Life in progress

Category Archives: Funny


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One-Liner Wednesday – Grammar is Funny Like That

Even when I was 10 years old, I was a stickler for grammar. I remember a slogan on a used car dealership’s lot in my hometown, meant to attract customers passing by on the road . It read:

“Little used cars use little gas.”

The potential double meaning of this sentence has agitated me–yes, agitated–for forty years.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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Day 4 – Nano Poblano: Invasion of the Teeth Eating, Six-Legged Creatures!

My pumpkin had pointy teeth.

 

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Then the ants came. It’s the same every year; the infestation begins the moment the pumpkin goes outside. I know, I know there are ways to prevent this: I just wait until the last minute to put them out.

What really amuses me is the large chunks of skin the ants manage to throw out. You can see them on the step… and if you look really close you can see all the ants. Most of them were sleeping. Pumpkin must be to an ant like turkey is to a human.

So I propose the name of a new band. Who needs the Smashing Pumpkins when you can watch the Slowly-Being-Eaten Rotting Infested Jack-O-Lanterns?

nanoPoblano14NaBloPoMo_1114_465x287_blogroll


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Random-after-a-glass-of-wine-type-Team-Pepper-post

Well this should be interesting.

First off, what the hell is going on with WordPress today? I woke up and this blog’s “best ever” day has gone up by nine views, and my fiction blog’s has gone down by four. Has this happened to anyone else or are they just screwing with me?

Second, I really am going to finish replying to all my comments soon. Tomorrow, if all goes well. But when does it ever? Can anyone answer me this question?

Third, I need another glass of wine.

Fourth, … oh yeah! Another WTF WordPress. I scheduled my 63rd Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right post for 11am this morning but it went live at 10. Did WordPress not get the memo that the time changed last night? Was it only Canada that changed? I’m confuddled.

Fifth, what do I do with all these Hallowe’en candies?

Sixth, if anyone can answer the above questions to my satisfaction and (as always) with humour, you get a point. Extra points if you send me a bottle of wine.

Go!


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One-Liner Wednesday – Eh?

From: https://www.facebook.com/alan.driskell.1?fref=photo – Carried forward by George Takei on Facebook

Canadian Borg

Translation: For assimilation in French, please press “2.”

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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One-Liner Wednesday – One Filament Short of a Lightbulb

onefilamentshort

I got a few strange looks from the other customers in the store when I took this picture but it was too good to pass up.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!

 


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How Do You Do Tired?

Now that I’ve finally caught up on my comments I’m allowing myself to post. Except… I can’t think of anything to write. Add the fact that I’m so tired that if tired was an animal, my tired would be an elephant. And it would be sitting on my lap. Do you have any idea what it’s like trying to type with an elephant on your lap? Ugh. He just farted.

This is how my family can tell when I’m exhausted. I either go hairy and bounce off the walls until someone placates me with either a cup of coffee or a glass of wine (depending on what time of the day it is… though if I’m honest I’ll take the wine any time) or I get creatively silly.

How ’bout you? Do you scream everyone around you into complete jelly-bowls of submission when you’re tired? Do you giggle until your insides hurt and your bloodshot eyes are ready to walk up the stairs to bed without you? How do your loved-ones know you’re tired?


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One-Liner Wednesday – Amusing Nonsense

On being asked, “What do you get when you cross an elephant with a duck?” siriusbizinus answered
“Either a sticky duck or a disappointed elephant.”

I laughed so hard I had to make this today’s one-liner Wednesday. Thanks, siriusbizinus, for the laugh!

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a ping back, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up in the comments below.

As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Finding Flounder

Aside from the fact that I can’t usually find a thing I’m looking for in my house if I haven’t seen it in the previous two days (okay, that’s an exaggeration, but the frustration makes it feel that way) most of my lost things lately have been inside my own head.

Concentration. It’s what it all comes down to. Having a thousand things go through my head at once (disclaimer: this post will include many exaggerations. And by many I mean about a million or so.) is conductive to forgetting everything. For instance, twice this morning on my paper route I walked past a house I was supposed to deliver to because I have my novel in my head. A particular scene that I’ve been pondering… can’t remember now which one…

Too many people to take care of, (the last of which is ALWAYS me (exaggeration)) too little money to do all the crazy things my kids demand of me (i.e. taking the bus to the mall which costs $500 each way compared to driving the car which costs only pennies) (guess which one of those is an exaggeration. Right. The pennies one.), and where was I… Oh yeah. Not having enough time to write and edit, and read and CREATE! That’s gotta be the worst because it’s what keeps me sane. So I create in my head while I’m supposed to be doing other things. Like delivering the paper. And running red lights. And floundering around like a beached fish, gasping for air and dying… dying … dyin… dyi… d.

I’m such a drama queen this morning. Time to find some sense in it all.

 

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

This post is part of SoCS. For the prompt and everything you need to know to join in, click here! https://lindaghill.com/2014/10/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-october-414/


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One-Liner Wednesday – NaNo?

Answer to the question, “What am I going to do in November?”:
“Well, you could grow a moustache, but writing a book might be easier.”

Thanks, John.

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Anyone who would like to try it out, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. As with Stream of Consciousness Saturday, if you see a ping back from someone else in my comment section, click and have a read. It’s bound to be short and sweet.

The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are as follows:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Make it either funny or inspirational.

Have fun!


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SoCS – The Opposite of Average

I never did like averages. When they say, “the average age is between (this) and (that)” it always made me think about those who made the average what it is. For instance, the average is between 25 and 50. What about the 10s and the 75s? Nobody ever thinks about them, because they’re not in the average – but they’re just as important in making the average as anything else.

In sports I always root for the underdog. It’s why I’m a Toronto Maple Leafs fan. You remember them? The famous golfers? They’re always the first out on the greens every season. Haha. (They’re going to win the cup next year, by the way.)

I can see the appeal in being considered average. Having two special needs kids, the word “normal” has a unique set of meanings to me – and no, my kids are not average. In some ways they’re far above.

And I certainly don’t want my epic novel to be average. It’s gonna shine.

So what’s the opposite of the word “average”? Is it unique? Is it special? Is it simply “outside the norm”? Underdog? Is there one?

A werewolf and a vampire go into a bar. The vampire orders a glass of red. The werewolf eats the bartender. The vampire says, “Next time, I’m buying.”

I have no idea where that came from, other than somewhere inside my (opposite of average) brain. Thank you very much.

 

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Find this week’s prompt at the link and join in! https://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-september-2014/