry is the cow.

A cow who is famished may have a lengthy moooo, whereas a contented cow might have a moo. Does this mean an overstuffed cow gives out a mo?

Mo, the cow, lived in a meadow where the grass was very green. She was a lonely cow–all of her cow friends had gone off to less green pastures. Which meant they were shipped off to farms where they only served hay. Mo knew this because one of them, as she was going by in the back of a truck on her way from one hay-ish farm to another, yelled out, “YO! Mo! Thar’s hay in them thar hills!”

Mo was not a contented cow. She longed for a bull to call her own. She was fat from all the green, green grass she consumed on a daily basis, and she was very blue. Which was why she didn’t go with the other cows. No one wanted a blue cow named Mo.

The years passed, and Mo got fatter and fatter. Her only visitor was Flo, the lady farmer who looked after the farm. Every day Flo came to pat Mo on the head, and Mo would say “Mo,” and Flo would answer back, “Ho! Did you say ‘mo’? You’re supposed to say ‘moo,’ ya stupid blue cow!” and yes, Flo said this every day because she had no memory from one day to the next.

But then, one day, a bull showed up at the fence. It was a runaway bull from across the way, and he happened to be green.

“Mo,” said Mo when she saw him. She carefully approached the fence. She’d never seen a green bull before.

“Mooooo,” said the bull.

“Are you hungry?” asked Mo.

“I am,” replied the bull. “I’ve been walking up and down this road for days. My farmer doesn’t know I’m missing.”

“Oh dear,” said Mo. “Why don’t you hop over the fence and have some of my grass?”

So the bull did, and months later, they had a little brown calf whose name was Moo. And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Flo, who couldn’t figure out where the green bull came from and why all her cows were so stupid.

The End.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is fun! Click the link and join in today. https://lindaghill.com/2017/04/14/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-apr-1517/


7 Comments

Later – #AtoZChallenge

I was going to write this post before lunch, but my thesaurus had other ideas.

The temptation is great to take a picture of my thesaurus, to prove the word second from the bottom on the right-hand page is really “later.” And my quote above is not a lie. I procrastinated purely because of the word itself.

There aren’t very many synonyms in my book for “later.” There are seven: “after, afterwards, next, sequentially, subsequently, successively, thereafter.” Strangely enough, procrastination isn’t there. But “later” is certainly the word I use most when I’m putting something off.

And I put far too many things off lately. I have an excuse – I’m working. For money. Like, real money and everything. It’s my excuse for not publishing the book I was going to get out before this year, and then by the spring, and now, hopefully, before summer. And yes, it’s a good excuse, yet I’m getting angry at myself, because I really want to get my own book published. What I need is someone to kick my ass every time I say the word “later.” Yeah, that’s what I need.

***

Don’t wait ’til later, buy it now!  For only 99¢, you can get my A to Z Challenge-inspired novelette “All Good Stories.” It’s a romantic comedy about two best friends who belong together – Xavier knows it, but Jupiter has her eye on another guy: a shady character named Bob.

“A delightful read!!” ~ Cheryl Lynn Roberts, 4 stars, Amazon Canada review

“A short funny tale of two friends” ~ Ritu, 4 stars, Amazon UK review

“Quirky and charming.” ~ Bobby Underwood, #11 top reviewers on Goodreads – 5 stars

Click the picture to find it on Kindle, or get it on Kobo here: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/all-good-stories

 


15 Comments

Kindle – #AtoZChallenge

Ironically, it’s easier to set a paperback alight.

The fact that the word “kindle” in my thesaurus says nothing about the Amazon company’s hardware for reading ebooks caused me to do a little research. First, the copyright in the front of my book is 1998. I thought, ah-ha! That must be why. It is and it isn’t. Well, technically it IS–Amazon released the first Kindle in 2007–but apparently it wasn’t the first ereader by a long shot.

According to Wikipedia, the first commercially available ereader was the Rocket Ebook, which came out the same year as my thesaurus. More interestingly, as per Google, the very first automated reader was invented in Spain in 1949. I think the thesaurus was invented long before that, however. Considering its name, it could even have been dug up like an old bone.

Anyhoo, getting away from all that boring history stuff, “kindle” has some of the most amazing synonyms: “arouse,” “brighten,” “ignite,” “incite,” “sharpen,” and my favourite, “inspire,” to name a few. It’s enough to make you want to write a book. Or read one.

***

Hey, come to think of it, you know which book you should read? Mine! And you can get it on Kindle for only 99¢! Check out my A to Z Challenge-inspired novelette “All Good Stories.” It’s a romantic comedy about two best friends who belong together – Xavier knows it, but Jupiter has her eye on another guy: a shady character named Bob.

“A short funny tale of two friends” ~ Ritu, 4 stars, Amazon UK review

“Quirky and charming.” ~ Bobby Underwood, #11 top reviewers on Goodreads – 5 stars

Click the picture to find it on Kindle, or get it on Kobo here: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/all-good-stories


17 Comments

Jumble – #AtoZChallenge

When life is chaotic, it’s good to know a cup of tea is as close as the kettle, even if my bed is hours away.

Yippieee! Today my thesaurus has given me a word to play with that’s both a noun and a verb! That means I can jumble my jumble, or confuse my gallimaufry (which makes sense, because I have no idea what a gallimaufry is). I can muddle my mishmash, scramble my potpourri… I can even tangle my rat’s nest! Wait… my pillow does that every night. That’s what my comb is for.

But you know what? I’m too tired to mix up my miscellany tonight. My house is a hodgepodge, a farrago (another one I have to look up), a mess. It’s disarranged. Yeah, let’s go with that one. And my mind is all higgledy-piggledy, so I think I’ll just tumble off to bed and start all over again tomorrow.

Goodnight, all!

***

For more humorous reading, please check out my A to Z Challenge-inspired novelette “All Good Stories.” It’s a romantic comedy about two best friends who belong together – Xavier knows it, but Jupiter has her eye on another guy: a shady character named Bob.

“A short funny tale of two friends” ~ Ritu, 4 stars, Amazon UK review

“Quirky and charming.” ~ Bobby Underwood, #11 top reviewers on Goodreads – 5 stars

Click the picture to find it on Kindle, or get it on Kobo here: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/all-good-stories


12 Comments

Idiotic – #AtoZChallenge

I’m beginning to think my cretinous thesaurus is out to get me – I really don’t want to talk about politics, but where else are there idiots? 😉

Whether or not my thesaurus hates me this year, it sure is challenging me. So what can I say that’s idiotic? I’m sure I can come up with something. We all do idiotic things once in a while. I locked myself in my car the other day. Not that it was difficult to get out, but I set the alarm off, causing everyone in the parking lot to turn around to see who was breaking into a car. No one, as it turned out. I was breaking out. It was the second time it’s happened to me. I may have already blogged about the first… That would be a birdbrained thing to do, wouldn’t it?

I’m more likely to do stupid things when I’m tired. Trying to take shortcuts in the kitchen is a classic example of when I’m prone to breaking or spilling things. Walking into rooms and having no idea why – that’s pretty daft.

But being an idiot isn’t all bad. I often act like an idiot with my kids, dancing with them in public and just being generally loony. That they’re embarrassed to be seen with me is their problem…

***

It’s nutty, a bit sappy, it’s definitely funny, and it’s only 99¢! Check out my A to Z Challenge-inspired novelette “All Good Stories.” It’s a romantic comedy about two best friends who belong together – Xavier knows it, but Jupiter has her eye on another guy: a shady character named Bob.

“A short funny tale of two friends” ~ Ritu, 4 stars, Amazon UK review

“Quirky and charming.” ~ Bobby Underwood, #11 top reviewers on Goodreads – 5 stars

Click the picture to find it on Kindle, or get it on Kobo here: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/all-good-stories


25 Comments

Fen – #AtoZChallenge

I refuse to be bogged down by semantics.

I opened my thesaurus to find my random word of the day, and lo and behold, I’ve learned something new! A “fen” is, apparently, a “bog, marsh, morass, muskeg quagmire, slough, swamp.” And I can’t for the life of me figure out why I would want to call any of those things a “fen.” Or at least I couldn’t, until I looked up the definition. According to Google, a fen is not only characterized as marshy land that’s frequently flooded and has an “alkaline, neutral, or only slightly acid peaty soil,” but it’s also a particular area, described as, “flat low-lying areas of eastern England, formerly marshland but largely drained for agriculture since the 17th century,” known as the Fens.

Giggidy, as Quagmire would say.

***

Wanna read a fen-tastic book? Check out my A to Z Challenge-inspired novelette “All Good Stories.” It’s a romantic comedy about two best friends who belong together – Xavier knows it, but Jupiter has her eye on another guy: a shady character named Bob.

“A short funny tale of two friends” ~ Ritu, 4 stars, Amazon UK review

“Quirky and charming.” ~ Bobby Underwood, #11 top reviewers on Goodreads – 5 stars

Click the picture to find it on Kindle, or get it on Kobo here: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/all-good-stories


18 Comments

Emissary – #AtoZChallenge

My mission today is to stay away from politics.

My thesaurus was bound to give me at least one difficult word to deal with. The definition of “emissary,” according to Google, is “a person sent on a special mission, usually as a diplomatic representative.” This screams of politics of course, and I really don’t want to talk about politics.

Let’s see what I can pull out of the synonyms to talk about instead: “agent,” “messenger,” oooh “spy,” and  what’s this? “Plenipotentiary” – what’s one of those? Damn. “A person, especially a diplomat, invested with the full power of independent action on behalf of their government, typically in a foreign country.” Okay, so all those are out.

You know what I want an emissary to be? Me. I want to go on a mission to guide you, as a narrator, through my stories. I want to be the messenger for my characters. I want to be their representative. And in a way, that’s what an author is. The agent who relates the tale. The spy who knows all the players’ deepest, darkest secrets.

So there you have it. I hereby rename authors as emissaries. This is my plenipotentiary decree!

Yeah, I’m full of shit.

***

Allow me to take you on a guided tour through the lives of my characters. It doesn’t cost much – only 99¢! Check out my A to Z Challenge-inspired novelette “All Good Stories.” It’s a romantic comedy about two best friends who belong together – Xavier knows it, but Jupiter has her eye on another guy: a shady character named Bob.

“A short funny tale of two friends” ~ Ritu, 4 stars, Amazon UK review

“Quirky and charming.” ~ Bobby Underwood, #11 top reviewers on Goodreads – 5 stars

Click the picture to find it on Kindle, or get it on Kobo here: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/all-good-stories

 


31 Comments

Diversion – #AtoZChallenge

May I divert your attention here for a moment?

The first thing that springs to mind when I see the word “diversion” is magic. Which isn’t surprising, since I’ve been writing and editing a novel (or three) about a magician called “The Great Dagmaru” for the past five and a half years. Making someone look the other way is an art, whether it’s in order to perform a trick behind their back or whether it’s to cause them to pay more attention to you.

Yet some might say it’s easier now to create a diversion: our attention spans are shortening with so much going on around us and in our own living rooms, on our screens where everything is the next biggest or cutest spectacle.  For as far as entertainment goes, it seems to me that those of us who still read novels are the last holdouts of the ability to concentrate. And still, so many books, so little time. A novel must capture the reader’s attention in the space of a few sentences or it will be passed over. And authors wonder why the blurb is so much harder to write than the book itself.

Oh look! It’s a chipmunk.

But I digress.

All this talk about diversions and how they entertain has led me to seek the difference between a diversion and a distraction. According to my trusty thesaurus, it seems diversions are happy things and distractions are less-than-desirable things. Somewhat. The synonyms for distraction range from “delirium” to “relief.”

One way or another, diversions and distractions add up to procrastination.

***

Looking for a fun diversion? Look no further. Please check out my A to Z Challenge-inspired novelette “All Good Stories.” It’s a romantic comedy about two best friends who belong together – Xavier knows it, but Jupiter has her eye on another guy: a shady character named Bob.

“Delightful, Light-hearted tale with great twists!” ~ Lori Carleson, 5 stars, Amazon review

“Quirky and charming.” ~ Bobby Underwood, #11 top reviewers on Goodreads – 5 stars

Click the picture to find it on Kindle, or get it on Kobo here: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/all-good-stories

 


52 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Elvis has left the … ladies’ restroom?

Possibly the funniest thing about this picture is the looks I got when I came out of the bathroom stall: I couldn’t turn the shutter sound off on my phone camera.

Care to attempt a caption… or five?

PLEASE click the picture to read the note on the sign.

_____________________________________________________________________________

If you would like to participate, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do,
you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com

#1linerWeds badge by nearlywes.com


23 Comments

Chide – #AtoZChallenge

I’d have to give myself what for, if I didn’t write my A to Z blog post today.

“Chide” is my thesaurus word for this third day of the A to Z Challenge. It’s a word I know but that I don’t think I’ve ever actually used out loud. When I’m reprimanding someone (usually my kids – who else am I going to chew out?), I’m more likely to use the term “telling off.” But according to my trusty old synonym-finder, “chide” has a bunch of different meanings I’d never put in the same category. It can also mean “blame” and “criticize.”

When I blame someone for something I don’t necessarily scold them, and when I criticize someone it doesn’t mean I berate them. So it seems “chide” is a bit of an all-purpose word for anything we don’t like.

“Admit it. It was you who took my bone,” Winston chided.

Okay. I guess that works.

***

If you’re stopping by my blog for the first time or you haven’t picked it up yet, please check out my A to Z Challenge-inspired novelette “All Good Stories.” It’s a romantic comedy about two best friends who belong together – Xavier knows it, but Jupiter has her eye on another guy: a shady character named Bob.

“Delightful, Light-hearted tale with great twists!” ~ Lori Carleson, 5 stars, Amazon review

“Quirky and charming.” ~ Bobby Underwood, #11 top reviewers on Goodreads – 5 stars

Click the picture to find it on Kindle, or get it on Kobo here: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/all-good-stories