Life in progress

Tag Archives: writing


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The Endless Circle

I need organisation. First, I must state that this post was inspired by our lovely Belinda at Idiot Writing. (You can find the post here: http://idiotwriting.wordpress.com/2014/03/14/organisation/ .) In it, she tells how much more organised she is than I.

When I do finally get a moment to myself to sit and write, I invariably get comfortable with my laptop and, before I begin, I look around the room. It’s a mess. I think to myself, “I need to be more organised,” but do I do anything about it? Of course not! I just got comfortable.

So I write, but in the back of my mind there is the mess I should be cleaning up. I’m unable to fully relax and enjoy myself. Why don’t I just clean it up? Because it will take hours–hours that I could be spending writing. And what’s the use when my darling children will just mess it up again anyway? Doing a little bit at a time is useless. I’ll just end up doing the same little bit again the next day.

It’s a vicious circle of discomfort for me.

I did, actually find something that worked for me once. When I was selling my house back in Gatineau, Quebec, I had to clean up the place to show it to perspective buyers. So I took a picture of the mess, one room at a time. I then worked my ass off, non-stop, until I was ready to take an “after” picture. I was truly amazed at the progress I was able to make, and I had a reward at the end to boot–a picture of my immaculate room.

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Before

After

After

I swore I would do that again when I moved. I made a New Year’s resolution, four years ago, to make and keep this place clean. I did it again three years ago, two, one, and this year as well. HA! The difference? First, I’m not selling, and second, back then I wasn’t writing.

One of these days…

 

How do you deal with organisation? Or do you? I’d love some suggestions.


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You Can

You can

There are worse things in the world than getting motivation from a fortune cookie, I suppose. But then, I think I can win the lottery. Will I? I guess I can if I buy a ticket.

While the statement on this tiny slip of paper is true, to a certain extent, it’s vague at best. Where is the trying? What do we get out of life if we just sit and imagine we can, without making an attempt? We get nothing, most of the time.

Case in point: I think I can make something out of this post. Am I giving it a half-hearted effort? Yes. Was I motivated by the piece of paper I found in a fortune cookie? Yes.

All this to say that, just because you think you can, doesn’t mean you’re going to be good at it. And there’s my de-motivational post for the day.

Chew on it.

Okay, but seriously. To be creative–to create something out of my own mind that is brand new–I have to be in the right frame of mind. No amount of external motivation is going to change that. It may help, but in the end nothing is going to inspire me quite like, well, me. When that spark fires in my brain that tells me I have something to write about, or I fall on something I’m passionate about, it’s like I’m a ball of energy, rolling down a hill, unable to stop. I can zing through a paragraph as though I was propelled by an elastic band, my fingers flying around the keyboard, unable to keep up with my brain. That’s when I would say to myself, “Yes I can!” except that I’m too busy creating to think such a thing.

So is the fortune cookie wrong? Personally, I think it’s possible to think too much.


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What, in the name of Inception, was that?

It all started on Sunday when I had a sore tooth. Actually, scratch that. It really started in 1996 when I went on Zoloft for six months, to help me get over post-partum depression. I don’t know for sure whether it’s a side effect of that particular antidepressant, but while I was taking it, I began to clench my teeth. It was like I constantly had tension in my jaw, and the condition exists even now.

So back to Sunday. My tooth hurt, and I’m pretty sure it was due to the clenching. Though the pain went away, I was thinking about going to the dentist.

Then last night, I had a dream. I was sitting in a dentist’s chair, totally doped up on nitrous oxide. I remember the dentist and her assistant talking while filling one of my teeth. I could feel it, a little, but I didn’t care.

When the dentist asked me if I wanted Novocaine for my second filling, I said yes. She told me that was probably a good idea, since the cavity was deep. Here’s where the freaky part begins.

As she put the needle in (which I didn’t feel at all because in my dream I was doped up) I realized I was going to sleep. At that point, I realized I WAS asleep and that I was dreaming… so with that in my head, I allowed myself to go to sleep in my dream.

It was the best experience I’ve ever had at the dentist. I highly recommend the nitrous… not that I’ve tried it in real life… at least I don’t think I have.

*cue Twilight Zone Inception theme*


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The Push

I sometimes wonder why I push myself so hard. My determination to write a post every day here on WordPress; my aspiration to finish my novel; my involvement in The Community Storyboard, HarsH ReaLiTy, and A Good Blog is Hard to Find; my ambition to read more, and write book reviews; my wish to help out friends by critiquing their unpublished works… the list itself is overwhelming. Most days I barely notice the work piling up. I love being busy with writing and the pursuits that involve it.

But, Spring Break. Yes, it’s that time of year again. While I’ve had much of today to do the things I needed to get done, I know it’s only a matter of time before Alex gets bored keeping himself busy. And just because the kids are home doesn’t mean the shopping doesn’t still need to be done – a task which requires me to leave my Autistic son by himself – and my paper route, and then there’s my mother’s appointments because I’m the only one who can take her… again, overwhelming.

I think everyone gets to this point occasionally. It’s the stage where we just have to start saying no, and not give in. While it’s exciting, and best of all not boring, there’s a limit at which one shuts down and curls up in a little ball with a straw and a bottle of one’s favourite Merlot.

So if I up and disappear at some point this week you’ll know why. And if I do manage to keep it all together AND keep my blog going without consuming a bottle of wine per day, well, give me a cape and call me supermom.

Just don’t push me off the side of a building to see if I’ll fly. I push myself too hard already.


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Possessions

I’ve never been one to have much affection for the things I own. Apart from old photos, I have very few things that can’t be replaced – and if I took the time to scan all those photos I could add those to the list of replaceable items as well. Yes, my laptop is valuable, but only inasmuch as what is on its hard drive. If I lost it but was able to retrieve everything off it, meh. I could buy another.

There is one thing however that I can’t replace. It’s the one thing that, if someone asked me, “If your house was on fire, what, other than your family would you save?” that would be it. It’s a CD. It’s not the music on it, nor is it the case which makes it my most prized possession. In the cover booklet there is a signature by the artist, that reads, “To Linda, with love…”

And I’ve misplaced it: the whole CD, case and booklet.

I’ve spent much of a very frustrating day searching, to no avail. Whilst doing so, I’ve tried convincing myself that it doesn’t matter if, somehow, it ended up in a bag that was put out for garbage without proper inspection. After all, I still have the memories of the event which led up to my having it autographed. That I went all the way to Japan, to a concert–never met the artist, but my booklet did–and came back home with this coveted piece of memorabilia in my hot little hands.

After all, what really matters? It’s only a piece of paper, albeit one that I’ll mourn the loss of, if it never turns up. But I can always hold the memory close to my heart.

I’ll keep trying to convince myself, anyway.


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Soul

What does a soul weigh?

What are the tiny particles that make up our art, our way of putting words together–our music?

Are the objects to our eyes which are beautiful to be counted in the heft of our being?

When we die, are we but shells? That which we were only in flesh and bone and sinew?

How do we measure what pleases us; what makes us laugh and cry?

Does all that disappear? Or can it be counted?

Is there a number which can represent all that we are?

What does our soul weigh?

It is infinite.

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Writing, But Not Writing

You have to love it when your utility company sends the most gorgeous man on the planet over to your house to upgrade your internet speed. Needless to say, as my day has progressed it has gotten better.

I’m currently procrastinating over picking up my manuscript. Oohh, a muffin!

Despite what I said yesterday – wait, was it yesterday? I’ll go check. No, it was Thursday, in this blog post. Anyway, despite what I said in Thursday’s post, procrastinating when it means completely putting off something is detrimental. Allowing my mind to wander whilst doing something mindless, as a break from hard work is nothing like what I’m doing now.

It brings to mind an excellent article that my new blogging friend, Angie, shared with me in my comments. In it, she cites the well proven fact that sometimes we procrastinate for fear of failure. What if we finish what we’re doing (such as writing a manuscript) just to have it rejected? It’s silly, really, to think that way. Why begin something in the first place if you’re never going to finish it?

I wrote the novel I’m editing as a NaNoWriMo project in 2011. When I started it, I was writing it for myself. I needed a distraction from the chaos that was my life at the time. Had I not written it, I probably wouldn’t be here right now – I’m sure I’d be in a padded cell, plucking my arm hairs out one at a time and tying them into the rope which would become my escape – one way or another. By the time I finished my manuscript, I knew I wanted to share it with the world. And so, editing began… and continues. It’s a huge project and is going to take many more hours of work before I’ll even allow it into the hands of beta readers.

So why am I typing a WordPress post instead of working on the manuscript I can’t wait to get out? I’m up for suggestions.

You can find Angie’s article here: http://familyanswersfast.wordpress.com/tag/procrastination/ Fascinating stuff.

Off to work. Really. And I’m not going to stare off into space and think about that telephone installation guy AT ALL.


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SoCS (Stream of Consciousness Saturday) – An Amount

When one has nothing to write, where does one start? Is it with a single word? Or a sentence?

I like to start with a statement, or a question. Once I have that first sentence however, I can either fly like an eagle or sink like a stone, the latter of which I feel as though I’m doing now. But I’ll plow on, because this whole SoCS thing was my idea to start with, and so I’d better show the world that it CAN be done, even when I’m not in the mood to write.

It’s 10am on the Saturday of my day off and the day is already screwed up. The person who delivers the newspaper to me, so I can take them to the individual houses of the people who subscribe to them only showed up this morning with half my papers. They’re supposed to be delivered to the customer by 9am. So I got up from my potential lovely lay-in for nothing. It’s freezing drizzle outside right now, I haven’t had a coffee yet and I have to stay in all afternoon to wait for my internet service provider to come over to fix something (proactively) that’s not broken. Hopefully I’ll get some editing done in there.

So now that I’ve spent my Saturday bitching about my Saturday. I think I’ll end there, put a cap on this, and say, what a waste of blank screen this was.

Can’t win ’em all I guess. At least I wrote something, right?

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Please join in! To see the prompt for this week for “Stream of Consciousness Saturday” click here: https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/03/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-814/

The rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” or “Begin with the word ‘The’.”

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people will come and read your post! The way to ping back, is to just copy and paste the URL of my post somewhere on your post. Then your URL will show up in my comments, for everyone to see. For example, in your post you can copy and past the following: “This post is part of SoCS: (https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/03/01/socs-stream-of-consiousness-saturday-the-rules/)” Also, you can come here and link your post in the comments. The most recent comments will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has pinged back their post. If you’re the first person to ping back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. Have fun!


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The Friday Reminder and Prompt for SoCS March 8/14

Hello to my Stream of Consciousness Saturday friends and to all who wish to join in the fun this week!

As well as a reminder for tomorrow’s event, I’d like to share a minor update. As it turns out, I’m not able to automatically approve pingbacks in my comments, so if I’m not at the computer when you ping your post, it won’t show up. Consequently I’ve added to the rules, suggesting that after you post your SoCS article, you comment here: https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/03/01/socs-stream-of-consiousness-saturday-the-rules/ with a link to your Saturday post, so others can see it right away – otherwise it could be hours before anyone comes to visit and sees how awesome your post is. Note that I’ve set up my comments so the most recent is on top, so you won’t have to scroll down too far to visit other contributors posts for the current week. If you have any questions, or if this is as crazy confusing as I think it might be, please leave any questions you have below.

Here is this week’s prompt: In your first sentence, include a quantity. Any number from one to a gazillion, or any conceptual number, i.e. “many,” “few,” “a lot,” or even “once” will do.

Have a once-over of the rules by clicking on the link above if you’d like, and then off you go. I’m looking forward to reading all your contributions!

Edit: It’s been brought to my attention that if you link your Saturday post back to the Friday prompt (i.e. this post) then everyone will be together in each individual week. We’ll try that this week and see how it goes. So tomorrow, when you post, add this link to your article: https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/03/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-814/

Hopefully we’ll get this ironed out before the month is up! Thanks for your patience. 🙂


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The Very Best Blog Post Ever

Have you ever felt so full of inspiration and ideas that you thought if you could just have a moment of peace and quiet you could write the best blog post that’s ever been written? Just five hundred words which beams of sunshine would radiate upon, and people all over the world would stand up, with their arms raised and exclaim YES! Choirs of children would sing and violins and harps would play and bears and fish would hold hands and never would there be a moment of strife in the universe ever again!

Yep, me too.

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