Life in progress

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352. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, August 18th, 9:00pm
Edward (and Bella)

 

Edward sits at the window. Bella boards the bus.

Bella: (as she approaches) Oh God, you’re back already?

Edward: Just to show you something. Then I’m gone.

Bella: What is it?

Edward: Sit down and I’ll show you.

Bella sits beside him.

Edward: (pulls envelope out of his pocket) My ticket. I’m leaving tonight for Transylvania. To find my ancestors.

Bella: Your family came from … wait. You know you’re not actually a vampire. And even if you were, you’re not related to Vlad the Impaler.

Edward: (sighs) I am a vampire and I am descended from Vlad.

Bella laughs.

Edward: You don’t believe me.

Bella: Of course not.

Edward: Then how do you explain my escape from prison?

Bella: I don’t know – a friend who eats flies?

Edward: No! I turned into smoke.

Bella: Right. Okay then. Let me see you do it now.

Edward: I can’t. I … wouldn’t want to attract attention to you.

Bella: To me? (laughs again)

Edward: You hurt me to the quick, Bella. But never mind. I will go to Transylvania and return with riches, and then you’ll not be able to deny me.

Bella: Watch me.

Edward: You’ll see.

Bella: Right.

Edward: Now, if you’ll excuse me.

Bella waits.

Edward: I’d like to get off the bus now.

Bella: You’re not going to turn into a bat and fly out the window?

Edward: The windows don’t open.

Bella: (stands) Have a nice life, Edward.

Edward: I will Bella. When you’re finally in it for good.

Edward exits the bus.

 

Next stop: Sunday, August 19th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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261. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, May 19th, 8:00pm
Simon (and Lily)

 

Simon sits at the window. Lily takes the seat beside him.

Lily: Hey, good lookin’.

Simon: (smiles) Well, hello there.

Lily: Nice night to be out on the prowl.

Simon: It is, indeed.

Lily: Wanna go out for a bite?

Simon: Funny you should ask that. I was going to say I’d like to eat you. Whole.

Lily: (grins widely, showing a mouthful of fake fangs) Beauty.

 

Next stop: Sunday, May 20th, 11:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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250. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, May 8th, 6:00pm
Red (and Phil)

 

Red sits at the window. Phil takes the seat beside her: he is out of breath.

Red: Are you okay?

Phil: Yeah. I almost missed the damned bus. (does a double take) … I mean, the darned bus.

Red: I wish I had. I’m really starting to hate taking the bus. I used to have a car to go to my grandma’s house. But since it broke down, I’m having to deliver the goodies (holds up basket) by bus and by foot. Yesterday I almost got eaten!

Phil: (stares) You hate the bus too … Wait, did you say eaten?

Red: Yeah. A guy came out of the bushes and tried to bite my neck. He was wearing all this glittery stuff. Kept calling me Bell-something. I might not even be here if some crazy brunette hadn’t shown up and chased him away with a pointy stick.

Phil: That doesn’t sound very safe. What do you say to getting off the bus with me? I’m just going to get my car from the shop. I can drive you to your grandma’s house.

Red: (sighs in relief and grins widely) Oh, could you?

Phil: I’d drive you there every night …

Red takes his hand. They get off the bus together.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, May 9th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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236. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Tuesday, April 24th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Andrea)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: Hey, how are you?

Andrea: Oh, you know.

Drommen: Guy trouble?

Andrea: Yeah, well. Eddie, like, caught up with me the other day? Said he’s got a new job.

Drommen: Really?

Andrea: (nods) He gave me this, like, sob story about not having enough money to live on. He was trying to convince me to give him a loan.

Drommen: And you said no of course.

Andrea: (sighs) Yeah.

Drommen: Then why so fed up?

Andrea: Well, you know how I, like, pinned him to a tree a couple of weeks ago?

Drommen: (laughs) That was a good one.

Andrea: Turns out he lost his teeth. He talked me into getting him a new pair. Figured it was the least I could do.

Drommen: So fang-boy’s back in business then.

Andrea: Apparently he needed them for his new job, or some such bullshit.

Drommen: So he can suck the life out of everyone’s enjoyment in the workplace?

Andrea: Probably.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, April 25th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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230. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Wednesday, April 18th, 8:00pm
Mr. Splindle and Edward

 

Mr. Splindle: So what were you doing before, Edward?

Edward: I worked for a man … er … I was an apprentice of sorts.

Mr. Splindle: That idea died, did it?

Edward: It dyed the wrong colour completely.

Mr. Splindle: And what do you like to do for fun?

Edward: Do you mean what are my hobbies?

Mr. Splindle: No! No, not at all. This isn’t an interview, son! It’s what you might call a recruitment! No, I just want to know what sorts of things might be distracting you from our little venture.

Edward: Well, I like to look at girls.

Mr. Splindle: So you like pussy, eh son? A man after my own heart.

Edward: (frowning) That’s not what I said.

Mr. Splindle: What are you talking about then, lad?

Edward: I like to look at girls, not cats.

Mr. Splindle regards him for a moment.

Edward: And I don’t like dogs.

Mr. Splindle: (pats him on the knee and smiles) Son, the cats we’re going to see tonight’ll have you howling like a dog at the moon.

 

Next stop: Thursday, April 19th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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215. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, April 3rd, 8:00am
Michael (and Joanna)

 

Michael sits at the window reading the newspaper. Joanna takes the seat beside him.

Michael: This is incredible.

Joanna: What is?

Michael: This. (shows her a picture in the newspaper) Did you hear about it?

Joanna: (grimaces) What the hell is that even a picture of?

Michael: (points) It’s a guy.

Joanna: In a tree? What, is he stuck?

Michael: Yeah. He was found hanging from a limb, and … Here, I’ll just read it: “On Sunday morning, an east-end resident called police when she heard loud shrieking noises coming from her back yard shortly after she let her dog out. Before the police arrived, she snapped a picture of a man hanging from her century old oak, pinned there by his collar by a short wooden stake. It wasn’t until police arrived, however, that she found the man’s biggest complaint wasn’t the hanging, but the fact that he had lost his plastic vampire fangs. The dog was later discovered wearing an extra-toothy grin.”

Joanna: (shakes head) Takes all kinds I guess.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, April 4th, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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212. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, March 31, 8:00pm
Edward (and Andrea)

 

Edward sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.

Andrea: Hi, honey.

Edward: No …

Andrea: Do you like it?

Edward: Noooo …

Andrea: But … Lacey promised me you’d like it anyway. We tried, but …

Edward: It’s pink. Your hair is pink.

Andrea: Well I like it. Even though it was an accident. Should I try again? ‘Coz I can, like, try again next week.

Edward: (covers his face with his hands and laments) It’s too late. It’s too late!!

Andrea: Does … that mean we’re not, like, going to the party anymore?

Edward: You idiot! Of course we’re not going to a party. We were never going to a party!

Andrea: (reaches into her bag and pulls out a wooden stake) Damned right, sucka!!

Edward leaps over her and runs for the door. Andrea chases him off the bus.

 

Next stop: Sunday, April 1st, 4:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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210. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, March 29th, 7:00pm
Edward (and Andrea)

 

Edward sits at the window. Andrea takes the seat beside him.

Andrea: Eddie!

Edward: Please don’t call me that. Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you for two days.

Andrea: (flutters eyelashes) You have?!

Edward: Yes. Didn’t your friend tell you?

Andrea: No. In fact she’s been giving me taxi money.

Edward: Drat.

Andrea: But I’m here now! I got this, like, great new job, and …

Edward: You’re not blond. I need you blond.

Andrea: Wh … what for?

Edward: A party. (nods with satisfaction) I want to take you to a party.

Andrea: What kind of party?

Edward: A … blond party.

Andrea: (smiles) Sounds like fun! When is it?

Edward: I’ll have to check. How soon can you be blond?

Andrea: I can do it on, like, Saturday morning.

Edward: Excellent. I’ll see you Saturday.

Edward stares at her.

Edward: Can you let me out please?

Andrea: Wh … That’s it?

Edward: What else is there?

Andrea: I don’t know. Like, a kiss goodbye would be nice.

Edward: Don’t make me jump out the window again.

Andrea: (gets up slowly) Okay then. (calls to him as he gets off the bus) See you soon, Eddie … Edward!

 

Next stop: Friday, March 30th, 8:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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205. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, March 24th, 8:00pm
Lacey (and Edward)

 

Lacey sits at the window. Edward pops up in the seat behind her.

Edward: (into her ear) Hello.

Lacey: (jumps) Ugh! You again? Why do you do that?

Edward: (smiles, showing fake fangs) Because I can. What’s your friend’s name again?

Lacey: Andrea?

Edward: Yes. That one. Is she still in love with me?

Lacey: (rolls her eyes) Yes. But I have no idea why. She really needs to …

Edward: Would she dye her hair for me?

Lacey: (without interruption) … stay away from y … What did you say?

Edward: Do you think she’d dye her hair blond?

Lacey: What the hell for?

Edward: (looks up at the ceiling) Oh, no reason.

Lacey: (narrows her eyes) You want her to look like that Bella chick you’ve been trying to get, don’t you.

Edward: No.

Lacey: Then why?

Edward: I just happen to like … I mean, I prefer … No reason. Can you ask her to dye her hair and meet me on the bus Tuesday night?

Lacey: No.

Edward: When will she be back on the bus?

Lacey: Not telling.

Edward: (after a moment of silence) Do you want to be blond?

Lacey: No!

Edward: (under his breath) Damn.

 

Next stop: Sunday, March 25th, 10:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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191. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language

Saturday, March 10th, 9:00pm
Bella and Alice (and Lily)

 

Bella: God, I hope we don’t see him tonight.

Alice: Which one?

Bella: Pfft, either of them. How do I keep picking such losers?

Alice: You didn’t exactly pick Edward.

Bella: But Edgar I did. What an asshole.

Alice: Maybe he didn’t just stand you up.

Bella: What are you saying, Edward got him and (hooks two fingers on each hand) “made him a vampire”?

Lily: (pops up behind their seat) Good evening, ladies.

Both jump.

Alice: What the hell do you want?

Lily: I just thought you’d want to know there’s a maniac on the loose.

Bella: Besides you?

Lily: (hisses) Yes, besides me. She’s been chasing Edward and I around with a stake. She wants to kill us. But we’ll get her first. No need to fear, ladies.

Alice: (wipes forehead) Phew! I was shaking in my boots.

Lily: I can smell sarcasm.

Bella: Wait a minute. Wasn’t I your mortal enemy a few weeks back?

Lily: This one’s more of a threat. I’ll deal with you later. Myself.

Alice: (to Bella) I smell a shit stain. Do you smell a shit stain?

Bella: I thought it was garlic.

Lily hisses and heads for the door.

 

Next stop: Sunday, March 11th, 10:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.