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JusJoJan 6 – Vacations Are Fun

I’m at a crossroads, of sorts, in regards to my son, Alex, and his behaviour. Keeping in mind that it’s 5:46am and I’ve had two hours of sleep all night, I’m writing this here as both a way to get it in black and white so I can see the problem from a different perspective, and to put the conundrum out there in hopes that someone else has gone through something similar. My hopes aren’t too high.

First, the history: To say that Alex has a hard time making decisions is a gross understatement. When trying to choose, for instance, between staying home to play a game or come with me to the grocery store, he’ll change his mind at least a dozen times. He’ll get dressed and then completely undressed; he’ll whine, cry, scratch his head a lot – it’s utter torture. I have, however, reduced it from a half hour ordeal to, “I’m leaving, if you want to come with me, be ready before I walk out the door.” As a result the process now only takes five minutes.

He also suffers with the occasional insomnia, and for the past week he’s been combining the lack of decision-making skills with lack of sleep. The fact that there are two single beds in his room has never been a problem before. When my mother comes to visit on the weekends, she sleeps in his room and he’s quite happy with that deal. Only for a week now he can’t decide which bed he wants to sleep in. At approximately 2:30 every morning since before New Year’s Eve, he’s been doing the whining, crying, head-scratching routine. It’s torture for both of us, and it goes on for a couple of hours each night. I tried hanging a calendar in his room and striking up a deal with him that he sleeps one month in one bed and the next in the other. That worked for one night – coincidentally it was the same night he didn’t have a choice because Nanny was in the other bed.

So. I’m faced with a dilemma. Do I go to all the trouble of taking the extra bed out of his room?

On the surface it seems to be the logical thing to do.

Except: there is still the communication barrier thing going on. Not being completely fluent in my own son’s language – American Sign Language – I never really completely know if he understands the consequences of his actions before they happen. It’s always that one word I’m missing: “If you don’t get ready now, I’m leaving without you.” I will temporarily lose from my addled brain the sign for ‘without.’ Or, “If you don’t stay in one bed all night, I’m going to move the other bed out.” Is he getting that I’m going to move the bed? Or does he think I’m going to let him sleep in another room? Even if I turn the sentence around and keep it positive, I have the same problem. Aside from sleeping in his room, which is exactly what he wants me to do and will ensure that I’ll never sleep in my own bed again, I can’t keep him in bed at night. In the past I’ve been able to demonstrate what I mean. Like during the period when he decided to turn the television on in his room at 2am. I tried to explain to him that if he didn’t leave it off I’d take it out of the room, and when that didn’t work, I took it out of the room. He got it after that. Moving a bed, box spring and mattress down four flights of stairs is a rather more difficult undertaking.

So, my next thought was, tip the bed on its side and leave it where it is. Only that would be an all new brand of hell for my little darling and his OCD.

I know I need to ask his school for help. At this point his teacher is already practically living my life for me in regards to making sure he does as he’s told at home. They, unlike me, know how to explain things to him in no uncertain terms. It’s easy to see how vacations from school become nightmares at home.

Before you ask, there is no support for hearing parents to learn sign language for their Deaf children in the area.

Oh, and I just found out there’s no school today because of flash freezing. Oh joy.

Any suggestions, hugs, or paid-in-full Caribbean vacations can be left in the comment box and will be gratefully received.

Post on your site, and join Just Jot it January. The rules are easy!


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A Thank You and a Reminder

I wanted to post a thank you to each and every one who followed my fiction blog after last night’s post. A plate of your favourite cookies will arrive via Santa’s hungover reindeer within the week.

Also, I wanted to say thank you to everyone participating in Just Jot it January – I didn’t think it would be this popular! Don’t forget to link back to the rules post here: https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/jusjojan-1-the-rules-are-easy/ for a guaranteed view from me and likely from everyone else participating. And don’t forget, it’s never too late to join. It’s a guaranteed follow from me if you do. Of course the best part of all is that it encourages us all to write! And that’s what we’re here for, right?

I love you guys!


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So the Like Button isn’t working, WordPress!

I’ve had 15 likes on my previous post, but only one is showing up. I only know this because I have notifications in my email that people have ‘liked’ it.

Also, I have been the ‘first to like’ every post I’ve clicked the button on all day.

So if you don’t have email notifications, don’t worry. People really do like your posts. It’s a WordPress glitch.


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Is It Just Me?

Is it just me or does it seem like this is the worst time of year for colds? Every year at Christmas time, someone in my family gets sick. It’s awful when it’s me, because I’m the one everyone counts on to do all the shopping, the wrapping, and the cooking, on top of everything else. This year (knock on wood) it’s not me though. It’s Alex, my little guy.

If it’s just a cold, I’ll be able to keep him home. It’ll be rough, with sleepless nights and plenty of whining, but we’ll make it. If it’s the flu, off to the hospital we’ll go for a nice leisurely stay (for him, he loves the hospital) and for me it’ll be running back and forth for this and that, because they don’t have the equipment to feed him, they can’t get the formula he drinks, and they can’t make up his medicine without the recipe. They also don’t have his size in diapers. Oh, and of course they don’t have sign language interpreters, and none of the nurses, nor any of the doctors (so far) know American Sign Language. It’s loads of fun for Alex – he laughs at them when they try to sign to him – unless he’s very sick, and then I receive phone calls in the middle of the night asking for translations.

But I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I? I certainly hope so. Wish us luck!


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EDDD 20 – All I Want – World Peace

It’s Day Five of “All I Want,” and today I’d like to ask what you would do to make the world a better place, if you could.

The wish for world peace, to feed the hungry, to end poverty and abuse, and to rid the planet of disease is an ideal for many of us. Some have a favourite charity; many like me find it hard to decide on just one.

We’ve all heard the adage, ‘Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, but teach a man to fish and he’ll feed himself for a lifetime.’ Given this, I’ve pondered what, if I could teach enough people, would make a difference in the world. I came up with one idea.

I would teach people to choose their battles wisely – to not sweat the small stuff, so to speak. For instance, if something someone is doing isn’t going to hurt anyone, simply let them get on with it in their own way. On a purely domestic level I believe to do so would create peace and harmony in homes, in neighbourhoods, and in towns and cities. To teach people to live and let live may not end wars, but it would certainly make many places in the world a better place to live.

What would you do, if you could, to make the world a better place? Would you teach the world a skill? Would you build a shelter in your own neighbourhood for people who need it?

I want to hear from you.

Blog post of December 20th, in honour of Every Damn Day December. Check it out!


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A Special Thank You

A fool once told me, after I started blogging, that it was useless to think the ‘like’ button on WordPress was anything but a way for others to make me read their work. She told me that the comments I received were worthless. Drivel. Dishonest. That I couldn’t believe anything but that which was brutal, because praise was purely selfish. Her disdain for those she wishes to attract to her own blog is indefensible. It’s no wonder she allows no comments on her site.

This is how I first learned to blog.

I’m overjoyed to have learned the opposite of what I was told. I have made some true friends on WordPress, since I began writing here. I’ve found kindness and acceptance. I’ve found people with whom I share things in common. I’ve laughed with you, I’ve cried for you; I’ve found more honesty here at WordPress than I could possibly have hoped for. I’ve found brilliant insight, read fantastic rants, and taken in beautifully creative fiction and poetry.

Each and every one of you are so dear to me. You’ve helped me find confidence in myself, and many of you have allowed me into your lives. I am so very grateful.

Thank you, so very much to all my readers. WordPress has gifted me with a truly valuable community. I don’t know what I’d do without you all.

Thank you.

Linda


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EDDD 6 – Listen To Your Heart

“Listen to your heart.” What does it mean?

It’s a phrase we hear all the time. Songs have been sung, people pass it off as words of wisdom to the forlorn and the heartbroken. I found it in my horoscope today. The sentence before it stated that my emotions must not be ignored.

As advice, it sounds pretty. It lends to the imagination the idea that our hearts speak to us and can guide us on which way to go when we are unsure. But when we listen to our hearts, must we necessarily go in the direction we really want? Or does it mean that we should do what we know is right?

I wonder if cardiologists everywhere roll their eyes whenever they hear the phrase spoken aloud?

Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump…

Blog post of December 6th, in honour of Every Damn Day December. Check it out! It’s not too late to join in!


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Word Press Views and What I’ve Discovered

It’s been a week since I posted Getting Views is Like Pulling Teeth in which I complained that since the reader went all to hell my view count has gone down, so I thought I’d post a follow-up on the conclusions I’ve come to.

As Chris McMullen (http://chrismcmullen.wordpress.com/) pointed out, the new pop-up window in the reader does seem to provide us with what counts as a view. I know this because I’m now getting as many views as I am ‘likes.’ This is something they’ve fixed recently, obviously, because last week when I posted, I wasn’t. I’d be happy to know if anyone else is finding the same result.

But at the same time I’m finding my views per visitor as dropped substantially and I think this is really where the problem lies. While it’s great to have lots of views for the post we just published, the pop-up window still discourages people from visiting our sites, from following, and from seeing what else we have to offer. It’s especially damaging for those of us who are selling something on our websites, particularly if we’ve paid for the site in order to do just that.

I encourage everyone who has a problem with this to complain.  Here is the link to the forum which discusses it: http://en.forums.wordpress.com/topic/reader-changed?replies=284

They have already addressed the issue of my initial complaint, (not to me personally) which was to please put the word count back in the reader for each post. If you click on the word count, now that it’s back, you bypass the pop-up window and go straight to the original site. If you click on the title of the post, you get the pop-up window. However, if the post is short and doesn’t have any more words than fit in the reader preview, it’s obviously not an option – you just get the pop-up.

I did change my reader view to “Read full post…” and I believe that has helped my view count at least. You can do this by going here, and I quote: “In your dashboard go to Settings/Reading and then scroll down to “For each article in a feed, show”. Select either Full Text or Summary.” Thanks to mewhoami (http://mewhoami.wordpress.com/) for this tip.

Anyone who is still following this thread and is still interested in this topic, I’d love to know if you’ve made or seen any changes in the past week and have come to the same conclusions, or if you plan to write and mention your dissatisfaction with this awful ‘improvement’, in the forums. I think the more we talk about this issue with Word Press, the more we’re likely to have something done about it.

Thanks very much for being on board with me on this. 🙂


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11/16 – Yesterday’s News – Shopping

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It’s happening everywhere – the big box stores move in and Main Street shuts down. Woe to the little guy; the family who spent generations building up a business watches helplessly as it falls flat in the face of Wal-Mart. Even Zellers, a staple in the Canadian landscape of department stores, where things could be had for relative cheap has, quite literally died as a result of being a target – the stores that didn’t close up became Targets.

While we, as the consumer, are reminded that these ‘little guys’ are struggling, it’s difficult to resist the lure of the mall, or the big bright flyers of the giants. Christmas, the season that should be a boon when it comes to surviving the costs of running a shop, is no longer a source of greater income. After all, if we have the choice between walking around an enclosed space to find everything we need, rather than wading through slush and braving the cold to go from store to specialty store, the solution is rather a no-brainer, especially if we have kids in tow who would prefer to go to Toys ‘r’ Us.

In yesterday’s newspaper, there was an article about how my city is encouraging retailers to open up shop in the over-abundant real estate that sits vacant along our main drag. In the interest of keeping the 99% of us from going under, this may be only a small thing to consider… or is it?

I think more needs to be done about keeping the ‘little guy’ in business all over North America. Is your city doing anything? Are you? I’d be interested to hear.


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10/16 – Yesterday’s News – Caring

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The article in yesterday’s newspaper that caught my eye was about a community group which takes disabled adults (over age 16) on outings. The sentence in the article that sparked my interest in particular said, “Without our programs, some of these individuals would be staying at home so it helps reduce the risk of isolation for the parents and caregivers as well as the participants.”  That got me thinking.

The first thing that comes to my mind when someone mentions ‘caregiver’s isolation’ is simply the fact that when they’re stuck at home caring for someone who is disabled, they just don’t go out. But it goes so far beyond that.

As a parent of disabled children I find it hard to have discussions with parents of “normal” children, because we have so little in common. Even people who aren’t parents of kids the same age as mine (for instance, if they’re grown up and moved out) have a hard time relating to me. Whether they assume because my kids aren’t like theirs, they can’t possibly have any of the same tendencies, or whether they’re afraid of being told that their problems can’t possibly be as bad as mine, I”m not sure. Maybe it’s both. Therefore, I try not to talk about myself much. When they are kind enough to ask me about myself, no matter how nonchalant I am about the way I live, telling anyone about my kids is a slow death towards being a conversation stopper. Occasionally they’ll mention a niece, or a neighbour who has a similar circumstance, or they’ll ask me questions about the health of my children, but when I’ve said all there is to say, if I don’t quickly find something other than the weather to talk about, (and it’s always up to me to find something, because no one knows quite where to go after being told about my kids) then it’s game over. In fact, come to think of it, it shuts people up about as fast as telling a stranger I’m writing a novel. Think about that for a while.

Having said all that, I’ve been invited out tonight with my next door neighbour and six of her closest friends for dinner, none of whom I have met before. As long as I can keep the conversation away from my kids, I should be fine. But of course someone is bound to ask me what I do for a living…

My point is, the isolation parents and caregivers of the disabled experience isn’t necessarily as clear-cut as it sounds. So next time you come across a single, stay-at-home mom of disabled children, or a novelist for that matter, don’t be afraid to look beyond what’s apparent.