I’M FREE!
I mean, “I hope you have a great first day back to school, sweetie!”
Tag Archives: Humor
#SoCS – ‘Round Here
‘Round here, this lateness thing seems to be getting more the norm than the exception.
I’ve been thinking all day though, about how to start this post. And every time I thought about writing “around” but with the apostrophe instead of the “a,” I thought about how much I actually enjoy writing in an old man’s voice.
I actually wondered if I secretly wish in the back of my mind, somewhere where my consciousness can’t see, that I could be an old man instead of an … old-ish woman.
I don’t feel old. Unless you count all the aches and pains that have become more the norm than the exception. There’s that phrase again.
I like normalcy. I used to wish I had excitement in my life. Now, not so much. I must be an old man at heart.
I do still want to travel. I love going places on my own … Though last time I went to Japan, I thought it might also be nice to take my eldest son next time. I know he’d leave me on my own to explore, and I know he’d be okay doing the same. So it would be kinda like going with someone, but without the responsibility of having to do half of what they do.
Do old men generally like their independence? Hmmm …
Well, I’m dropping off to sleep. Must be bed time.
But tomorrow, I should be around.
SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/
This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to find all the other posts in the comments, and join in! https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/31/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-1-18/
#SoCS – Noticed?
You might have noticed that I am, once again, late for my own party. Two weeks (has it been two, or three?) in a row I’ve posted a Stream of Consciousness Sunday. Today’s excuse is all about editing. There’s a new anthology coming out in October that I’ll also (as well as copyediting it) have a story in. Paranormal romance … so exciting!
(By the way, anyone studying this post for grammar mistakes–the rules include NO EDITING for SoCS posts. Don’t judge me by this post.)
This is the raw me. The unedited me. Have you noticed how … conversational Stream of Consciousness Saturday posts seem? That’s what I love about them. It’s that not-being-able-to-take-it-back-once-it’s-out-of-your-mouth thing. (Spellcheck really didn’t like that.) Where was I? Oh yeah.
Wine. Wine is good. I’m having a glass now after a full day of work. I can’t edit and drink, which is doing wonders for my weight sobriety. Not that I have a problem with staying sober. But wine is good, isn’t it?
Speaking of sobriety, I found a bag of potatoes today that was slowly but surely becoming vodka in my cupboard. Only it smelled more like fish. Not a good scent for potatoes, I thought, so they’re in the garbage now. *hic*
Speaking of gross things, my next sip of wine tasted like dish soap. I don’t know if it was the fact that the wine had had a chance to dilute whatever wasn’t washed out of the glass the last time it was washed, but I had to get rid of the rest of it.
So I opened a new bottle. *hic*
Where was I?
Oh yeah. There’s no way I’m going to get my colouring project done for the month of August. So I’m going to be late for that party too. I’ll still post the prompt, but with an unfinished page. I suck.
But wine is good.
SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/
This *hic* post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday Sunday Saturday. Join in, won’t you? *hic* https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/24/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-25-18/
One-Liner Wednesday – When you read it wrong every time
Whenever I see the words “Power Outage,” I wonder how anyone could get so angry over electricity.
If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.
NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.
Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”
The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.
3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
4. Add our lovely new badge to your post for extra exposure!
5. Have fun!
353. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Sunday, August 19th, 5:00pm
Danielle (and Dale)
Danielle sits at the window. Dale takes the seat beside her.
Dale: Hey, Danny, long time no see.
Danielle: (frowning) Yeah …
Dale: What’s new with you?
Danielle: Oh, you know.
Dale: Lots of changes for me. I just moved and stuff.
Danielle: Uh huh.
Dale: So, how’s the wife?
Danielle: I … don’t have a wife.
Dale: (one eyebrow raised) Didn’t you get married a while ago?
Danielle: Yeah, but I married a man.
Dale: Really? I didn’t know you were gay.
Danielle: I’m not.
Dale: (turning red) I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.
Danielle turns to the window, self-consciously rubbing the dark hair on her upper lip.
Next stop: Monday, August 20th, 5:00pm
#SoCS – Logical English
I’m a huge fan of logic. It might be my star sign (Aquarius) or it might be just good ol’ learnin’, but logic makes more sense to me than stuff like intuition.
Though I do trust my intuition a lot. But not when there’s logic to be had.
Then there are some things I’ve just learned to accept. There’s really no fighting things like the English language, and its refusal to conjugate, for instance, “specific” into “specifical” when “magic” is “magical” and, well, “logic” is “logical.”
So, I’ve had to memorize these illogical instances, as we do. Or we don’t if we never get good at spelling. I think one of the worst things invented is spellcheck. It, like modern checkout machines at cash registers has made us lazy. I’VE become a bit lazy. Imagine that! Illogical, if you ask me.
What’s most logical on my mind currently is getting this post posted. I keep losing my Internet connection, and I want to send it off before I go to bed. Maybe even while it’s still Saturday!
Hope everyone had a good one. 🙂
Badge by J-Dub @ https://jilywily.wordpress.com/
A fond farewell to our SoCS badge! I’ll miss that little stream. ❤
This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click on the link to find all the other awesome posts in the comment section, and join in! https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-18-18/
One-Liner Wednesday – Snail Mail
I got home yesterday to find I have snail mail.
(Pictured: a snail slithering across the lid of my mailbox.)
If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.
NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.
Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”
The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.
3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
4. Add our lovely new badge to your post for extra exposure!
5. Have fun!
#SoCS – The Burp
I don’t burp. At least not often. When I do, I make a point of telling everyone I know, “I burped! First time this year!” and so on … I don’t think I’ve made it past six. I don’t understand how people can make themselves burp. Just the idea makes me want to throw up. And I really hate doing that.
My son, Alex, does neither burp nor throw up. He has a g-tube–a tube in his stomach through which he feeds by means of a pump and formula–and at six months of age he had a fundoplication. Rather than try to explain it myself, here’s Merriam-Webster’s definition:
Medical Definition of fundoplication
: a surgical procedure in which the upper portion of the stomach is wrapped around the lower end of the esophagus and sutured in place as a treatment for the reflux of stomach contents into the esophagus — see nissen fundoplication
It means he’s not physically able to burp, let alone vomit. So if he needs to do either, I attach a large syringe minus the plunger to the end of a tube in his g-tube and I vent him, which is basically opening up his stomach to the air by means of a tube. The air comes out along with whatever else needs to, and he’s good to go. It’s like farting without the smell. I often wish I had a tube in my stomach through which I could release gas at will. Going through the regular channels can get painful.
But poor little baby Alex had reflux like nobody’s business. He threw up everything that went in. We tried drugs that didn’t help. We tried different formulas. I even pumped my own milk for six months while he was in the hospital. He couldn’t keep that down, either. (He finally came out of the hospital at eight months of age.)
So, yeah. Where was I?
Burping. Right. Can’t do it. To me it’s like giving birth to an air bubble.
And I’m leaving you with that thought.
Badge by J-Dub @ https://jilywily.wordpress.com/
This post with probably too much information is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other bodily functions posts from other bloggers and join in too! https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/10/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-11-18/
335. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right
Wednesday, August 1st, 5:00pm
Michael (and DeeDee)
Michael sits at the window, reading a book. DeeDee takes the seat beside him.
DeeDee: Excuse me.
Michael: (glances up) Oh God, not you again.
DeeDee: Yeah, me again. I’ve got something to ask you.
Michael: I’m not interested.
DeeDee: Oh, I think you will be.
Michael: I’m trying to read.
DeeDee: I can wait ’til you’re finished.
Michael: I’m only a quarter of the way into my book. Good luck.
DeeDee: That’s fine. I’ll count while I wait. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ni…
Michael: (snaps the book closed) Okay, what do you want?
DeeDee: Did you know that peanut butter was first patented by a Canadian?
Michael: (stares at her) You interrupted my reading for that?
DeeDee: It’s something everyone should know.
Michael shakes his head and goes back to his book.
DeeDee: (singing) Peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time.
Michael: (closes his book) Do you hate me?
DeeDee: A little. (starts singing again)
Next stop: Thursday, August 2nd, 5:00pm
One-Liner Wednesday – Who? Who, who, who, who?
Backstory: the dog escaped the back yard and my son didn’t know because he was sleeping, so before I went out, I put a note on the door to warn him not to let the dog out back. When I got home, I put the gate up on the deck–the only place safe for Winston to go out. I couldn’t resist taking the picture, just so I could write the title of this post.
If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.
NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.
Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”
The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
1. Make it one sentence.
2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.
3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
4. Add our lovely new badge to your post for extra exposure!
5. Have fun!
lindaghill.com 