Life in progress

Tag Archives: humour


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#SoCS & #JusJoJan 25/20 – Annoying Calls

I think the last phone call I got from someone who wasn’t my mother needing cigarettes–she’s the only person I know who calls me–was about plumbing protection. For my house. It’s the same company who I pay a monthly protection fee for my boiler. (Wow, that sounds like they’re going to come over and break it if I don’t pay them, doesn’t it?) They’re trying to convince me that I might need a plumber one day and if I do, I’ll have to pay them. (The plumber, that is.)

I keep telling them no, I don’t want plumbing protection, but I swear they’ve called to ask about fifteen times. Don’t they have memos? Get the frickin’ memo, already!

There’s another place that kept calling me that I finally had to block. As someone who runs a newsletter, I’ve learned that it’s important to make sure there’s a way to opt out of marketing. To unsubscribe.

I gave my phone number to a shop–Northern Reflections, a clothing store in the local mall–when I bought a pair of pants for my mother for Christmas a couple of years ago. Since then and up until last week when I finally blocked their asses, I’ve received a recorded message from them at least once a week and as many times as once a day. There is NO WAY TO STOP THEM! I’ve listened to their whole message, I’ve tried to contact the company, no luck. So finally I yelled at their recording: SHUT UP, TAMMY! and stopped them from calling once and for all.

Ugh.

How did this turn into a rant?

Anyway, the store has nice old-lady clothes (and probably young-lady clothes too, but I’ve never gone in there for those), so I’ll probably shop there again. But if they ask me for my phone number again, maybe I’ll lie.

Sorry, person whose number I make up.

Yeah, I probably won’t. I wouldn’t want to subject anyone else to the machinations of Tammy from Northern Reflections.

This is why GDPR was invented.

 

2019-2020 SoCS Badge by Shelley! https://www.quaintrevival.com/

This ranty post (SHUT UP, TAMMY!) is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday, and

 

Just Jot it January! Click the following link and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2020/01/24/the-friday-reminder-for-socs-jusjojan-2020-daily-prompt-jan-25th/

“…so engrossed in reading it almost missed getting off at my station on journey to work…” ~ Angela, Amazon reviewer

Less than a week left! Get it for 99 cents until January 31st.  → Click here


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#JusJoJan 24/20 – Change

I’ll start by saying thank you to Wendy for our prompt word of the day, “change.” Thanks, Wendy! You can find Wendy’s Just Jot it January post here. Go visit her and say hi, and give her a follow!

They say the only thing in the world we can be certain of is change.

And yet I never seem to have any in my wallet anymore.

What’s up with that?

It sucks, actually, when you want change for something–to get on a bus, to throw into a tip jar, or worst of all, when you need a quarter to get a shopping cart.

Do you get those where you live? Shopping carts that are chained together and the only way you can get just one is to put a quarter in a slot to release the chain?

They suck.

Seriously, I’m not going to steal your cart, nor am I going to fail to put it away.

A few times I’ve been so completely out of cash that I’ve had to use one of those hand-held baskets for way too much food. If I’m really desperate and I really need a lot of groceries, I’ll put the food into my reusable bags. But then I walk around the store feeling guilty, like everyone must think I’m trying to steal food.

Which I’m not, of course. I just don’t have a quarter to put into your damned cart, Mr. Grocery Man!

Still, I always make a big show of turning my bag upside down at the checkout and shaking it to prove there’s nothing in it.

Ah, the joys of the convenience of debit and credit cards.

P.S. I have heat! Still waiting for a part to come in, but we’re good for now.  And I only got one repair man this time!

 

This NOT GUILTY post is brought to you by Just Jot it January! Click the following link and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2020/01/24/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-24th-2020/

“…so engrossed in reading it almost missed getting off at my station on journey to work…” ~ Angela, Amazon reviewer

On sale for the rest of my birthday month! Get it for 99 cents until January 31st!  → Click here


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#JusJoJan 23/20 – Driven

First off, I’d like to say thank you to Janet for our prompt word of the day, “drive.” Thanks, Janet! You can find Janet’s Just Jot it January post here. Go visit her and say hi, and give her a follow!

Since I’m the only driver in the house, you might say I’m the least driven in my family.

But that’s not true.

Because I am driven in the other sense of the word.

Driven to succeed in both of my careers, driven to learn, driven to do lots of things.

I’m in the driver’s seat of my own life, and yet I’m driven …

How does that make sense?

One thing I am driven to do, to save my own sanity, is put Alex on a school bus in the morning and send him to school. I’m pretty sure he’s ready.

In other news, my boiler conked out again, so we have no heat. Which really sucks. But I borrowed some electric space heaters from my best friend, John (happy birthday, John!), so we’re not freezing to death tonight.

The guy’s supposed to come in the morning to fix it. I wonder how many guys we’ll end up with tomorrow. I’ll report back.

Ah, it’s all enough to drive me to drink sometimes.

 

This confusing post is brought to you by Just Jot it January! Click the following link and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2020/01/23/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-23rd-2020/

“…so engrossed in reading it almost missed getting off at my station on journey to work…” ~ Angela, Amazon reviewer

On sale for the rest of my birthday month! Get it for 99 cents until January 31st!  → Click here


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#JusJoJan 21/20 – The Scraggle

I’ll begin my post as always by saying thank you to our guest prompter for the day. Thank you Cheryl, for the word, “scraggly”! You can find Cheryl’s Just Jot it January post here. Go visit her and say hi, and give her a follow!

I spend most of my days a scraggly mess.

I remember going out to work,

Back when I didn’t have kids, but I did have shoes.

Back when I fit into clothes that looked like I hadn’t slept in them

… even when I had

because I could do that–I didn’t have kids.

But I did have a life.

Stockings. Remember stockings?

I do, barely. I remember I hated putting them on, and I hated the ones that always seemed to ride low in the crotch,

like you could never pull them up far enough

because if you did

you’d have to wear them over your bra.

*sigh*

The good old days.

Never scraggly,

no one to worry about but myself.

 

This reminiscent post is brought to you by Just Jot it January! Click the following link and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2020/01/21/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-21st-2020/

“…so engrossed in reading it almost missed getting off at my station on journey to work…” ~ Angela, Amazon reviewer

On sale for the rest of my birthday month! Get it for 99 cents until January 31st!  → Click here


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#JusJoJan 20/20 – The Best Medicine

I’d like to start by saying thank you to Sadje for her prompt word, “humor.” Thank you, Sadje! You can find her Just Jot it January post here. Go visit her and say hi, and give her a follow!

It’s true that sometimes laughter can be the best medicine. I use humor a lot to relieve the tension that goes with parenting, and that includes times like now when I have a sick one home from school.

Yep, Alex’s is truly sick with a cold. Still begging to go to the hospital, but I managed to avoid it again today.

Half of my problem is the language barrier. If he spoke English, I might be able to effectively explain to him that there’s nothing the hospital can or will do for the virus he has, and the likelihood of him getting even sicker just by going there makes the trip worthless. Worse than worthless, possibly deadly.

But, of course, I can’t say that either. Because without the nuance of language, he might assume that if he goes to the hospital, he’ll die, and then I’ll have the opposite problem I have now.

I’ll have to drag him there, kicking and screaming when he really needs to go.

I used to be able to scare him a little out of wanting to visit the emergency department by telling him he might have to get an IV. He hates needles, so that worked.

Until he turned 18 and discovered the nurses and all the attention was worth the pain. Now he’s begging me for an IV right along with everything else involved.

You know, sometimes I laugh just because it’s better than crying.

And you know what else? Sometimes that’s the best laughter of all.

Where would we be without humor, eh?

Sick, I tell you. SICK!

 

This healthy post is brought to you by Just Jot it January! Click the following link and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2020/01/20/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-20th-2020/

Love quickens beneath the moonlight …

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#JusJoJan 3/20 – Nosehair is a Cannibal

“Poke” is the word of the day today. I had no idea what I was going to write for the prompt until I went out for a walk with Alex earlier. The answer to my conundrum was Nosehair.

If you’ve been around for forever, you might remember a tree I dubbed “Nosehair” for the branch it had growing out of its face. Yes, the tree has a face. I’m sure the only person who won’t be able to see it is Guy Thair.

Nosehair had a few posts dedicated to him–here’s one, and here’s another. You should check them out. They’re quite amusing if I do say so myself.

Today, though, getting back to my post, I found that someone had poked Nosehair with stick, sticking it in his mouth.

Do you see the face? He’s facing to the right, with a Roman nose and a dark spot for a mouth below.

You really have to zoom in to see the stick in his mouth (close to the blue car) in the picture above, but here’s a closeup:

Does this mean Nosehair is eating himself? Has he been turned into some sort of Ouroboros?

Something to ponder …

This slightly totally crazy post is brought to you by Just Jot it January! Click the following link and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2020/01/03/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-3rd-2020/


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#SoCS – Kringle Ingle

What day is it today? Okay, technically it’s Sunday where I am. But all day Saturday I was confused. Of course, having a kid home on a Friday because there’s no school will do that to a parent.

It’s almost time for Kris Kringle, as a matter of fact.

Kris Kringle to leave footprints on my shingles.

And slip down the chimney into my ingle. (Which I just found out is a fire in a fire place.)

Ouch.

Sing it with me …

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire …

Maybe that’s why his suit is red.

To symbolize the many times he’s been set alight.

Kringle crackling on an open fire …

That works.

Poor guy.

Speaking of Christmas, I think I’ve got almost all my shopping done. Already! I’m early this year. Normally I’m closing the stores at 5pm on Christmas Eve.

I had a salted caramel mocha at Starbucks today. Only they didn’t have the salt. So it was just a caramel mocha. Very disappointing. Especially since I had to practically mortgage my house to buy it.

I could say that it just didn’t make me tingle …

Ugh. That was a stretch.

What I will say in closing is I’ll have a Christmas present for you all soon. If you like paranormal romance, that is …

😉

2019-2020 SoCS Badge by Shelley! https://www.quaintrevival.com/

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday! Click the following link to find all the other awesome posts in the comments and see how you, too, can join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/12/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-21-19/


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#SoCS – The Key

I’ve finally figured out that the key to getting stuff done is being organized. Who knew?

All week I’ve been trying to organize my time into blocks–from this point to then, I do that. From then to then, I do this. And so on. And I’ve actually been productive!

I call it the productivity key.

Yes, I just came up with that.

So now that I have my productivity key, what do I need next?

Oh yes, my endless riches key.

Somehow I think that one might take a bit more work. But hey, productivity is probably the first step. Right?

But what would I do with endless riches? End world hunger for a start. Then maybe get a haircut. I haven’t had one of those in four years. Because it’s been, like, really? What’s the point? It only grows back. And it’s not like anyone ever sees me.

I really need a key to getting out of the house.

Which is weird, because most people want a key to get into the house.

But I think a key to getting out is almost as important.

Of course you want to get in … especially when it’s raining or snowing. But getting out? That can be priceless.

I went Christmas shopping with Alex today. He’s decided he’s not afraid of Santa anymore, so this is the first time he’s been in a mall at the same time as Santa. And it was great!

My point (read: where I was going with this) is that I actually got to do some people watching today, and I realized it’s been a REALLY long time since I did that. I forgot what people looked like!

Okay, not really. But it was like a refresher course in society living. There’s not much society in my house.

Just family.

And family’s not really society.

Are they?

So the key to society?

Running away from home.

Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Productivity, endless riches, and running away from home.

Not necessarily in that order.

2019-2020 SoCS Badge by Shelley! https://www.quaintrevival.com/

This escape-artist post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to find all the other posts in the comments and join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/12/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-7-19/


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#SoCS – Shade

I don’t really understand the term “throwing shade.” It’s supposed to mean “insulting someone,” but wouldn’t it depend on the weather? I think it might be a good thing to throw someone shade on a hot day.

“Hey, throw me some shade, would ya?”

“You’re an asshole!”

“Thanks!”

Can you tell I’m tired?

I finished NaNoWriMo today with a win.

See?


And to celebrate, I bought myself a NaNo mug. Obviously I don’t have it yet. I’ll take a picture when I get it.

The original plan was to write two 30K novellas and finish NaNo with 60K. The first novella didn’t make it … I finished the story with 19,995 words. To make it even, I wrote “THIS IS DEFINITELY THE END” at the end. So I still had 30K left for the second novella. Only THAT ended at 26,223. So I started another novel.

Now I have to finish that. Does it ever end? I hope not. I like this gig. It’s a fun gig.

I hope to get caught up on all the comments I’ve been neglecting this last little while. Sorry–I’ve been reading all your comments, I just haven’t replied to them.

And tomorrow I’ll be back with a couple of posts. The coloring prompt and one more.

Stay tuned!

2019-2020 SoCS Badge by Shelley! https://www.quaintrevival.com/

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to find all the other posts in the comments, and see how you, too, can join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/11/29/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-30-19/


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#SoCS – Dreaming Through

It’s been a tiring year, 2019 has. Aside from the fact that I had so many great plans that got knocked to the ground, partially because I’ve been tired, I’ve slept in a lot this year. More than any other year, I think.

I used to be able to wake up to the music on my phone. It was a nice way to wake up. To a song I liked. But then, because I was tired, I started not only sleeping through my alarm, I’d dream that I was at a concert, watching the song played live.

That wouldn’t do–I had to keep driving Alex to school because I wasn’t getting up in time to feed him (before 5am) so he could catch the bus. So I added an alarm. One with a tune I didn’t like. One that came with the phone.

For a while that worked, until my tired brain figured out how to turn off the alarm I didn’t like and leave the song on.

Fine.

I added an even more obnoxious tune. That got me up.

But then I figured, okay, I can sleep while Alex is feeding (he’s tube-fed), and just set another alarm to get me up when his feed’s finished so I can get him off to school.

Except guess what I did?

Yep, I chose another song.

And started dreaming through it.

FINE, then.

I switched that for another obnoxious noise to get me out of bed before the bus comes.

Which worked …

For a while.

Last week I slept through that a total of THREE mornings. Out of FOUR! Monday was a holiday!

I think I just need for it to be 2020 already.

Surely I won’t be as tired.

Right?

2019-2020 SoCS Badge by Shelley! https://www.quaintrevival.com/

This dreamy post was brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to find all the other dreamy posts in the comments, and see how you, too, can join in! It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/11/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-16-19/