Life in progress

Tag Archives: Humor


by 24 Comments

Sparks Flew

Well, that was exciting.

I arrived home at eight tonight and pulled into my driveway, as I do. It was raining, so I got ready to make a run for the house. I grabbed my bag, opened the driver’s door, put one foot out, and heard a loud bang. Followed by many other loud bangs.

Fireworks? I wondered. No. A transformer blew about five houses down the street from mine, on my side of the street.

It wasn’t happy enough to go off with a pop.

No.

It crackled and sizzled and fizzed in all the colours of the rainbow, the sparks traveling up the wires to RIGHT BEHIND MY FRIGGIN’ CAR where I had, by then retreated with both feet, up and down and up and down for about a full minute before it finally fizzled out.

To say I was terrified and fascinated in equal measures is, well, pretty much the truth.

The extravaganza stopped at the transformer outside my house, so we have power. All my neighbours down the street aren’t so lucky.

I’ve seen a transformer blow before, but this was just … spectacularly horrifying!

I just wish I’d had the presence of mind to take a picture instead of sitting there peeing myself, wondering if I was going to make it the twenty feet to my front door.

Without being fried.

*doesn’t insert copyrighted image of Wile E. Coyote electrocuting himself

 

 


by 39 Comments

#SoCS – Worm of the Ear that Bit Me

I used to always get rid of earworms by listening to the song that was bugging me. It worked most of the time. It’s kind of like drinking to get over a hangover, which is where the completely nonsensical title of this post came from. Use it at will. It would be nice if one of these silly things I come up with becomes popular. Someone came up with the word “earworm” after all.  I guess the next step to fame for something like that is when the little squiggly red line underneath it disappears because it’s been added to the dictionary.

Is “earworm” in the dictionary? Yes. I just checked. The popular meaning doesn’t have a date mentioned in Merriam-Webster online, but the other meaning–corn earworm–has been around since 1802. Check it out. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/corn%20earworm

You learn something new every day.

Getting back to songs. With the number of earworms I get on any given day nowadays, I’d be looking up songs to get over them all day. The worm of the ear that bit me would be a constant occupation … I don’t know why I get so many songs stuck in my head. Maybe it’s my brain’s way of trying to get me to stop thinking of everything all the time, and concentrate on one, as annoying as it may be.

I mean seriously. I can hear a lawn mower while I type this–this is how bad it is–and my mind just went to “Mow, mow, mow your boat,” so now that’s stuck.

But I’ll get over it with another song.

Maybe one I write myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95dKsLZXygk

You’re welcome.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This highly annoying post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other participating blogs in the comments, and join in yourself. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-8-18/


by 31 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Limp Biscuit?

Seriously, Milk Bone?

(Photos depict a Milk Bone dog biscuit bent at about a quarter of the way to the end, giving it a rather interesting appearance.)

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


by 11 Comments

Me, this morning

I’M FREE!

I mean, “I hope you have a great first day back to school, sweetie!”

 

 


by 17 Comments

#SoCS – ‘Round Here

‘Round here, this lateness thing seems to be getting more the norm than the exception.

I’ve been thinking all day though, about how to start this post. And every time I thought about writing “around” but with the apostrophe instead of the “a,” I thought about how much I actually enjoy writing in an old man’s voice.

I actually wondered if I secretly wish in the back of my mind, somewhere where my consciousness can’t see, that I could be an old man instead of an … old-ish woman.

I don’t feel old. Unless you count all the aches and pains that have become more the norm than the exception. There’s that phrase again.

I like normalcy. I used to wish I had excitement in my life. Now, not so much. I must be an old man at heart.

I do still want to travel. I love going places on my own … Though last time I went to Japan, I thought it might also be nice to take my eldest son next time. I know he’d leave me on my own to explore, and I know he’d be okay doing the same. So it would be kinda like going with someone, but without the responsibility of having to do half of what they do.

Do old men generally like their independence? Hmmm …

Well, I’m dropping off to sleep. Must be bed time.

But tomorrow, I should be around.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to find all the other posts in the comments, and join in! https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/31/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-1-18/


by 26 Comments

#SoCS – Noticed?

You might have noticed that I am, once again, late for my own party. Two weeks (has it been two, or three?) in a row I’ve posted a Stream of Consciousness Sunday.  Today’s excuse is all about editing. There’s a new anthology coming out in October that I’ll also (as well as copyediting it) have a story in. Paranormal romance … so exciting!

(By the way, anyone studying this post for grammar mistakes–the rules include NO EDITING for SoCS posts. Don’t judge me by this post.)

This is the raw me. The unedited me. Have you noticed how … conversational Stream of Consciousness Saturday posts seem? That’s what I love about them. It’s that not-being-able-to-take-it-back-once-it’s-out-of-your-mouth thing. (Spellcheck really didn’t like that.) Where was I? Oh yeah.

Wine. Wine is good. I’m having a glass now after a full day of work. I can’t edit and drink, which is doing wonders for my weight sobriety. Not that I have a problem with staying sober. But wine is good, isn’t it?

Speaking of sobriety, I found a bag of potatoes today that was slowly but surely becoming vodka in my cupboard. Only it smelled more like fish. Not a good scent for potatoes, I thought, so they’re in the garbage now. *hic*

Speaking of gross things, my next sip of wine tasted like dish soap. I don’t know if it was the fact that the wine had had a chance to dilute whatever wasn’t washed out of the glass the last time it was washed, but I had to get rid of the rest of it.

So I opened a new bottle. *hic*

Where was I?

Oh yeah. There’s no way I’m going to get my colouring project done for the month of August. So I’m going to be late for that party too. I’ll still post the prompt, but with an unfinished page. I suck.

But wine is good.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This *hic* post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday Sunday Saturday. Join in, won’t you? *hic* https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/24/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-25-18/


by 55 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – When you read it wrong every time

Whenever I see the words “Power Outage,” I wonder how anyone could get so angry over electricity.

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely new badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


by Leave a comment

353. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, August 19th, 5:00pm
Danielle (and Dale)

 

Danielle sits at the window. Dale takes the seat beside her.

Dale: Hey, Danny, long time no see.

Danielle: (frowning) Yeah …

Dale: What’s new with you?

Danielle: Oh, you know.

Dale: Lots of changes for me. I just moved and stuff.

Danielle: Uh huh.

Dale: So, how’s the wife?

Danielle: I … don’t have a wife.

Dale: (one eyebrow raised) Didn’t you get married a while ago?

Danielle: Yeah, but I married a man.

Dale: Really? I didn’t know you were gay.

Danielle: I’m not.

Dale: (turning red) I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.

Danielle turns to the window, self-consciously rubbing the dark hair on her upper lip.

 

Next stop: Monday, August 20th, 5:00pm

Click here to learn all about this series, how it works, and where to find your favourite characters.


by 23 Comments

#SoCS – Logical English

I’m a huge fan of logic. It might be my star sign (Aquarius) or it might be just good ol’ learnin’, but logic makes more sense to me than stuff like intuition.

Though I do trust my intuition a lot. But not when there’s logic to be had.

Then there are some things I’ve just learned to accept. There’s really no fighting things like the English language, and its refusal to conjugate, for instance, “specific” into “specifical” when “magic” is “magical” and, well, “logic” is “logical.”

So, I’ve had to memorize these illogical instances, as we do. Or we don’t if we never get good at spelling. I think one of the worst things invented is spellcheck. It, like modern checkout machines at cash registers has made us lazy. I’VE become a bit lazy. Imagine that! Illogical, if you ask me.

What’s most logical on my mind currently is getting this post posted. I keep losing my Internet connection, and I want to send it off before I go to bed. Maybe even while it’s still Saturday!

Hope everyone had a good one. 🙂

A fond farewell to our SoCS badge! I’ll miss that little stream. ❤

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click on the link to find all the other awesome posts in the comment section, and join in! https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-18-18/


by 46 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Snail Mail

I got home yesterday to find I have snail mail.

(Pictured: a snail slithering across the lid of my mailbox.)

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely new badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!