My manuscript is literally bigger than The Stand! I have proof!
But seriously, wouldn’t you love to be able to say that about your body of work and actually mean it in more than a literal sense? Even if I’m that good, which I suspect that possibly I’m not, (ahem) there’s no chance in hell, or even Castle Rock that I can catch up to the great SK. I didn’t start early enough. In fact, by my calculations I’d have to live to be a hundred and twenty five and seven-eighths years old to write as many books as Stephen King has and will. And honestly, I can’t see myself writing much past my 120th birthday anyway.
Conclusion: I’m destined to spend the rest of my existence wheezing on his literary dust. And enjoying the Castle Rock out of his books.
We have a winner! On Sunday, at the end of my Nano Poblano – Day 9: 10 Random Whos post, I stated that the funniest answer would be featured today for One-Liner Wednesday. Here is the lovely and talented SuzJones’ answer:
5. Who are you? Who? Who? Who? Who? Why Grissom of course!
If you don’t know Sue, you should definitely check out her blog. 🙂
Sue’s answer brought back a lot of fond memories. I watched the original CSI religiously back when Grissom was still around. He had some of the best one-liners on TV at the time, so I went to IMDB to look up a good one. However, it seemed all the funniest ones needed the context that they were put in in the show. As I was going through them all I came across one that I remember well; it stuck with me as the mother of two special-needs kids:
Gil Grissom: [to Billy Rattison about how he called Randy Traschel, the man with Down Syndrome that he murdered, a ‘retard’] By the way, the definition of the word retard is to hinder or to hold someone back. I think your life is about to become retarded.
Thanks so much, Sue, for reminding me of the fantastic one-liners that came off CSI!
Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.
The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
3. Who do they put all those warnings on labels for – you know, the ones that are just common sense?
4. Who was that masked man?
5. Who are you? Who? Who? Who? Who?
6. Who goes moo when they see a cow?
7. Who was the first person to ask which came first, the chicken or the egg?
8. Who likes lima beans? I mean, seriously…
9. Who makes my day brighter? You do! Who makes yours?
10. Who has woken you up more in your life than anyone else?
1 Point for every question you answer – 10 points for one “who” question back at me. The winner of the funniest answer (decided by me) gets their answer posted on One-Liner Wednesday. Go!
Expressions. We all have them. We all use them. There are so many we all know–he’s pushing up daisies, or busy as a bee, for instance–but how about the ones you grew up with? You know, the ones that come out of your mouth with a satisfied grin because you’ve just uttered the most perfect thing at the perfect moment EVER, yet you get a strange look because the person you’re talking to has never heard them before. So then you have to explain that what you just blurted out was something your mother, father, grandparent, or old Uncle Fred always said when blah blah blah and by the time you’ve finished going through the entire history of your fabulous phrase, its lustre has worn down to the brilliance of a twenty-year-old tractor tire.
You’ve been there before, right? So tell me, what are some of your favourite expressions that no one has ever heard before, and where did they come from?
I don’t know if it’s the subconscious prodding of being part of Team Pepper, or if it’s the weather, but I had a craving yesterday for chili con carne. So while I was at the grocery store, I bought all the ingredients which are now simmering on my stove top, their mingled aromas wafting into my nostrils and teasing my growling tummy.
I don’t like cooking, as a rule, except when I’m making something that I can see coming together in stages. To me, making a pot of chili, or spaghetti sauce, or dish I call “slop” (which is basically all the veggies you’d put in spaghetti except without the tomato sauce but including chopped tomatoes, and chicken and rice with a dash or two of curry) is more like building a dinner than cooking it. To me it looks like life.
You start with the basic ingredient and it’s like a newly formed child. Add in the next, which may be language, and a sprinkling of different spices (which we all know are actually experiences) and before you know it, it’s turned into something entirely different, and yet the same.
And then you eat it! Which incidentally is where it stops being like a person… unless you’re into that… but we won’t go there, will we…?
Where was I? Oh yes, peppers. My chili is going to be hot and spicy. Just like Nano Poblano… and the people involved. Who I won’t eat.
Even when I was 10 years old, I was a stickler for grammar. I remember a slogan on a used car dealership’s lot in my hometown, meant to attract customers passing by on the road . It read:
“Little used cars use little gas.”
The potential double meaning of this sentence has agitated me–yes, agitated–for forty years.
Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.
The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
Then the ants came. It’s the same every year; the infestation begins the moment the pumpkin goes outside. I know, I know there are ways to prevent this: I just wait until the last minute to put them out.
What really amuses me is the large chunks of skin the ants manage to throw out. You can see them on the step… and if you look really close you can see all the ants. Most of them were sleeping. Pumpkin must be to an ant like turkey is to a human.
So I propose the name of a new band. Who needs the Smashing Pumpkins when you can watch the Slowly-Being-Eaten Rotting Infested Jack-O-Lanterns?
Why do I set such high goals for myself? Okay yes, it feels great when I achieve them, and usually I do because I don’t like giving up on a challenge I set for myself. But the downside is that I end up getting stressed when I have too many things to do.
The latest goal of course is NaBloPoMo – write a post every day during the month of November. Together with Nano Poblano which gives me the extra challenge to make my posts spicy, I’m thinking by the end of the month my posts will be unreadable garbles of swear words. That should be fun!
Yet there’s something extra I’m contemplating to drive myself crazy reach for, and that is to extend my Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right series to 365. An entire year. I’m working on getting ahead of myself to cover the period in December when I won’t be around. They’re already scheduled a day or two in advance, so what’s two weeks? Nuthin’! My eventual goal with the series is to turn it into a calendar. I’m not sure exactly how that would work as an e-pub, but I’m sure I can figure something out. The idea came up a while ago, and I spoke to another blogger about possibly animating it, but that sorta fizzled out into nothing. So far. I should re-visit the idea and see if there’s any interest, though the 365th episode is still 300 away from being completed.
Any thoughts? Anyone who’s reading it think it might be a good idea? Click here for a link to one of the scenes that stands alone (meaning it has no back-story nor any follow-up so far) if you’ve never read one. You may just be amused.
First off, what the hell is going on with WordPress today? I woke up and this blog’s “best ever” day has gone up by nine views, and my fiction blog’s has gone down by four. Has this happened to anyone else or are they just screwing with me?
Second, I really am going to finish replying to all my comments soon. Tomorrow, if all goes well. But when does it ever? Can anyone answer me this question?
Third, I need another glass of wine.
Fourth, … oh yeah! Another WTF WordPress. I scheduled my 63rd Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right post for 11am this morning but it went live at 10. Did WordPress not get the memo that the time changed last night? Was it only Canada that changed? I’m confuddled.
Fifth, what do I do with all these Hallowe’en candies?
Sixth, if anyone can answer the above questions to my satisfaction and (as always) with humour, you get a point. Extra points if you send me a bottle of wine.
Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.
As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.
The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
Blogher’s deal:
lindaghill.com 