Life in progress

Category Archives: Funny


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One-Liner Wednesday – One Filament Short of a Lightbulb

onefilamentshort

I got a few strange looks from the other customers in the store when I took this picture but it was too good to pass up.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!

 


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How Do You Do Tired?

Now that I’ve finally caught up on my comments I’m allowing myself to post. Except… I can’t think of anything to write. Add the fact that I’m so tired that if tired was an animal, my tired would be an elephant. And it would be sitting on my lap. Do you have any idea what it’s like trying to type with an elephant on your lap? Ugh. He just farted.

This is how my family can tell when I’m exhausted. I either go hairy and bounce off the walls until someone placates me with either a cup of coffee or a glass of wine (depending on what time of the day it is… though if I’m honest I’ll take the wine any time) or I get creatively silly.

How ’bout you? Do you scream everyone around you into complete jelly-bowls of submission when you’re tired? Do you giggle until your insides hurt and your bloodshot eyes are ready to walk up the stairs to bed without you? How do your loved-ones know you’re tired?


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One-Liner Wednesday – Amusing Nonsense

On being asked, “What do you get when you cross an elephant with a duck?” siriusbizinus answered
“Either a sticky duck or a disappointed elephant.”

I laughed so hard I had to make this today’s one-liner Wednesday. Thanks, siriusbizinus, for the laugh!

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Finding Flounder

Aside from the fact that I can’t usually find a thing I’m looking for in my house if I haven’t seen it in the previous two days (okay, that’s an exaggeration, but the frustration makes it feel that way) most of my lost things lately have been inside my own head.

Concentration. It’s what it all comes down to. Having a thousand things go through my head at once (disclaimer: this post will include many exaggerations. And by many I mean about a million or so.) is conductive to forgetting everything. For instance, twice this morning on my paper route I walked past a house I was supposed to deliver to because I have my novel in my head. A particular scene that I’ve been pondering… can’t remember now which one…

Too many people to take care of, (the last of which is ALWAYS me (exaggeration)) too little money to do all the crazy things my kids demand of me (i.e. taking the bus to the mall which costs $500 each way compared to driving the car which costs only pennies) (guess which one of those is an exaggeration. Right. The pennies one.), and where was I… Oh yeah. Not having enough time to write and edit, and read and CREATE! That’s gotta be the worst because it’s what keeps me sane. So I create in my head while I’m supposed to be doing other things. Like delivering the paper. And running red lights. And floundering around like a beached fish, gasping for air and dying… dying … dyin… dyi… d.

I’m such a drama queen this morning. Time to find some sense in it all.

 

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

This post is part of SoCS. For the prompt and everything you need to know to join in, click here! https://lindaghill.com/2014/10/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-october-414/


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One-Liner Wednesday – NaNo?

Answer to the question, “What am I going to do in November?”:
“Well, you could grow a moustache, but writing a book might be easier.”

Thanks, John.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are as follows:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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SoCS – The Opposite of Average

I never did like averages. When they say, “the average age is between (this) and (that)” it always made me think about those who made the average what it is. For instance, the average is between 25 and 50. What about the 10s and the 75s? Nobody ever thinks about them, because they’re not in the average – but they’re just as important in making the average as anything else.

In sports I always root for the underdog. It’s why I’m a Toronto Maple Leafs fan. You remember them? The famous golfers? They’re always the first out on the greens every season. Haha. (They’re going to win the cup next year, by the way.)

I can see the appeal in being considered average. Having two special needs kids, the word “normal” has a unique set of meanings to me – and no, my kids are not average. In some ways they’re far above.

And I certainly don’t want my epic novel to be average. It’s gonna shine.

So what’s the opposite of the word “average”? Is it unique? Is it special? Is it simply “outside the norm”? Underdog? Is there one?

A werewolf and a vampire go into a bar. The vampire orders a glass of red. The werewolf eats the bartender. The vampire says, “Next time, I’m buying.”

I have no idea where that came from, other than somewhere inside my (opposite of average) brain. Thank you very much.

 

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Find this week’s prompt at the link and join in! https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-september-2014/


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SoCS – I Know Funny

My dad had a fantastic sense of humour. Very dry, very British. One of his favourite things to do was string people along with a story. He once, at a party, had one of his friends convinced that he had an awful disease, only to deliver the punchline minutes later that it was the “Dreaded Lurgie.” It’s a wonder anyone ever took him seriously. He also had a habit of making me spit my tea through my nose on a nightly basis. My mother wasn’t impressed.

It’s something I inherited–that sense of humour–though I don’t tend to torture people. I love making people laugh. I’m actually pretty good at delivering some kind of punchline just before I walk out a door. Always leave ’em laughing. And so naturally my kids have inherited it too. My ex, their father, has a great wit about him. My eldest son, Fred, was on the improv team in high school and the other two, with all their special needs, are sometimes the funniest people I know. Chris, as a matter of fact, just last night was singing “Hellfire” from the movie Hunchback of Notre Dame in the voice of Mickey Mouse, liberally replacing odd words with the words, “chicken” and “clubhouse.” He ended up sounding like Ethel Merman.

Alex is just a ham. This isn’t him at his best, but you get the idea. Especially the bit at the end. It’s a pirate hat, by the way.

Often I use their sense of humour to my advantage. Before a situation can get out of hand I’ll try to make them laugh, and usually it works.

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is open for everyone to participate. Learn how, here!


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Adventures on my Paper Route – Nosehair is Growing Up!

I realize many of my current followers weren’t around for the introduction of Nosehair–or actually The Tree Formerly Known As Nosehair–so I’ll provide a little background.

It all started with a tree that I walk past daily on my paper route who has a face. This is Nosehair when he actually had a nosehair:

Nosehair

Nosehair

You can read about Nosehair and his subsequent plucking here: https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2013/07/25/adventures-on-my-paper-route-angry-birds-and-a-plucking/

Then, drama happened. An evil nemesis (who I tidily named “Nemesis”) from the city came to cut down some of The Tree Formerly Known As Nosehair’s friends! It was a terrible time. I managed to speak to this evil city employee, but he was evasive about his plans. You can read about it here: https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/adventures-on-my-paper-route-is-it-ironic-or-are-they-just-drumming-up-business/

Since that time the neighbourhood has been mostly quiet. I have a little chat with The Tree Formerly Known As Nosehair most days as I walk by. I’m sure the people who live in the house he stands in front of think I’m a little nuts, but the squirrels like me.

So where is this all leading to? The news! The Tree Formerly Known As Nosehair has his first tooth!

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His first tooth!

Doesn’t he look handsome? *sniff sniff* My baby’s growing up!


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Why, Thank You (Daily Prompt)

Still the best backhanded compliment I’ve ever received:

My best friend John, to me: “It’s nice having you or someone intelligent to talk to once in a while.”

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/why-thank-you/

What’s the best (or rather, worst) backhanded compliment you’ve ever received? If you can’t think of any — when’s the last time someone paid you a compliment you didn’t actually deserve?


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One-Liner Wednesday – Theoretically…

The quickest way to a man’s heart really is through his stomach, because then you don’t have to chop through that pesky rib cage.
– J. Jacques

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself for “One-Liner Wednesday” are as follows:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!