Life in progress


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EDDD 5: They Should Have a Word For That

There should be a word specifically for the feeling you get when you say something you shouldn’t have.

It happens to everyone, I’m sure. It’s the verbal vomit that comes out of your mouth in what we delicately label a faux pas.

It’s the facebook post that you realize was something that should have been kept a secret, or the mass email you thought you’d sent to only your best friend and closest confidant, just to discover your kids’ teacher is now aware that you have a yeast infection.

For things like this, the word “regret” doesn’t quite cut it. It’s that disconnect that separates good intention from devastating action.

Even the witty comment you think of half an hour after the fact, which is far less embarrassing but easily as annoying.

Communication impediment is too bulky. Linguistically challenged comes to mind… How about “linge”?

We could say, “Excuse me, I linged,” when we ask an acquaintance how her husband is, only to find out she just went through an ugly divorce. Or, “Damnit, I could have said ‘Duck!’ when the ball came flying through the air behind that guy, rather than ‘Watch out!’ making him turn and get it in the face instead. What a linge!”

Yeah, “linge.” It’s gonna be big.

Blog post of December 5th, in honour of Every Damn Day December. Check it out! It’s not too late to join in!


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Adventures on my Paper Route – Danger!

So I was walking across the main road that’s on my paper route when I passed over this for the first time:

danger

There I was, standing in the middle of the road, wondering why they would print the word “Danger” on a manhole cover. It’s in the middle of the road! Cars drive over it all the time! So I took this picture.

Luckily, I got out of the way before a car came.

Blog post of December 2nd, in honour of Every Damn Day December. Check it out! It’s not too late to join in!


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Slapstick

Warning: The following my cause you to spit coffee out of your nose. Please read with caution.

Do you ever have so many things go wrong at once that you wonder if you’re on a sitcom and nobody told you? I had one of those moments at 6:30 this morning – far too early to start wondering who started the cameras rolling.

So there I was, standing at the counter in my kitchen, painstakingly crushing my son’s chewable vitamin with the blunt end of a knife as I do every morning. He won’t chew it – I have to stir it into his yogurt.

Anyway, there I was with this fine fine powder on the counter when my cellphone alarm went off in my pocket. I reached for the phone and pulled the crushed pill off the counter – all over the floor.

So I go to the broom closet, take out the broom and drop the dustpan. Bend down to pick up the dustpan, the mop falls and hits me on the head. Stuff the mop back in the broom closet, go back to the kitchen. Sweep up the mess, almost knock an opened bottle of wine on the floor with the broom handle.

Yes, there was a stopper in the bottle; no, I don’t drink wine at 6:30am, though I’m not sure why not.

All this happened in the space of about ninety seconds. One of those mornings when I just wanted to go back to bed and start again, you know?


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Writerly Procrastinations

In all honesty, I have to say I don’t believe Candy Crush Saga is a procrastination tool. It’s a way for me to escape my story for a few minutes and do something mindless that allows my imagination to wander.

When I’m not hungry but I get up to get myself something to eat anyway, that’s procrastination. Candy Crush Saga keeps me in my chair.

When I check my WordPress stats or my email, that’s procrastination. Candy Crush Saga takes far less time than that, especially if I have comments on my blog.

When I post a new blog to ask other people what they do to procrastinate, that’s procrastination.

So, how do you procrastinate?

Oh look, I have a new life on Candy Crush Saga! Gotta go.

 


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Getting views is like pulling teeth

Has anyone else noticed that their view count has gone down? I’m blaming it on the new pop-up window in the reader that allows people to read a post without going to the site.

While this new feature is sometimes handy, it discourages other WordPress users from clicking on the actual post. When they don’t look at the post, they don’t see our site, and when they don’t go to our site, they don’t see what else is on our site.

Just think about it this way:  One of the people you follow may have found the cure for the clap yesterday, but if you only read about how his or her cat looked cute rifling through the cantankerous neighbours trash bin today, you’ll never know! That’s valuable information there you’ve missed out on!

So tell me, is it just me? Or has your view count gone down too?


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NaNo Nono

Do you ever have one of those days when you want to write – you really do – but everything that comes out of you is sheer crap? I’m having one of those today.

On a happier note, I handed in what I consider another eight pages of utter drivel for my short story course today. Well, okay, maybe it’s not that bad. I hope it’s not. But I wasn’t allowed to polish it since it had to be a rough draft, so I certainly wasn’t happy with it.

It’ll at least be interesting to see if my professor sees the same things wrong with it as I do.

So unless I get a reprieve from this creative brain fart I’m having today, my NaNo wordcount is going to pot. I am so due for a weekend off – it’s been five weeks.

Maybe after 48 hours of solid sleep this weekend I’ll be back into the swing of things. Back in the saddle.

Back to being creative enough not to keep falling back on proverbs.

Or maybe I’ll feel better after a good night’s rest tonight. After all, tomorrow is another day.


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Eavesdropping Fun

So yesterday I was sitting in an unnamed coffee shop

080729_tim_hortons_3202

with my friend John, and we were chatting over lunch. A couple of twentysomethings sat at the table next to us and proceeded to scratch their lottery tickets.

When John and I got up to leave, he commented that he needed his jacket cleaned soon – he works in the automotive-type industry and it is covered in grease. The man at the next table said, simply, “Baby shampoo.” We both looked at him and he explained: “You can get grease off clothes with baby shampoo. Oh and it costs $300 to ship a car from Vancouver to Toronto by train.” The latter was something John and I had been discussing earlier on in the conversation. We both thanked him for the information, like the polite Canadians we are, and left.

Since then I have thought about all the things we could have been talking about, and one conversation I had years ago with my ex sticks out in my memory.

Being a writer, sometimes I talk about my characters as though they’re real people. Just imagine what the eavesdropping couple would have made of this:

Me: So it turns out Helen is fooling around on Frank.

John: That bitch!

Me: I know, right? But I don’t want him to find out.

John: Because…

Me: Well, you know. He’s in jail. There’s just so much a guy can take.

John: True.

Me: So I’ve decided to kill her.

John: Huh. How?

Me: I can’t decide. I was hoping you’d help.

John: I’ll do what I can.

Me: I mean, I’ve thought about drowning her in the bathtub.

John: That’s a good one.

Me: Or I could just drop the hairdryer in with her.

John: And fry her…

Me: I don’t know though. It seems too convenient.

John: How about killing her in a car accident?

Me: She doesn’t drive, so that would mean killing someone else as well.

John: How about Martha!

Me: YES! Great idea.

You’ve got to wonder if the couple at the next table would have been quite as ready to make suggestions…


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Does it count?

I wrote a 2,100 word short story and a blog post today. Can I count that on NaNo? Coz I didn’t get a word written today otherwise. 😛

Look at the picture!

MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

*runs away*


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NaNoWriMo Challenge

“Write what you know.” It’s one of those things we’re told to do, along with “show, don’t tell,” and a bunch of other guidelines we’re given as writers, that will apparently give us the tools we need to make us better writers and bring home our first million. It’s the “write what you know” thing I want to focus on today though, and I’ll tell you why.

I almost got hit by a bus today.

Don’t panic, I’m okay, but it was a close call. I’m talking inches. Millimeters even. It got me to thinking about my NaNo project, as does everything in my life – when I decide to write a novel, I live and breathe it, almost literally. Having something as dramatic as a real-life near-death experience happen to me (okay, okay, the mirror of a bus moving half a mile an hour nearly clipped my ear as I walked along the edge of a sidewalk) being worth mentioning, could happen to one of my characters, right? You can bet it will.

So back to writing what you know. I don’t think they really mean it in the strict sense of writing what you do for a living outside of writing, for instance. Or even writing about characters who write, though many writers do (I’m looking at you, Stephen King). If we did that, everything we wrote would be autobiographical. And what would the fantasy writers do? I’m thinking an elf accountant would be rather boring.

I think writing what you know can be taken in a more broad sense of feelings, emotions, and yes, little experiences like almost getting hit by a small, slow-moving school bus that’s coming to a stop beside the curb.

So my challenge, for all my fellow NaNoers who are reading this, is simple. Write into your story the next time you write, about something you’ve experienced in the last week. If your characters are in space it can be a sensation, or a sentence you remember hearing or saying.

And if you’re writing an autobiography – oh what the hell. Lie! I dare you!

P.S. Let me know how it goes!


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9/16 – Yesterday’s News – Property Damage

I had a hard time coming up with anything inspirational in yesterday’s paper, until I decided to put my dubious organizational skills to use. A headline which reads, “Have you planned for illness?”, mashed together in my little brain with a picture I took the other day, gave me the following idea:

What do you do when part of a tree collides with your house?

Property damage

Are you a natural born handyman/handywoman?

Handyman

…handyspider?

Owning a home is great, but the number of things that can go wrong is spectacular. If you’re like me (single and totally inept when it comes to anything more complicated than taking out the garbage) then you have to pay someone to fix anything that goes wrong. And when the boiler starts to leak all over your basement floor? (Hint: the water is supposed to stay inside the system.) You spend the next six years paying for a new one, like I am.

Easy to squash or not, there’s something to be said for being a squatter, like my little eight-legged architect/do-it-yourselfer.