Life in progress

Tag Archives: Humor


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#SoCS – High Times

High time I got around to writing my SoCS post, eh? I have 24 minutes ’til Sunday. I finally have time to myself. Got my glass of wine and my brand new container of Pringles that I just opened but suspect are somehow already stale. The expiry date is on the bottom of the tube, but it’s too dark here on the couch to read it. I can get up and hold it over my head near the light – I just sat down though. Time to be lazy. High time, in fact.

High time too that I changed my Gravatar picture. It’s now a selfie I took (hey, selfie isn’t a typo according to my spellchecker!) a year and a half ago in my hotel room in Akihabara. (Spellcheck doesn’t like that word.) I figure I’ve been depicted as a mannequin in a Santa hat long enough.

Update: the further down I go in my tube of Pringles, the fresher they get. And I’m out of wine. Be right back.

Miss me? Of course not. I wasn’t gone long. Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, highs and lows.

I’ve been measuring my days, of late, in terms of productivity and I don’t like it. My best friend (hi John!) always says that it’s a good day if he’s been productive and it kinda bugged me when he said it. Because good days should sometimes consist of doing nothing. (I almost wrote something rude – something my dog probably wouldn’t have appreciated.) The reason I feel this way is because if I do do nothing or get little done no matter how hard I try, I get stressed. And what good does it do to get stressed out about something I didn’t do in the past? There’s nothing I can do to change it.

I talk about this now because I have an entire week to look forward to of having Alex, my youngest, home with me. I’m going to get fuck all done (thanks, wine) and I don’t want to get upset about that because I know me, and I know I’m going to take that upsetness (thanks again, wine) out on my poor innocent angel. (Ha! I’ve gotta stop drinking. Oh look, Pringles!)

Okay, so my kid can get downright obnoxious when he wants to. But he mostly does it when I’m trying to ignore him and get my own work done. I know, I know, I can’t expect him to behave and do his own thing if I dote on him. He needs to learn to play and do things independently, and respect that I can’t always pay attention to him. But there’s a fine line there, I think. I’ll just have to be happy knowing that productivity, this week, is gonna be low.

This late and tipsy post is brought to you be Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find everybody’s posts in the comments! https://lindaghill.com/2017/08/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-517/

P.S. The Pringles aren’t supposed to expire until Sept. 2018, so the top must have been open. I’m gonna die!!
Waiter! More wine! I wanna go down happy …


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#SoCS – I want it, but would I give my right arm for it?

Wouldn’t it be nice if we had more hours in a day? Or if we could just not have to spend so much time sleeping? I normally only get about 5 hours, but that’s five hours I could spend doing all the things I have to do. I actually slept in until 10:45 this morning because Alex (my youngest) is at his dad’s this weekend. I came downstairs to find the dog with his legs crossed (not really – he can hold it a long time) and thought to myself I wish I’d gotten up earlier. But we need sleep once in a while, right? Ugh.

I’m often tempted to use the phrase “I’d give my right arm…” but really, would I? Imagine what that would do to my gait when I’m walking… I’d be going in circles all the time. Typing would be a hassle, as would giving people hugs. One-armed hugs are so impersonal, though I suspect anyone getting a hug from a one-armed person would not likely take it personally. (Seriously, if anyone out there is missing their right arm or knows someone who is, I mean absolutely no disrespect. Just musing on the realities…)

Actually, I have lived without the use of my right arm for the most part when I had a frozen shoulder. Remember that? My gratitude for my right arm has increased tenfold since then. Although I did retain some of the dexterity I gained from having to be left-handed. And oh! the sleep deprivation when my shoulder was frozen! I’ve never known such pain!

So I guess I’ve answered my own question. Would I give my right arm for sleep? Apparently not.

Thanks, stream of consciousness writing.

If you, too, would like to see what lengths you’d go to (or not) in order to get what you want, click the following link and join in! It’s free! https://lindaghill.com/2017/07/28/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-2917/


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One-Liner Wednesday – He’s at it yet again

This phone conversation between myself and my best friend, John, is a week old, but I saved it:

Me: I stabbed myself in the wrist today. With a steak knife.

John: Oh no! Are you okay?

Me: Yeah. I missed the vein by a couple of millimetres.

John: How did you do it?

Me: I was opening a box of my novels with a steak knife. It slipped and I almost killed myself.

John: You know, they’ll sell for a lot more if you’re dead.

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If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion


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#SoCS – Bizarre Bazaar

One of the books I’m reading right now is The Bazaar of Bad Dreams by Stephen King. I remember the first time I looked at the title, I wondered if he was talking about bizarre bad dreams because these two words cause a glitch somewhere in my noggin’ that makes me not know which is which. Or which has which meaning. If I think about it for a few seconds, I remember which is witch; I’m sure people all over have those words.

Did you see what I did back there? It was deliberate. Honest.

I wonder if it was some kind of witchery that made whoever came up with the English language (or any language?) invent words that sound the same that are spelled differently. You know, just to confuse us. Someone who, one day, was at a bazaar maybe and picked up a clementine and a tangerine and thought, “Well that’s bizarre. Two fruits that look the same and taste almost the same but have different names. I can come up with a language that’s that confounding!” And so English was born. From a little orange. Which is something else altogether.

And that’s the sort of post you get from Linda when she’s tired. 😛 Because really, she loves making up stories. They just sort of … fall out. Or leak out through her fingertips. Why the hell am I referring to myself in third person all of a sudden? It’s like I’m not me. Sometimes when I write fiction, I’m not me. I disappear and stuff comes out of me. Bizarre, isn’t it? Stuff of words and language and characters and sometimes it’s like I’m being taken over by something outside of me, something that guides me. Sounds scary, but it’s not. It’s freeing.

I wonder if this is how horror writers write. To think up something that we’d never do takes a certain je ne sais quoi. I know this because I write horror, but when I started this paragraph, I was thinking about Stephen King, who started this whole idea for a post in the first place. Damn it, Stephen! Yeah, I know it’s not his fault, but what to do?

But back to the whole “how am I able to come up with horror ideas that I’d never do in real life” question. I think it comes from fear. Fear of having things done to us by others who are capable of them. And with a vivid imagination comes a lot of fears, I’m afraid. Ha! I’m afraid. Get it?

Probably time for bed.

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link and join in! And while you’re there, check out some of the other posts in the comments. https://lindaghill.com/2017/07/14/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-1517/

 


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I Could Have Died!

When someone famous (I thought it was Hemingway; upon investigation, I found that it could have originated from numerous people) said something like writing is easy: just bleed on the page, I don’t think they were talking about bleeding on the book after it’s written. But I almost did that today.

My friendly local UPS man came to my door with the first of two boxes of my books. I signed for it and hurried into the kitchen for a knife to open it. That was my first mistake.

As I sliced open the box, the knife slipped and I stabbed myself, millimeters away from the vein in my wrist.

It doesn’t look like much, but it’s deep.

So if you want to buy a copy of my book, for pity’s sake please buy it directly from Amazon and not from me! You may never get to read Book 2!!

There were only six books in this box – when I get the other 44, I promise to try to avoid slitting my throat. 😉

 


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One-Liner Wednesday – The Trees Have Eyes

This one even has a favourite hockey team:I love my neighbourhood.

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If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion


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#SoCS – Picky

I’m a bit of a perfectionist. Which is an oxymoron in and of itself, because how can you be an imperfect perfectionist? I suppose what it comes down to is some things I absolutely insist on getting perfect and some things I can say it’s good enough and leave it. But not without a lot of internal finger wagging.

I have to wonder how much of my perfectionism I’ve handed down to my kids. It’s really a bit of a disservice, when you think about it. Our kids inherit our fears, our dislikes, our prejudices, and yes, our insistence on getting things right. At least some of our kids do. I suppose it depends on whether you see perfectionism as a positive or a negative.

As I typed the above list of things that our kids inherit, I tried–I really tried–to write something positive, like our love of music or our appreciation for having a clean house, but these things are not always so. Yes, sometimes our kids inherit our positive traits somewhere down the line, but it’s more often they inherit the negative ones. I wonder why that is.

But I digress. Is perfectionism a positive thing or a negative one? I’m thinking it’s positive until it gets in the way of having a sound mind. I can drive myself crazy trying to get something right. But once it’s there, I’m happy with it. It’s a relief.  There also comes a point when I know I’m just being picky, which may or may not be a positive thing. It’s easier to let go of a picky point than a perfectionist point.

This picky post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link and join in: it’s fun!! https://lindaghill.com/2017/07/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-817/

Have you picked up my new book, The Magician’s Curse yet? I now have three rave reviews and one pretty good one on Amazon.com. Check it out and please take a chance on an indie author!

(Note: In the online preview, the formatting (tabs and spaces between paragraphs) is off in a few places. The copy for sale does not reflect this. I’m working on getting the “Look Inside” fixed.)

On Kindle and in paperback:
Amazon US
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
and Amazon where ever else you are in the world, as well as
Kobo worldwide.


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#SoCS – Insanity Reigns

Well, I’ll give myself a pat on the back. This is two weeks in a row that I’ve missed my own prompt on the day it was supposed to be posted. My excuse this week is insanity.

It’s funny. I’ve been driving myself nuts with all the preparations and advertising and stuff for my book, and what have I been wishing for? Those nice, calm days when I was busy editing someone else’s work. Which is crazy for me, because normally I’m not happy unless I’m writing. Somehow I must know this, even when I’m not conscious of it and you wanna know how I know? Because I signed up for July’s NaNoWriMo camp.

Because I have nothing better to do. HA!

I’m totally rambling tonight. Can you tell? And I haven’t even been drinking. Not since the cup of coffee I had at dinner, at least. I did just put a bottle of white wine in the freezer so I can have some before bed though. Kind of insane, if you ask me.

I should probably rein in all this craziness. But that’s me. I can’t stop challenging myself and I have no idea why. It’s almost as though if I slow down, I’ll waste away to nothing. So I just keep piling it on. I may just explode one day. Though I should probably implode – less messy. And the last thing I need is more housework on top of everything else.

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday on Sunday morning because I’m such a rebel. Click here for details: https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2017/06/23/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-2417/


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One-Liner Wednesday – Bike Path

I would still need hip waders to walk on the waterfront underwater trail.

Wasn’t it the Creature from the Black Lagoon who walks sadly back into the water? That would be me.

____________________________________________________________________________

If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, like Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a pingback from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion


by 32 Comments

#SoCS – Seek A Sign

I have two things I want to post today but I’ve been procrastinating since I got up while I tried to choose which one to post first. The two things are (or were) this SoCS post and my cover reveal for my new novel, The Magician’s Curse. As you might have guessed by now, I decided to grace you with this gem first. 😛 (I do think a lot of myself, don’t I?)

While I was dithering deciding, I was looking for a sign to tell me which order to post them in. I do that a lot – look for signs.

Forgive me if you’ve heard his one before – even if you have, it bears repeating. A whole bunch of years ago, while I was feeling sorry for myself because I was alone, I was looking for a sign that I wouldn’t be forever lonely. I used to do automatic writing back then, which isn’t really that much different than letting a character guide my writing when I’m penning a book. It seems to come from nowhere. Outside of the worldly realm. Whatever. Anyway, I don’t remember the exact details, but I wrote something like, watch for signs passing by. It made no sense whatsoever – you pass by signs on the road, not the other way around. At least that’s what I was thinking.

Then the next day I was driving somewhere, diligently looking at all the signs, when I looked up just before I drove under a bridge that crossed the road. There going across above me was a city truck full of road signs. Made me laugh – it’s something I’ll probably never forget.

By now you’re probably wondering what the sign was that made me post this before the cover of the book you’ve been waiting for since I first mentioned writing it four years ago when I started this blog. My sign was the dog wagging his tail in his sleep while I thought of writing this. Not as spectacular as signs passing by on the road, but I’ll take what I can get.

Watch out for my new cover, would you? Thanks. 🙂 Drumroll please…

This post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link and see how you can join in! https://lindaghill.com/2017/06/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-1717/