Life in progress

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Missing – #SoCS

I’m cold. I miss the warmer weather. Funny, I remember missing the colder weather when it was hot outside. Those of us who enjoy spring and fall spend most of the year in a state of discontentedness.  (Why is that not a word, spellcheck?) Discontent. That’s better.

When I came up with this prompt I was thinking about how Paul Curran went missing online. It’s very easy to just up and disappear from the internet. Much easier than it is, say, to go missing from home. When you go missing from home you’ve got to find somewhere else to go. I know – I try to go missing often. Not that I want to worry anyone, but it seems the only way I can get any writing done. So I go out, to restaurants and coffee shops. But then I have to buy something. Going missing can be very expensive. And fattening too. Potentially.

It’s hard to dismiss thoughts of one who has gone missing. You might wonder where they are, how they’re doing, whether or not they’re thinking of you. And waiting – oh waiting for someone to come home is the worst, isn’t it? Even if you know where they are and that they’re on their way. I suppose it’s much easier to know such things in this age, with cell phones. Way way back when I was a girl ( 😛 ) and there were no such things as portable phones, waiting was insufferable. If someone wasn’t at home there was no way to reach them. Back then you didn’t know if they’d gone missing or not until they showed up.

My grammar sucks sometimes when I write stream of consciousness… it’s positively gone missing.

This likely misstake of a post is part of SoCS. Find it here and join in today!

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One-Liner Wednesday – They Lied!

In downtown Shibuya, Tokyo, there are small transport trailers driving the streets with advertising for musical groups, plastered with pictures and songs blasting. I saw one such truck last week, promoting the band “One Direction.” When I saw it twice, the second time going the other way, I called bullshit.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Have fun!


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Writing vs. Parenting: A Handy Comparison

Everything is connected.

One of my favorite quotes comes from the illustrious Neil deGrasse Tyson:

We are part of this universe; we are in this universe, but perhaps more important than both of those facts, is that the universe is in us.

The underlying truth? The molecules, the bits and pieces that make you up, were present at the moment of the universe’s creation; they’ve just been rearranged millions of times over to cast you as the imperfect robot that you are. And that means, in a sort of beautiful way, that all things are connected. And if all the things are connected, that means all the things we do are connected.

Here, then, are 11 ways that writing is like parenting, and — more obviously — 11 ways in which they aren’t alike at all. Why 11? Why not just pick the top ten and go with those like a normal, order-conscious human?

Because this list goes to eleven.

 

Writing is like Parenting a Toddler

  1. You birth your creation, for all intents and purposes, out of sheer will and a bit of sweat.
  2. Either one is a good way to find out who you really are.
  3. Your creation will occasionally wake you up in the middle of the night for a bit of attention.
  4. You will find that your creation wanders into your thoughts without prompting at all hours of the day, regardless of whether you’re directly involved with it, or if it’s even around at the time.
  5. You will spend an inordinate amount of time cleaning up messes that your creation has made: dangling or unresolved plot lines, refrigerator empties onto the floor, characters behaving badly, toilet paper unspooled all over the house and watered with cranberry juice…
  6. Sometimes the best thing to do for your creation is to take it for a walk and get it some fresh air.
  7. Pretty much anybody can write a story or become a parent just by deciding they want to do it. Or sometimes even by accident.
  8. But writing a good story, much like raising a good kid, requires a heck of a lot more planning, thought, and hours than you can probably conceive of at the outset.
  9. Your story, like your toddler, will seem to have unexplainable mood swings all its own; you have to learn how to weather the storm.
  10. When it’s going well, you feel absolutely bulletproof.
  11. When it’s going poorly, you feel eaten by sharks.

Writing is not at all like Parenting a Toddler

  1. It’s pretty unlikely that any problem involving your child can be solved with any amount of ink or word processing power. In fact, adding ink to a situation involving your child is probably a recipe for disaster.
  2. Your story will never literally barf in your shoes.
  3. Or dunk your favorite tie in the toilet.
  4. Or paint with salsa on the carpet.
  5. Society is pretty forgiving to writers who drink. In a lot of cases, writers are almost expected to drink; it’s part of their craft. Parents, on the other hand…
  6. New parents get a free pass to show off pictures and talk about their kids at every opportunity. Nobody wants to see or hear about a writer’s unfinished story.
  7. If your story gets on your nerves, you can shut it down and forget about it entirely for a few days.
  8. Your story will only grow and improve with your active participation. Your kid will grow and learn things entirely on her own. (Usually the wrong things, if you’re not careful.)
  9. Your story probably won’t throw a tantrum in the toy aisle of the Target, earning you the sympathetic glances of fellow writers and the disapproving stares of non-writers.
  10. You only get to pick your kid’s name once.
  11. If you screw your story up, you can throw it out and rewrite it from scratch as many times as you want.

There you have it. A perfectly scientific comparison of two things that totally make sense together. Bear this information in mind when you’re deciding whether you would rather be a writer or a parent. Because you obviously can’t do both at the same time.


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NanoPoblano Day 18 – …okay, not really. But there’s coffee!

Saying it’s been a rough couple of days is an understatement of mammoth proportions. But the time’s finally here: I’m packed (almost) and just about ready to wake up to a day of traveling. By this time tomorrow night I’ll be a little more than half-way across the Pacific Ocean on my way to sunny (or actually, according to the forecast probably rainy) Tokyo. I’ve mapped out my route from the train station to the hotel this time, so no more wandering the streets until my legs threaten to fall off.

Since I won’t be around for a while, I thought I’d post this tonight. It’s something you can all discuss amongst yourselves in the comments. The subject is coffee. Who doesn’t love coffee? (That’s not what I want to discuss, but if you have to… just try not to get into any fights, okay? Some of us are pretty passionate about our caffeinated beverages.)

What I’m really interested in is how you all go about ordering coffee. In Japan you ask for “kohi” (pronounced almost like coffee) but I was warned that if I don’t want something I can suspend a spoon in, I should always request an “American kohi.” So there’s that.

Last time I was in London, I ordered a coffee and they asked me if I wanted it “black” or “white.” … coffee’s black, right? So I ordered black. The look I got when I asked for cream could have backed up a parked truck. I was told off that I should have ordered it “white” in the first place. Lesson learned.

Here in Canada on the other hand, we ask more for what we want IN our coffee than we actually order coffee. If you walk into a Tim Horton’s and ask for a “double-double,” they’ll give you a cup of steamy deliciousness with two shots of cream and two spoonsfull of sugar. There’s no question that what you want is coffee – everyone wants coffee! Right? Right. Of course Starbucks is a different story altogether. No matter what country you’re in, if you don’t brush up on your Italian at the door you can expect a tutorial before you empty your wallet.

What about where you live? Or where you’ve traveled to? Talk about it with each other and I’ll read all your anecdotes the next time I go online… IN JAPAN!!

See you on the flipside!

NanoPoblano’s a blast even if you cheat – check it out!

nanopoblano2015dark


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NanoPoblano Day 11 – A Bucket of Sludge

If exhaustion was a bucket, mine would be filled with the sludge from the bottom of Loch Ness, where the monster has been pooping for centuries.

If exhaustion was Lego, mine would be a minefield on the floor between me and the bed and not a shoe in sight.

If exhaustion was light, mine would have the intensity of the sun. The sun four feet away from my living room window and me without my sunglasses.

If exhaustion was a beverage, mine would be lemon juice. A pure, squeezed, warm bottomless cup.

If exhaustion was a calculator, mine would be the internet. Google, in particular.

If exhaustion was a blog post, maybe this would actually make sense.

Did I mention I’m tired? I’ll catch up on all the one-liners and comments tomorrow. G’night, WordPress friends. 🙂

nanopoblano2015dark

This less-than-energetic post is brought to you by the good folks at NanoPoblano. Click and enjoy!


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One-Liner Wednesday – A Cup of Cheer

Went into Starbucks last night – no one asked the cashier to write “Merry Christmas” on their cup instead of their name. I’m wondering if I can go back and say my name is “Snowflake” without cracking a smile.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below. Please ensure that the One-Liner Wednesday you’re pinging back to is this week’s! Otherwise, no one will likely see it but me.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS), if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

Unlike SoCS, this is not a prompt so there’s no need to stick to the same “theme.”

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Have fun!


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Cat Pictures – #SoCS

Have you ever seen so many cat pictures in your life as you’ve seen since Facebook came into being?

What?

What?

Of course not. They seem to be the world’s favourite animal now. When I was growing up I loved horses; I still do, I suppose. But they’re not all I think about the way I did before I had kids. I suppose my kids are my new horses… Yeah, stream of consciousness.

I still notice many little girls are saying horses are their favourite animal. But let’s face it, horses are something you’ve got to get off Facebook to spend time with, unlike cats. Horses don’t sit on your keyboard when you’re trying to type, so that’s a plus. And you can’t ride a cat. At least not a house cat. You could ride a lion, and you’d have something to hold onto. A mane. Hey, horses have manes. Did you know horses and cats have something in common? They both lay their ears back when they’re mad. They’ll both bite when you get them upset enough… but horses don’t scratch. They both need their nails trimmed though.

This is getting out of hand. Catapult me outta here.

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. You can join in too!

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NanoPoblano Day 6 – It’s not just for kicks!

It’s a bit of a no-brainer – we all need the internet. Right? I mean, it’s a basic necessity, right there near the bottom of the pyramid that is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. So what if we’re in Japan and, say, our WiFi doesn’t work in our hotel room? This was my Japanese lesson for today, so it will also be yours.

WiFi o shigoto o shimasen* (Wifi o shee-go-to o shee-mass-en) -keep in mind the “o” is always long.

Translation: Wifi doesn’t work. This phrase will obviously be accompanied by much red-faced hair-pulling jumping up and down, whilst gently cradling your laptop in one arm. I’ll leave you for a while to picture this…

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…

So as I was saying, if such a thing occurs, and you manage to get your point across, chances are the person manning the front desk (assuming they don’t call the police on the crazy lady/man with the portable computer) will hand you your very own modem to plug in in your room, giving you the best WiFi you’ve probably ever experienced.

Conclusion: This phrase is definitely worth learning.

*I’m learning Japanese – if this is wrong PLEASE let me know. I don’t want to pull my hair out (or worse) for nothing.

nanopoblano2015dark

This essential post has been brought to you in conjunction with Nano Poblano. Try it, for a healthy diet!


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NanoPoblano Day 5 – It’s not Alaska

It’s the fifth day of the nifty challenge, Nano Poblano, and we’re back on track with our next Japanese lesson. Today there will be greetings. But not just any greetings; today we will practice saying “Good morning.” Translated: “Ohayou gozaimasu.”

I’m going to do this kind of like one would play charades, in that we’ll start with the second word, only because I’m not sure quite what it means but it keeps showing up in polite conversation. “Gozaimasu” (go-za-i-mass) is also stuck on the end of “Thank you very much,” so it’s gotta be important, right? So with that out of the way…

The first word in the Japanese phrase for “Good morning” is “Ohayou” (o-ha-yo). It’s pronounced like “Ohio” in the good old U. S. of A. Ohayou gozaimasu is used obviously before lunchtime and can be uttered to anyone you wish to be friendly with or just in passing on the street.

Conclusion: if you can leave off the aforementioned politeness factor, all you have to do is remember which state you need to state, and you’re laughing. Note: I had actually thought of saying “Cincinnati” to people in the morning, but they may not get the joke.

nanopoblano2015dark

This farcical yet incredibly factual post is brought to you by Nano Poblano.


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NanoPoblano Day 4 – Day of Failure

Blogger’s guilt. This should be a thing. A recognized condition to describe how we writers in blogland feel when we want to write something but we just can’t.

Take, for instance, the matter of theme. This can range from the entire basis for which our sites exist, or it can be as small as something we decided in a fit of inspiration that our Nano Poblano challenge would revolve around. Yes, you guessed it. Today I fail. There will be no Japanese lesson today. I simply haven’t the heart, the brain, nor various other body parts for it. It’s been a rough day, full of doctor’s appointments at which I folded in the face of a red-eyed frightened child who didn’t want to get his flu shot, and a car parked in a parking lot miles from home, causing me to have to walk with the aforementioned child.

But tomorrow will be better! Perhaps we’ll talk about the joys of ordering coffee, not only in Japan but worldwide! Or maybe I’ll expound on the treat that is saying “I’m sorry.” Stay tuned! It’ll be fun! As everything should be when your life is in progress. Right?

Right?

Right.

nanopoblano2015dark

This strange confession/cheerleading session is brought to you by NanoPoblano. Find all the links here!