Life in progress

Category Archives: Funny


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One-Liner Wednesday – Analogue or Digital?

“Analog chocolate beats digital chocolate any day. But can I have my analog chocolate with digital calories?”

According to the “contest” on this post I have declared a winner for the answer that most tickled my funnybone. It comes to you from the lovely jetgirlcos of Forty and Fantastique!

If you don’t already follow her, please check out her blog!

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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Nano Poblano – Day 16: 10 Random Whiches

1. Which witch is which?

2. Which is better: slapstick or dry?

3. Which beverage makes the most sense?

4. Which one?

5. Which would you rather be: a sandwich or a set of false teeth?

6. Which Disney character are you most like?

7. Which colour is the best colour in the world to paint a kitchen?

8. Which sound is the most annoying ever?

9. Which is better: digital or analogue?

10. Which musician would you bring back from the dead, if you could?

As always, a point for every good answer, and a bonus point for your “which” question to me. Funniest answer (decided by me) may be posted as my One-Liner Wednesday. Go!

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Nano Poblano – Day 13: Me compared to Stephen King

My manuscript is literally bigger than The Stand! I have proof!

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But seriously, wouldn’t you love to be able to say that about your body of work and actually mean it in more than a literal sense? Even if I’m that good, which I suspect that possibly I’m not, (ahem) there’s no chance in hell, or even Castle Rock that I can catch up to the great SK. I didn’t start early enough. In fact, by my calculations I’d have to live to be a hundred and twenty five and seven-eighths years old to write as many books as Stephen King has and will. And honestly, I can’t see myself writing much past my 120th birthday anyway.

Conclusion: I’m destined to spend the rest of my existence wheezing on his literary dust. And enjoying the Castle Rock out of his books.

Mr. Mark’s deal:

image98Blogher’s deal:

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Nano Poblano – Day 9: 10 Random Whos

1. Who let the dogs out?

2. Who puts the holes in donuts?

3. Who do they put all those warnings on labels for – you know, the ones that are just common sense?

4. Who was that masked man?

5. Who are you? Who? Who? Who? Who?

6. Who goes moo when they see a cow?

7. Who was the first person to ask which came first, the chicken or the egg?

8. Who likes lima beans? I mean, seriously…

9. Who makes my day brighter? You do! Who makes yours?

10. Who has woken you up more in your life than anyone else?

 

1 Point for every question you answer – 10 points for one “who” question back at me. The winner of the funniest answer (decided by me) gets their answer posted on One-Liner Wednesday. Go!

 

These whos are brought to you by the letter M (for Mr. Mark):

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and the number 9, as in the 9th day of:

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Blog Hop II – The Name Game

As if one Blog Hop wasn’t enough for members of Team Pepper, our gracious host, Mark Bialczak has given us a new challenge with another, unique Blog Hop game – The Name Game. 😀 I was nominated for this go-round by MeWhoAmI. Thank you my dear!

Here Are the Rules:

1. Write a paragraph or two about somebody from an ordinary walk of life with an unordinary name. It can either be a true story about somebody you know with that name, or a fictional piece about somebody with a name you made up.

2. After you’re done posting your story, send me an email to markbialczak@gmail.com with your Blog Hop II, your blog name and either TRUE STORY or MADE IT UP in the subject line.

3. Pick another Nano Poblano team member from the home page and tag them on their About page. Try to spread the wealth around from Fish of Gold’s original blog hop to start, but duplication is OK as the month rolls along.

4. The writing cutoff is Nov. 28. By the end of Nov. 29, email to me at markbialczak@gmail.com a list with a guess of TRUE STORY or MADE UP for each post on the blog hop. Put Blog Hop II, Final Guesses in the subject line.

5. The Nano Poblano team member with the most correct answers wins a special prize, which I will mail to them. That means you will have to email me your address if you win.

6. Add your link to the chain of writers.

7. Have fun.

My Story: Linda

When I was in my early twenties I worked for the company that distributed Minwax Wood Stains in Canada. My job started out as data entry and later on, organizing travel arrangements for our sales reps across the country. While I was there I made friends with the receptionist – her name was Maria.

We went out occasionally for drinks on a Saturday night and, during one of the outings I had the pleasure of meeting her brother, Sam. He was extremely good-looking and well built and I admit, even though I had a boyfriend at the time, what with the effects of a couple of drinks in me, I flirted with him a little. It wasn’t until I saw Maria on Monday at work that she told me what Sam did for a living.

During the day he had a job as a copy-machine repairman. She said he made decent money, but he supplemented his income with a part-time job. On Tuesday and Thursday nights he was Saddle McFleshbomb, male stripper.

Who has contributed so far?

Markbialczak

Silver Threading

The Chatter Blog

MeWhoAmI

And me Linda G. Hill

Next in line, I call on Lucy at The Excessive Gardener!

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Day 5 – Nano Poblano: Red Hot Chili Peppers

I don’t know if it’s the subconscious prodding of being part of Team Pepper, or if it’s the weather, but I had a craving yesterday for chili con carne. So while I was at the grocery store, I bought all the ingredients which are now simmering on my stove top, their mingled aromas wafting into my nostrils and teasing my growling tummy.

I don’t like cooking, as a rule, except when I’m making something that I can see coming together in stages. To me, making a pot of chili, or spaghetti sauce, or dish I call “slop” (which is basically all the veggies you’d put in spaghetti except without the tomato sauce but including chopped tomatoes, and chicken and rice with a dash or two of curry) is more like building a dinner than cooking it. To me it looks like life.

You start with the basic ingredient and it’s like a newly formed child. Add in the next, which may be language, and a sprinkling of different spices (which we all know are actually experiences) and before you know it, it’s turned into something entirely different, and yet the same.

And then you eat it! Which incidentally is where it stops being like a person… unless you’re into that… but we won’t go there, will we…?

Where was I? Oh yes, peppers. My chili is going to be hot and spicy. Just like Nano Poblano… and the people involved. Who I won’t eat.

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One-Liner Wednesday – Grammar is Funny Like That

Even when I was 10 years old, I was a stickler for grammar. I remember a slogan on a used car dealership’s lot in my hometown, meant to attract customers passing by on the road . It read:

“Little used cars use little gas.”

The potential double meaning of this sentence has agitated me–yes, agitated–for forty years.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


by 27 Comments

Day 4 – Nano Poblano: Invasion of the Teeth Eating, Six-Legged Creatures!

My pumpkin had pointy teeth.

 

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Then the ants came. It’s the same every year; the infestation begins the moment the pumpkin goes outside. I know, I know there are ways to prevent this: I just wait until the last minute to put them out.

What really amuses me is the large chunks of skin the ants manage to throw out. You can see them on the step… and if you look really close you can see all the ants. Most of them were sleeping. Pumpkin must be to an ant like turkey is to a human.

So I propose the name of a new band. Who needs the Smashing Pumpkins when you can watch the Slowly-Being-Eaten Rotting Infested Jack-O-Lanterns?

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Random-after-a-glass-of-wine-type-Team-Pepper-post

Well this should be interesting.

First off, what the hell is going on with WordPress today? I woke up and this blog’s “best ever” day has gone up by nine views, and my fiction blog’s has gone down by four. Has this happened to anyone else or are they just screwing with me?

Second, I really am going to finish replying to all my comments soon. Tomorrow, if all goes well. But when does it ever? Can anyone answer me this question?

Third, I need another glass of wine.

Fourth, … oh yeah! Another WTF WordPress. I scheduled my 63rd Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right post for 11am this morning but it went live at 10. Did WordPress not get the memo that the time changed last night? Was it only Canada that changed? I’m confuddled.

Fifth, what do I do with all these Hallowe’en candies?

Sixth, if anyone can answer the above questions to my satisfaction and (as always) with humour, you get a point. Extra points if you send me a bottle of wine.

Go!


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One-Liner Wednesday – Eh?

From: https://www.facebook.com/alan.driskell.1?fref=photo – Carried forward by George Takei on Facebook

Canadian Borg

Translation: For assimilation in French, please press “2.”

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!