If I’m going to piggyback illegally on the A to Z Challenge, I may as well go all the way with no theme, no rules (including grammar) for my titles … no nothin’, damnit! I’m such a rebel.
I dreamed a lot last night. In one, I had to justify something I’d explained inaccurately in another dream from another time. Seriously, I could write a book about the weird things that come into my head when I’m sleeping.
My weirdest one last night was that Melania Trump is only 2’4″ tall. And I have no idea what the significance of that is. Theories, anyone?
Thanks to everyone for supporting my effort to write ‘coz I have to. You’re all very bad influences and I love you for it. ❤
It’s going to be a busy day for me, so I want to write this post before I do anything. Trouble is, I haven’t eaten breakfast yet–in perfect procrastinator fashion, I’ve put it off simply because I didn’t know what to write, which is ridiculous considering that’s the entire purpose of Stream of Consciousness Saturday: to just write when you have nothing to write. So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah.
I haven’t had breakfast. So I’m sitting here starving, trying to figure out what I can write about with “bun” in it without torturing myself. Here’s what I have to avoid, just so you have an idea what I’m going through:
Buns–my eldest son has taken to baking bread lately. He’s planning to bake some buns, from scratch, for our dinner tonight. Can’t talk about that.
Easter Bunny–that’s me. I have to go out today sometime and get chocolate eggs to hide for tomorrow morning.
Bunch of grapes–sitting in my fridge. They’re going to go bad if I don’t eat them soon. Eating soon is definitely on my mind.
Bundt cakes–giant donuts that can be shared for dessert … or hidden somewhere in the back of the fridge to be consumed in secret after everyone else has gone to bed.
Bungalow–there we go! Something that doesn’t remind me of food. Unless you count the gingerbread house I built at Christmas. I wonder if it’s possible to build a two-storey gingerbread house? Yum.
Bungle–yep, that’s what I’m doing with this post if my goal is to forget about food.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’m going to have breakfast. Cheers with coffee!!
Day 5 is almost in the bag and we’re all still alive.
It’s been an interesting week. I managed to write and submit a new short story to my publisher (I can’t believe I can actually say “my publisher”!) yesterday. Transmundane Press’s next release will be an anthology themed on dreams. I’m happy with what I’ve written–hope they will be too. Wish me luck.
Speaking of luck, it’s lucky St. Patrick’s Day tomorrow. If you’re interested in reading the stories that have kept me busy editing for the last three weeks, you can download the e-book, Shamrocks, Shillelaghs & Shenanigans for free at your favourite e-book retailer. C’mon. With a cover like this, I know you’re curious:
You can find all the links at the bottom of this post.
In other news, as I was driving the other day, annoyed that it was taking so long to get to my destination, I started to wonder if I’m getting spoiled by fiction. Okay, I know that doesn’t make much sense on the surface, but hear me out.
When I write scenes, if I want my characters to go from one exciting scenario to the next, I just put them there. Because let’s face it, most of the time traveling is boring. There’s a reason kids ask “are we there yet?” I spend so much time in the world of fiction, whether I’m reading it, writing it, or editing it, that it has become more the norm than what’s normal.
I really need to get out more, don’t you think?
Anyhoo, that’s my short update. Back to work.
Here are the links to the FREE book of sexy short stories.
Well, I was going to get loads of work done today. Work on my own novel, on the short story I’m writing to submit to the upcoming anthology by Transmundane Press, work on my editing website, and on the introduction I need to write for the St. Patrick’s Day anthology I edited. And what have I done so far? Your guess is as good as mine, but it wasn’t any of the above.
Thing is, I have been working all day. I must have, because I didn’t play a single computer game. I did do a final proofreading run-through on the St. Patty’s anthology. And my butt is square from sitting on the sofa all day, so I must have been on the laptop.
I do keep getting up to grab myself something from the fridge in hopes that when I get back, I’ll get something done. But it’s like there’s so much to do I’m not sure where to start, so I end up doing things like chatting on Facebook (I have to–it’s anthology work), or scrolling through the, like, 50 tabs I have open to see what’s new. Social media is my downfall. I admit it.
What else have I done today? I avoided wine. That’s gotta count for something, especially since Alex is on a rare weekend at his dad’s. I know, I say I “avoided” wine like it’s flying through the air, aiming at me. It’s not true. It’s actually tucked into a wine rack in the basement. All two dozen bottles … Mmm, wine.
BUT, I can still get some work done tonight, can’t I? It’s only … 11:06pm. Oh damn, the clocks go forward. It may as well be after midnight. Where does the time go?!? Alex will be home before I know it, and I won’t have any work done!! May as well give up and drink wine.
My to-do list is once again way over the top. I find it much easier when that list is dominated by stuff I have to do for other people. When I promise someone I will, for instance, have their editing job done on a certain day, nine times out of ten I get it done early. I’m able to concentrate better when I have someone counting on me. I have discipline. When it’s only me counting on me, I have none.
At the moment I’m supposed to be working on three short stories (I have a deadline for two of them, but they’re not motivating me yet), one of which I’ve gone as far as creating a Word document and naming. Not a single word in the document itself. The other two I have great ideas for, but the deadline for the first is closer. As someone wise once said (Stephen King?) starting is the hardest part.
My excuse for not working on my novel is I’m waiting for a beta reader to get back to me. I could work on it anyway, but there’s this short story …
All in all it seems I’m the last person on my to-do list who has any clout. I love to make other people happy by getting their work done on time, but me–meh. I’m not that important. I need to find a way to change that. And I need to find a way to stop procrastinating. In other words, I need to get off my ass and do things for me.
Okay, I didn’t actually destroy the computers at Service Ontario (where we renew our licenses and health cards), but I didn’t seem to do them any favours.
If you read my bloated one-liner on Wednesday (here), you’ll know that whilst out at the mall, not one but two computers in the stores I visited crapped out while I was there. Apparently my reign of terror was not over. It happened again. Yesterday.
Both my son Chris and I needed to renew our health cards. So we went into the office and sat to wait our turn, as you do. We were called up to Desk #6 (there are 9) and the lady started filling out the paperwork. When she tried to take Chris’s picture, it didn’t work. The camera was fine, but the computer wouldn’t capture the image. So she sent us to Desk #3.
A nice lady helped us through the process and got Chris all set. Then it was my turn. As she was processing my paperwork, the computer started glitching.
“Oh no,” I said and then explained to her what had happened at the mall.
She waved it off good-naturedly and suggested we take my picture while the computer was doing its thing.
“I’ll try not to break your camera,” I said as I stepped in front of it.
The lady thought that was hilarious, and we laughed until I had to do the serious face for my photo. Then came her serious face when the picture didn’t work. Her computer crashed.
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll just pass you off to my colleague at Desk #4.”
The other lady with whom she shared a workspace and who hadn’t been busy for a while said that if her camera worked, it wasn’t me, it was the lady she worked with who broke the computer.
So I stood in front of the camera again and we laughed and laughed, and I got serious, and then we all got serious. It didn’t work. At this point, three out of nine computers weren’t working.
So the lady at Desk #4 asked us to have a seat while she called IT. While we sat there (right by the desk), a man passed us to go to Desk #2. A woman was following him so closely, that I thought they were together. The man approached the desk but the woman stood back.
“You just called me to this desk,” she said, confused. It was obvious the two weren’t together at this point.
“Oh,” said the man behind Desk #2. “Sorry, just take a seat and we’ll call you up next. It happens sometimes that the computer calls two people up at the same time. Must be a glitch.”
Shortly after that we went back to Desk #4 and I got my confirmation that my renewal had gone through offsite. The lady’s computer still wasn’t working, but they’d done it somehow through another office. Obviously one where I wasn’t physically present.
Because I’ve got a story to tell, I’m going to take a page out of Dan Antion’s book and base a long post on a short sentence. This should, by rights, be a one-liner, but I’m cheating this week. Sue me. (You won’t get anything, so don’t bother.)
I was at the mall Monday night getting a new pair of prescription sunglasses to replace the ones I lost on Christmas Eve. After finding out they were going to cost me $400, I decided to get an account with the store so I could pay for them over the space of six months. Half an hour and an utter disaster on the part of the store’s computer later (with time spent made pleasant by the friendly cashier), I walked out of there with my credit but no glasses yet.
To celebrate my half a victory, I decided to go into the children’s clothing store to buy some underwear and pants for Alex. I picked out the undergarments with no problem, but the pants I wasn’t too sure about. So I went to the cashier with two pairs, two different sizes. The cashier, a lovely lady named Nancy, assured me I’d be able to bring back the pair that didn’t fit. She rang in the purchase, it went through, and boom, her computer screen went black. While I waited for it to reboot, I told her it seemed everywhere I went in the mall, I was breaking computers. We laughed and joked about it, and about half an hour later I walked out of there with a bag full of pants.
When I got home, I had Alex try both pairs of pants on. One was too big, the other too small. I thought fine, I had to take one pair back anyway, why not two? But when I went to put them back in the bag (with the receipt I’d waited so long for), I realized Nancy had forgotten to take the little ink tag off the bigger pair of pants.
So out came the receipt so I could look up the phone number of the store before they closed. I explained to the lady who answered that I still had the ink tag on the pants and I wanted to bring them back, but I didn’t want them to think I’d stolen them and was just trying to get money from them.
She said it was no problem, as long as I had my receipt. Before I hung up, I wanted to know if it was the same cashier who’d rung me through. (I didn’t remember her name at the time.)
Me: Have you been there a while tonight? I’m the one who came in earlier …
Her: You’re the lady who broke my computer?
Me: Yes!
Ah, I do love it when a cashier has a sense of humour.
Here are the general rules to follow for Just Jot it January:
1. Just Jot It January starts January 1st, but it’s never too late to join in! Here, we run on the honour system; the “jot it” part of JusJoJan means that anything you jot down, anywhere (it doesn’t have to be a post, it can even be a grocery list) counts as a “Jot.” If it makes it to your blog that day, great! If it waits a week to get from a sticky note to your screen, no problem!
2. I’ll post the daily prompts at 2am my time (GMT -5), every day except for Saturday’s Stream of Consciousness (SoCS) prompt–you’ll find that one on Friday morning at 9:30am. That daily post (i.e. this one) will be where you leave your link for others to find in the comment section. There will be a prompt for every day except Wednesday, when the prompt is simply my One-Liner Wednesday.
2a. Since today is Wednesday, I challenge you to make your JusJoJan post a one-liner. If you don’t care to, or if you’ve already written your post, no problem. Remember, with One-Liner Wednesday you can write anything – it’s only a prompt to write one line, not necessarily to keep to the same theme as mine. The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
(i) Make it one sentence.
(ii) Make it either funny or inspirational.
(iii) Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
(iv) Enjoy yourself!
(v) Use our One-Liner Wednesday badge.
3. As long as your blog is on WordPress, you’ll be able to link via pingback. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL from the daily prompt post, and paste it anywhere in your post. Check to make sure your link shows up where you want it to, and go back occasionally to see other bloggers’ entries – the more you visit others, the more they’ll visit you! If you’re participating from another blogging host, just drop a link into the comment section. Note: The newest pingbacks and comments will appear at the top.
4. Tag your post JusJoJan and/or #JusJoJan.
5. Write anything! Any length will do! It can even be a photo or a drawing – you’re going to title it, right? There’s your jot!
6. The prompts are here both to remind you and to inspire you to write. However, you don’t have to use the prompt word of theday. You can link any kind of jot back here. Note: If it’s 18+ content, please say so in a comment with your link or close to your pingback.
7. If you’d like to, use the JusJoJan badge so that others can find your post more easily.
I’ve always wished I was a better dancer. It’s not that I’m uncoordinated–I figure skated for eight years, until I was 16 (though I fell a lot, once cutting myself badly enough with my skate blade to have dozens of stiches), I have a brown belt in Shotokan karate … which I haven’t practiced in ten years or so, and I haven’t broken anything. Yet.
Oh, except for my ribs, but they may have only been cracked. I had this Chevy Blazer, you see. It was back when carburetors were a thing, and I flooded the engine on a regular basis. I got good at taking the lid off the filter and sticking a screwdriver in the top of the carburetor to hold the choke open while I started the engine. One day, I was coming out of my doctor’s office and I flooded the engine. So I climbed out with my trusty screwdriver, opened the hood, and stood, as I usually did, on the front bumper of the truck (it was very high) to do my thing. Got it started okay, but when I went to retrieve the screwdriver, my feet slipped off the bumper and down I went on the hood latch. I basically impaled myself. I managed to get down and rolled around on the ground, screaming, until a nice man helped me up and back into the doctor’s office.
I learned a lesson that day. Which was, obviously, be careful not to stand over the hood latch.
So anyway, I can’t dance. At least not well. Which has absolutely nothing to do with breaking my ribs, but there you go. That’s what Stream of Consciousness Saturday is all about … tangents. Hey, I could have called it Tangent Tuesday instead! Feel free to use that.
You know who I wish could make a decent prediction? The weather man. Just imagine never getting caught without an umbrella when you need one. Or a coat. Or a toothbrush for when you’re unexpectedly served something full of garlic. … oh wait. Wrong kind of prediction.
But seriously. It would be cool if the weather man could positively predict what you’re going to end up eating on any given day, wouldn’t it? You’d never have to stress over another grocery list.
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