Life in progress


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57. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, October 27th, 5:00pm
Moe and Curly

 

Moe: And that’s when you fell off the ladder?

Curly: Right.

Moe: I told you you need to leeean the ladder at a better angle.

Curly: (shakes head) I know.

Moe: You need more of an inclination.

Curly: I know.

Moe: That’s what you get for having less than a degree.

Curly slaps Moe upside the head.

 

Next stop: Saturday, October 28th, 8:00pm

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Slapstick

Warning: The following my cause you to spit coffee out of your nose. Please read with caution.

Do you ever have so many things go wrong at once that you wonder if you’re on a sitcom and nobody told you? I had one of those moments at 6:30 this morning – far too early to start wondering who started the cameras rolling.

So there I was, standing at the counter in my kitchen, painstakingly crushing my son’s chewable vitamin with the blunt end of a knife as I do every morning. He won’t chew it – I have to stir it into his yogurt.

Anyway, there I was with this fine fine powder on the counter when my cellphone alarm went off in my pocket. I reached for the phone and pulled the crushed pill off the counter – all over the floor.

So I go to the broom closet, take out the broom and drop the dustpan. Bend down to pick up the dustpan, the mop falls and hits me on the head. Stuff the mop back in the broom closet, go back to the kitchen. Sweep up the mess, almost knock an opened bottle of wine on the floor with the broom handle.

Yes, there was a stopper in the bottle; no, I don’t drink wine at 6:30am, though I’m not sure why not.

All this happened in the space of about ninety seconds. One of those mornings when I just wanted to go back to bed and start again, you know?