Life in progress

Tag Archives: Humor


by 19 Comments

#SoCS – Can Can-Can

Can I catch a break? Seems not today. Dealt with a cold and bad behaviour from my kiddie who’s about to become an adult-ie. He was supposed to have his eighteenth birthday party dinner with the family tonight but instead he ended up going to his room for hitting me. He’s still only about 5 feet tall and not muscular at all (I can still pick him up), so he didn’t do any damage, but that’s not the point. He’s still at the terrible-twos-going-on-adolescent stage of his life.

But I did kind of catch a break. When you think of the brighter side, at least I didn’t have to get out of my pj’s today to go to the store and get a cake. And I’m feeling a bit better, so that’s something.

I suppose all in all I don’t have it that bad. I have a roof over my head and a way to communicate to the world. I have a little bit of an income, though that will have to change, again, since Alex is turning eighteen. I stand to lose a huge chunk of my income starting Tuesday. Like, about half of it. Wanna buy a book?

In all honesty, I’ve been working quite hard at marketing these last few weeks. It hasn’t got me very far, but I’m hoping it’s just a learning curve. I’ve been playing around with Canva–a free online graphics-making site. I made this tonight:

It’s fun to play with.

Can I get better at it? Sure I can. And I will.

I can also finish the third book in my series and maybe even write another book before the year is out. I’m incredibly motivated right now, and I’m itching to act like an author again. I feel like I can do this.

Which isn’t a good attitude to go to bed with, because I’m probably going to stay awake plotting a new book, or my life or something.

Where was I going with the title of this post? Oh yeah.

Can I admit something?

I always wondered if Cannes was where the can-can originated.

I can look it up.

But it’s late.

I used to be able to do the can-can. Now I can only do it with my fingers.

Still, I’m glad I can.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link to see all the other posts and join in! https://lindaghill.com/2018/10/19/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-20-18/ It’s fun!


by 37 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Cell Loss

I feel like for almost every post I see on Facebook, I lose a brain cell.

In other news, did you know that if you hit the “J” key on your keyboard it scrolls down your Facebook (and Tumblr) newsfeed, and that “K” scrolls up?

Let’s lose those brain cells at an accelerated rate together, shall we?

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


by 47 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Clippity-clop

Now I know where the squirrel–the one who walks across my roof when I’m trying to sleep in–got his hobnail boots from.

(Pictured: a poured-concrete sidewalk slab with squirrel footprints in the cement.)

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


by 12 Comments

#SoCS – De-floured

My mother never baked, which is likely why I never caught on to it. My mother’s best friend’s mother-in-law, who lived with us for a while, used to bake. She had me “help” her when I was a child, but I was never that much into it. All I wanted to do was read and play by myself. And write books and stories.

I took a home ec class in high school. Half of it was sewing, which was what my mother did best. She made all of our clothes (c’mon, shudder with me), but that wasn’t something I enjoyed doing either. So maybe my mother had no influence on my lack of baking either? I dunno. I enjoyed knitting more than anything.

Anyway, the second half of my home ec class was cooking. I successfully made a banana bread in that Grade 9 class. I was so proud of it. I brought some home for my mother and myself and my boyfriend at the time ate it. I never forgave him for that.

Fast forward to being married (not to the banana-bread thief) and enthusiastic about making a home. I was 19 years old. Yes, I got married young the first time. I decided to make banana bread again. I was soooo careful. I put it in the oven and checked it when it was supposed to be done. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, 45 minutes later. Then an hour. Nope. Hour and ten? Nope. I finally threw it in the garbage at more than twice the amount of time it should have taken to cook.

That was the last thing I ever tried to bake, apart from pre-packaged muffins and cookies.

The take away from this story? The day I was de-floured was the last day I baked anything worth eating.

And if that makes no sense, it must mean I need a glass of wine.

a flower

This wacky, absolutely bananas post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other participants’ posts in the comment section and join in yourself. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/21/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-22-18/

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/


by 42 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Go ahead, think the worst

I have no window coverings in my kitchen: there’s a window above the sink that looks straight into my back neighbour’s kitchen. Occasionally I’ll stand at the sink, fill a wine glass with water, and guzzle it right there. If I think my neighbours are watching, I drink two.

Perception is everything.

 

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


by 15 Comments

#SoCS – Post

Now that I think of it, it’s kinda strange that we call these things we write on the Internet “posts.”

Is that like sending out Internet mail to all people who care to follow what you say, like letters without using e-mail? Or is it more like we’re sticking our fenceposts in the ground of the web and saying, Here! Don’t go any farther until you read this! Because if you do, I’ll add a horizontal board and fence you in …

Okay, that went a bit sideways on me.

Removing a blog post is far easier than digging up a fencepost, but at least when you do the latter, you know it’s definitely gone. With posts on the Internet, you can never tell. Someone takes a screenshot and bang! You’re stuck with it for life and beyond. Bang? Should that be click? Ugh, I don’t know. Stupid “no editing” rule. Who thought that up, anyway?

See? Even if I delete the rule now, someone’ll have the original to throw back at me.

Whoever said “nothing is permanent” never heard of the world wide web, obviously. Haha.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link and find all the other participant’s posts in the comment section! https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/14/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-15-18/


by 35 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Too Much Computer

You know you spend too much time on the computer when you wake up at 4:04 am and say to yourself, that can’t be good.

 

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!


by 24 Comments

Sparks Flew

Well, that was exciting.

I arrived home at eight tonight and pulled into my driveway, as I do. It was raining, so I got ready to make a run for the house. I grabbed my bag, opened the driver’s door, put one foot out, and heard a loud bang. Followed by many other loud bangs.

Fireworks? I wondered. No. A transformer blew about five houses down the street from mine, on my side of the street.

It wasn’t happy enough to go off with a pop.

No.

It crackled and sizzled and fizzed in all the colours of the rainbow, the sparks traveling up the wires to RIGHT BEHIND MY FRIGGIN’ CAR where I had, by then retreated with both feet, up and down and up and down for about a full minute before it finally fizzled out.

To say I was terrified and fascinated in equal measures is, well, pretty much the truth.

The extravaganza stopped at the transformer outside my house, so we have power. All my neighbours down the street aren’t so lucky.

I’ve seen a transformer blow before, but this was just … spectacularly horrifying!

I just wish I’d had the presence of mind to take a picture instead of sitting there peeing myself, wondering if I was going to make it the twenty feet to my front door.

Without being fried.

*doesn’t insert copyrighted image of Wile E. Coyote electrocuting himself

 

 


by 39 Comments

#SoCS – Worm of the Ear that Bit Me

I used to always get rid of earworms by listening to the song that was bugging me. It worked most of the time. It’s kind of like drinking to get over a hangover, which is where the completely nonsensical title of this post came from. Use it at will. It would be nice if one of these silly things I come up with becomes popular. Someone came up with the word “earworm” after all.  I guess the next step to fame for something like that is when the little squiggly red line underneath it disappears because it’s been added to the dictionary.

Is “earworm” in the dictionary? Yes. I just checked. The popular meaning doesn’t have a date mentioned in Merriam-Webster online, but the other meaning–corn earworm–has been around since 1802. Check it out. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/corn%20earworm

You learn something new every day.

Getting back to songs. With the number of earworms I get on any given day nowadays, I’d be looking up songs to get over them all day. The worm of the ear that bit me would be a constant occupation … I don’t know why I get so many songs stuck in my head. Maybe it’s my brain’s way of trying to get me to stop thinking of everything all the time, and concentrate on one, as annoying as it may be.

I mean seriously. I can hear a lawn mower while I type this–this is how bad it is–and my mind just went to “Mow, mow, mow your boat,” so now that’s stuck.

But I’ll get over it with another song.

Maybe one I write myself.

You’re welcome.

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

This highly annoying post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find all the other participating blogs in the comments, and join in yourself. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-8-18/


by 31 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday – Limp Biscuit?

Seriously, Milk Bone?

(Photos depict a Milk Bone dog biscuit bent at about a quarter of the way to the end, giving it a rather interesting appearance.)

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!