Life in progress

Category Archives: Scecond Seat on the Right


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365. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, August 31st, 8:00am
Milo (and Mortimer)

 

Milo sits at the window. Mortimer takes the seat beside him.

Mortimer: How’s the afterlife treating you?

Milo: You can see me?

Mortimer: I can. Because I’m dead like you. We only get to come out a few times a year–this is one of them.

Milo: What’s so special about today?

Mortimer: Bus is in to have the upholstery cleaned.

Milo: About time too. This seat is all sticky.

Mortimer: (laughs) That’ll be our friend Jake Drommen. He didn’t last long.

Milo: I’ve seen him. Do you think he’ll go straight?

Mortimer: Eventually. Sooner rather than later I think.

Milo: Got all kinds of people on this bus.

Mortimer: Oh yeah. Gals who work in dungeons, pick-up artists, cheaters, gossips, philosophers, cantankerous old people, cartoon characters … even a few vampires for good measure.

Milo: You forgot the cannibal.

Mortimer: Oh yes. I think that’s how The Darkness got the way he is–cannibalism.

Milo: Someone should tell Andrea.

Mortimer: She’ll figure it out for herself. The figuring will give her something to keep her busy while she gets over Edward.

Milo: True enough.

Mortimer: Not a bad place to spend an eternity. Keeps me entertained at least.

Milo: Is there any getting off this thing?

Mortimer: Not that I’ve found.

Milo: Have you ever tried pulling the cord to get the bus to stop?

Mortimer: Nope, haven’t tried that. But be my guest.

Milo: I think I’ll do that. (thinks about it for a moment) After I find out what happens next.

 

Bus out of service.

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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364. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, August 30th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Sheila)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Sheila takes the seat beside him.

Sheila: Hi.

Drommen: (smiles) Hi.

Sheila: You’re looking like you’re pretty pleased with yourself.

Drommen: I am. I’ve decided to give up a part of my life that was no good for me. Let it go. Now I’m much happier.

Sheila: Well, good for you!

Drommen: Thank you.

Sheila: It’s important for people to set limits for themselves.

Drommen: It is.

Sheila: And to follow their dreams.

Drommen: Indeed.

Sheila: Hey, can I ask you a question?

Drommen: Go right ahead.

Sheila: Do you mind if I masturbate?

 

Next stop: Friday, August 31st, 8:00am

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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363. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, August 29th, 9:00pm
Bella (and Alice) (and Lily)

 

Bella sits at the window. Alice takes the seat beside her.

Alice: Hey.

Bella: Hey. So what did you find out?

Alice: Turns out they transferred Edward out of prison and into some sort of mental facility. He ran away from there while security had their backs turned.

Bella: I knew he didn’t turn to smoke! What a liar.

Alice: But there’s that thing with the house. I still can’t explain that.

Lily: (pops up from behind the seat, making Bella and Alice jump) I can.

Bella: (to Alice) You’d think we’d get used to that.

Alice: (to Lily) We don’t want your explanation.

Lily: Oh, but you should. You see, Edward was never really a vampire.

Bella: Well, duh!

Lily: But I am. And I can do all sorts of things.

Alice: Can you disappear?

Lily: I can. In fact I’m going to. I’m going to join Edward in Transylvania and give him what he’s always wanted.

Bella: A life?

Lily: Eternal life. And then I’m sure he’ll be back for you. (breathing into the back of Bella’s neck) I wouldn’t stop looking over your shoulder, Bella.

Lily disappears in a puff of air.

Alice: Wait! Where’d she go this time?

Bella: (squeezes past Alice and stands in the aisle facing the seat behind them) Mosquito! (slaps the seat and kills the mosquito on the seat) Sucker!

Alice: One down! (high-fives Bella)

 

Next stop: Thursday, August 30th, 6:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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362. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, August 28th, 5:00pm
Ms. Ethics (and Hilda)

 

Ms. Ethics sits at the window. Hilda takes the seat beside her.

Hilda: Long time no see.

Ms. Ethics: Well, hello. How is your seance business going?

Hilda: Wonderfully, thank you.

Ms. Ethics sniffs and turns to the window.

Hilda: How is your column working out for you?

Ms. Ethics: (turns back) Very well, thank you. My clientele is mostly happy with my work.

Hilda: That’s lovely. All of mine are happy.

Ms. Ethics: (blinks a few times) Well bully for you.

Hilda: Listen. I was hoping I’d run in to you again. I have a question for you. It’s a personal one. Nothing to do with a client.

Ms. Ethics: (smirking) Go ahead.

Hilda: Would it be improper to tell my ex that his house is haunted by a bad spirit after he’s bought it? He’s going to sign the papers today.

Ms. Ethics opens her mouth, closes it again, and turns to the window.

 

Next stop: Saturday, August 29th, 9:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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361. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, August 27th, 5:00pm
Alfred and Hester

 

Hester: Now you’ve got your Viagra, what are you going to do when we get home?

Alfred: Obviously anything to get out of ironing my own shirts.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, August 28th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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360. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, August 26th, 1:00pm
Valhallah (and Simon)

 

Valhallah sits at the window. Simon takes the seat beside her.

Valhallah: I’m looking particularly beautiful today, don’t you think?

Simon: Absolutely edible.

Valhallah: Oooh, I like you.

Simon: I could take you places.

Valhallah: Yeah? Like where?

Simon: I can seriously see you in Greece.

Valhallah: Really? That would cost an arm and a leg!

Simon: (chuckles) Oh, at least.

 

Next stop: Monday, August 27th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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359. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, August 25th, 7:00pm
Andrea (and Lacey)

 

Andrea sits at the window. Lacey takes the seat beside her.

Andrea: Hey there!

Lacey: What’s new?

Andrea: I got a new job! At a dungeon. I’m going to take out all my wildest fantasies on, like, a bunch of strangers.

Lacey: Take out?

Andrea: Well, you know. Anger issues and all that. But things have, like, never been better with the love life. Darkie doesn’t talk much, and you know how I love to hold a conversation, but it doesn’t, like, seem all that bad. He’s a good listener.

Lacey: Uh huh. Well, congrat–

Andrea: And you know Eddie’s left town. Good riddance. I was, like, so over him anyways. So now it’s just me and my Darkness.

Lacey: I’m happy for you.

Andrea:  Thanks! So what’s going on with you?

Lacey: Oh, you know. I–

Andrea: I so do. Isn’t life great? Just, like, really great?

Lacey: Uh huh.

 

Next stop: Sunday, August 26th, 1:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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358. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Note: Strong language.

Friday, August 24th, 7:00pm
Karla (and Sean)

 

Karla sits at the window, staring at her cell phone. Sean takes the seat beside her.

Sean: Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?

Karla shrugs without looking up.

Sean: Must be something hella interesting on that thing.

Karla: (without looking up) Yep.

Sean: Wanna get fucked up?

Karla: (turns to him) What do you got?

Sean: (smiles) An ounce of green and a dick of steel.

Karla: (puts her phone in her pocket) I’m in.

 

Next stop: Saturday, August 25th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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357. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, August 23rd, 5:00pm
Sandi (and Candice)

 

Sandi sits at the window. Candice takes the seat beside her.

Sandi: Hey there!

Candice: Hi!

Sandi: I heard about your big news! Congratulations!

Candice: Yep. Getting married, going back to school. It’s like I’m growing up.

Sandi: I won’t be with Madame very much longer either.

Candice: Oh no?

Sandi: (smiles) Jeff and I are having a baby.

Candice: Oh my God! (hugs her) That’s wonderful!

Sandi: Yeah. Can’t exactly whip guys when I’ve got a baby bulge. And anyway, Jeff’s looking for a job out of province, so we’ll be moving soon. I hope.

Candice: Is the church going to take him back?

Sandi: I think so.

Candice: I hope you’re not leaving too soon. I was hoping you’d be my maid of honour.

Sandi: I’d love that! Who’s Justin’s best man going to be?

Candice: (shrugs) A friend of his from Calgary. Jimmy. Haven’t met him yet.

Sandi: I wonder what Madame’s going to do without us.

Candice: She’s been interviewing people. I think she’s going to go with someone named Andrea. Apparently, she’s got more energy than the two of us put together.

 

Next stop: Friday, August 24th, 7:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


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356. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, August 22nd, 5:00pm
Jack and Chip

 

Chip: How’s your new roommate working out? What’s her name again?

Jack: Jill. She’s really weird.

Chip: How so?

Jack: Every night she fills up a bucket of water in the bathtub and takes it to bed with her.

Chip: Really?

Jack: Yeah. I wouldn’t mind but she sleeps in the basement. She keeps slopping water all over the stairs.

Chip: Maybe you should carry it down for her.

Jack: Pfft. You know me. I’d probably fall down the stairs and break my neck.

Chip: Good point.

 

Next stop: Thursday, August 23rd, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.