Linda G. Hill

Life in progress


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263. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, May 21st, 8:00pm
Lily (and Edward)

 

Lily sits at the window. Edward takes the seat beside her.

Lily: Oh, thank the Master you’re here.

Edward: What’s wrong?

Lily: I hooked up with this guy the other night, and he literally took a bite out of me. (lifts sleeve to show shoulder wound) Look.

Edward: (cringes) That’s nasty. I hope you bit him back.

Lily: Of course! But that doesn’t help this. (points to wound) And the worst part is I think I’ve got hair growing out of my ears now.

Edward: Do you think he’s a werewolf?

Lily: Holy Garlic, I hope not. What kind of monster would that make me?

Edward: Same kind as him if you bit him too. Let me look in your ears.

Lily brushes hair out of the way and tilts head.

Edward: Hmm …

Lily: What?

Edward: What colour is our ear wax supposed to be?

Lily: Vampires don’t have ear wax.

Edward: We don’t? (sticks finger in ear, pulls it out and studies it) You’re right. Well, the good news is I don’t see any hair.

Lily: The bad news?

Edward: I can see out the window through there.

Lily hits him, then doubles over in pain from shoulder wound.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, May 22nd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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256. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, May 14th, 8:00pm
Edward (and Lily)

 

Edward sits at the window. Lily takes the seat beside him.

Lily: How’s the new job going?

Edward: Oh hi. Yeah, it’s going. I’m still not sure if it’s the right position for me.

Lily: How’s that?

Edward: Well, you know. The Master was teaching me all kinds of things that could help me survive. How to get into a victim’s head and all that.

Lily: And your new boss?

Edward: I’m learning the same sort of stuff. But with this Master, the end result is more for him than me.

Lily: So you’re bringing your victims home to him or what?

Edward: Nah, I still get what I go for. And the whole plundering thing is good …

Lily: Wait. Plundering?

Edward: Mr. Splindle tells me to get the money, and then I can go ahead and plunder to my heart’s content.

Lily: And what does plundering look like?

Edward: (shrugs) You know. Plundering. Like, steal their booties.

Lily: Huh.

Edward: By the way, if you ever decide to have a baby, I have plenty of booties.

Lily: (stares for a moment) How have you survived this long?

Edward: (shrugs) I get by.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, May 15th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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250. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, May 8th, 6:00pm
Red (and Phil)

 

Red sits at the window. Phil takes the seat beside her: he is out of breath.

Red: Are you okay?

Phil: Yeah. I almost missed the damned bus. (does a double take) … I mean, the darned bus.

Red: I wish I had. I’m really starting to hate taking the bus. I used to have a car to go to my grandma’s house. But since it broke down, I’m having to deliver the goodies (holds up basket) by bus and by foot. Yesterday I almost got eaten!

Phil: (stares) You hate the bus too … Wait, did you say eaten?

Red: Yeah. A guy came out of the bushes and tried to bite my neck. He was wearing all this glittery stuff. Kept calling me Bell-something. I might not even be here if some crazy brunette hadn’t shown up and chased him away with a pointy stick.

Phil: That doesn’t sound very safe. What do you say to getting off the bus with me? I’m just going to get my car from the shop. I can drive you to your grandma’s house.

Red: (sighs in relief and grins widely) Oh, could you?

Phil: I’d drive you there every night …

Red takes his hand. They get off the bus together.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, May 9th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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236. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Tuesday, April 24th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Andrea)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: Hey, how are you?

Andrea: Oh, you know.

Drommen: Guy trouble?

Andrea: Yeah, well. Eddie, like, caught up with me the other day? Said he’s got a new job.

Drommen: Really?

Andrea: (nods) He gave me this, like, sob story about not having enough money to live on. He was trying to convince me to give him a loan.

Drommen: And you said no of course.

Andrea: (sighs) Yeah.

Drommen: Then why so fed up?

Andrea: Well, you know how I, like, pinned him to a tree a couple of weeks ago?

Drommen: (laughs) That was a good one.

Andrea: Turns out he lost his teeth. He talked me into getting him a new pair. Figured it was the least I could do.

Drommen: So fang-boy’s back in business then.

Andrea: Apparently he needed them for his new job, or some such bullshit.

Drommen: So he can suck the life out of everyone’s enjoyment in the workplace?

Andrea: Probably.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, April 25th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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233. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, April 21st, 9:00pm
Edward and Lily

 

Edward: It was awful!

Lily: There there. Who can I get rid of for you? Is it that new boss of yours?

Edward: No! I can’t believe he meant for it to happen. All those … women! And they were dancing with poles … Some of them were upside down!

Lily: So you want me to go there and get rid of the women for you?

Edward: (touches her hand) No. It’s too dangerous. Women are dangerous. Real human women that is. Not you.

Lily: Come home with me then, Edward darling. I’ll look after you.

Edward: You will?

Lily: For you? I’ll even open my best red.

Edward: You will?

Lily: Of course. I’ve had him chained up in my basement for months.

 

Next stop: Sunday, April 22nd, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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230. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Wednesday, April 18th, 8:00pm
Mr. Splindle and Edward

 

Mr. Splindle: So what were you doing before, Edward?

Edward: I worked for a man … er … I was an apprentice of sorts.

Mr. Splindle: That idea died, did it?

Edward: It dyed the wrong colour completely.

Mr. Splindle: And what do you like to do for fun?

Edward: Do you mean what are my hobbies?

Mr. Splindle: No! No, not at all. This isn’t an interview, son! It’s what you might call a recruitment! No, I just want to know what sorts of things might be distracting you from our little venture.

Edward: Well, I like to look at girls.

Mr. Splindle: So you like pussy, eh son? A man after my own heart.

Edward: (frowning) That’s not what I said.

Mr. Splindle: What are you talking about then, lad?

Edward: I like to look at girls, not cats.

Mr. Splindle regards him for a moment.

Edward: And I don’t like dogs.

Mr. Splindle: (pats him on the knee and smiles) Son, the cats we’re going to see tonight’ll have you howling like a dog at the moon.

 

Next stop: Thursday, April 19th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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215. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, April 3rd, 8:00am
Michael (and Joanna)

 

Michael sits at the window reading the newspaper. Joanna takes the seat beside him.

Michael: This is incredible.

Joanna: What is?

Michael: This. (shows her a picture in the newspaper) Did you hear about it?

Joanna: (grimaces) What the hell is that even a picture of?

Michael: (points) It’s a guy.

Joanna: In a tree? What, is he stuck?

Michael: Yeah. He was found hanging from a limb, and … Here, I’ll just read it: “On Sunday morning, an east-end resident called police when she heard loud shrieking noises coming from her back yard shortly after she let her dog out. Before the police arrived, she snapped a picture of a man hanging from her century old oak, pinned there by his collar by a short wooden stake. It wasn’t until police arrived, however, that she found the man’s biggest complaint wasn’t the hanging, but the fact that he had lost his plastic vampire fangs. The dog was later discovered wearing an extra-toothy grin.”

Joanna: (shakes head) Takes all kinds I guess.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, April 4th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.