Life in progress


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230. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Wednesday, April 18th, 8:00pm
Mr. Splindle and Edward

 

Mr. Splindle: So what were you doing before, Edward?

Edward: I worked for a man … er … I was an apprentice of sorts.

Mr. Splindle: That idea died, did it?

Edward: It dyed the wrong colour completely.

Mr. Splindle: And what do you like to do for fun?

Edward: Do you mean what are my hobbies?

Mr. Splindle: No! No, not at all. This isn’t an interview, son! It’s what you might call a recruitment! No, I just want to know what sorts of things might be distracting you from our little venture.

Edward: Well, I like to look at girls.

Mr. Splindle: So you like pussy, eh son? A man after my own heart.

Edward: (frowning) That’s not what I said.

Mr. Splindle: What are you talking about then, lad?

Edward: I like to look at girls, not cats.

Mr. Splindle regards him for a moment.

Edward: And I don’t like dogs.

Mr. Splindle: (pats him on the knee and smiles) Son, the cats we’re going to see tonight’ll have you howling like a dog at the moon.

 

Next stop: Thursday, April 19th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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132. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Wednesday, January 10th, 8:00pm
Justin and Mr. Splindle

 

Mr Splindle: So what’s the damage?

Justin: I beg your pardon?

Mr. Splindle: How much did you get out of the old lady last night?

Justin: A couple thou.

Mr. Splindle: That’s my boy! You’re gonna go far.

Justin: I’m not so sure about this deal …

Mr. Splindle: No! You’ve done good! All you need is a little confidence in yourself. Tell you what. We’ll head out to the peeler bars tonight, get you good and happy, and then tomorrow you can start off fresh. What do you say?

Justin stares quietly.

Mr. Splindle: There’s a lot of money in it for you, son.

Justin: But … It’s dishonest.

Mr. Splindle: (regarding him with a frown) Think of it this way. What you did last night was no more dishonest than what that woman is doing to our poor government. She’s no more disabled than you or I.

Justin: But she did seem a little …

Mr. Splindle: A little what? Gimpy? All an act! (laughs) You’ve got to learn when someone’s having you on, my boy. But I’ll teach you. Yes, my son, you’ve got a lot to learn.

Justin: Mr. Splindle?

Mr. Splindle: Yes lad?

Justin: I’m not your son.

Mr. Splindle: (chuckles) It’s an affectation, my boy. Besides, at the rate you’re going it’s only a matter of time before we’re just like family. Don’t you think? Now let’s go get ourselves some ass!

 

Next stop: Thursday, January 11th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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54. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Tuesday, October 24th, 9:00pm
Mr. Splindle and Horace

 

Mr. Splindle: It’s not really cheating.

Horace: Of-of c-c-course not, M-Mr. Sssssplindle

Mr. Splindle: We’re just going to have a nice quiet roast beef dinner and a few beers.

Horace: R-r-r-right.

Mr. Splindle: But you know, we don’t need to tell anyone about this at work.

Horace: Oh n-no! M-Mr. Splindle! And we w-won’t t-t-tell your w-w-w-wife either!

Mr. Splindle: Very good, Horace.

Horace: M-Mr. Sssplindle?

Mr. Splindle: Yes, Horace?

Horace: W-why did you w-w-want me to c-come with you?

Mr. Splindle: Why Horace, I asked you to come with me because you need to get out. To live a little! Have you ever been to a strip joint before?

Horace: N-no.

Mr. Splindle: Exactly. And you’ll have to get used to it, because when you become my assistant in this new enterprise, you’ll accompany me, with our clients, to peeler bars all across the county.

Horace: And w-we don’t t-t-t-t-tell anyo-one at work about this other e-enterp-prise either, r-r-r-right?

Mr. Splindle: That’s right, Horace. The only one we talk about that with is Hank.

Horace: M-Mr. Ssssplindle?

Mr. Splindle: (sighs) Yes, Horace?

Horace: About my w-w-wife. P-please don’t t-t-t-t-t-tell her, s-sir. Sh-she’d be awfully m-mad if sh-she f-f-f-f-f…

Mr. Splindle: … found out that you went to see strippers?

Horace: (nods) Mmhmm…

Mr. Splindle: (pats Horace’s knee) I understand completely. Most women are delicate flowers, Horace. We must protect them as best we can.

Horace: R-r-r…

Mr. Splindle: But you know there are some women who are more like weeds. They live between the cracks of society and deserve none of our esteem. They are the sort we are going to see tonight, Horace. Weeds. Objects just looking for men like us to pollinate them. (rubs hands together) Tonight I’d like to go pollinate a few of those weeds.

Horace: M-M-M-Mr. Ssssssp-p-plinnndle?

Mr. Splindle: YES, Horace?

Horace: Go f-f-fuck yourself, sir.

Horace gets off the bus.

 

 

Next stop: Wednesday, October 25th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.