It’s been more than a year since I secured (and paid for, twice so far) my editing website. I have a price schedule set out, and I have testimonials from a few authors. Like, people who would testify that I know how to grammar and everything. (Please don’t judge me by that last sentence. I’m joking.) And yet, I’ve been too busy–editing, mostly–to complete the website. I have return clients lined up who will potentially keep me working for the better part of the year, though I’m not precisely sure when they’ll call on me.
But it isn’t only being busy that’s prevented me from setting up shop. My home life gets so chaotic sometimes that I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up with the demands of the job. Which is a completely unfounded fear, because aside from the instances when my clients haven’t delivered their work on time, I’ve never missed a deadline. My own doubts are preventing me from expanding my horizons, so to speak.
So that’s that–that’s all the news on that front.
And it gave me an excuse to use the word “testify.”
Yes, I know. Pneu means tire in French and this has nothing to do with tires. It does have to do with pneumonia.
Start from the beginning shall we? Actually, I don’t remember that far back, so starting at yesterday will have to do.
Yesterday afternoon I picked my mother up from the hospital, from a three day stay. The first thing she asked for was a cigarette. I asked her if maybe she thought it would be better to wait a day or two to smoke since she still had pneumonia. Her answer: “I’ve already waited two days!” I then said that maybe waiting another two will mean she can get better and not have to go back to the hospital where she can’t smoke at all.
So she had a cigarette before she even made it to her room in the retirement home. I went off to get her meds from the pharmacy, and when I came back, she wanted another one. I tried again to reason with her, but no. So I sat outside with her in the -20C-with-the-wind cold while she hacked and wheezed through another cigarette.
At 5:15 this morning I got a call from the home. She was having trouble breathing and did I think she should go back to the hospital. I asked the nurse to keep an eye on her and she agreed.
At 4:00 this afternoon I got another call. They were putting her back in an ambulance. I arrived in the emergency room a little while later, and as I stood at her bedside, holding her hand, she asked me why she was back in the hospital. I explained to her that she had pneumonia and smoking had put her back in there. “I told you yesterday,” I said, “that if you smoked you’d wind up back in here,” to which she smiled and replied, “You’re a wonderful daughter.” I couldn’t roll my eyes hard enough.
She seems to be worse now than she was when she went in on the 23rd, to me at least. But they’re not sure they’ll keep her, so I might be going back to pick her up in the dead of night.
I have my doubts.
And that pretty much sums up my day. Nay, my weekend: I have my doubts.
I’ve spent most of the day contemplating, trying to figure out what I do that is cathartic. What helps me purge my negative emotions. And really, I could come up with nothing.
So my next question for myself was how am I coping? Why am I not going off the deep end?
And my answer was that I am generally happy. Content, despite all the stressors in my life. It’s testament to the fact that I don’t set the bar very high when I consider myself happy that my kids are alive and safe. Are they all healthy? Not by a long shot. Do they have everything they want? No. But they generally have a lot to smile about nonetheless.
There’s still all the stress to deal with, but that I do with my little escapes. Writing fiction, plunging headfirst into my editing jobs, taking a walk, and colouring easily help at least give me a break from my worries.
And I suppose when it’s all at its worst, my writing, even when I’m not writing about myself, can indirectly help me to spit out on a page what I’m feeling inside. We can’t, as writers, effectively express emotions we haven’t felt, whether they be joy or grief, well-being or pain.
On the other hand, maybe I’m just lying to myself and I’ll explode when I turn 60.
But at this very moment, I honestly believe I have it pretty good. All things considered.
The prompt word, “cathartic,” for today’s post is brought to you by Enthralling Journey! Thanks, Enthralling Journey! To find her “cathartic” post, click here. And say hi while you’re there!
When you saw the prompt for today, you might have wondered how you were going to fit AD (Anno Domini) into a post. I know I am. But what I just wrote works.
Additionally, you may wonder if you’re not a math-y person how you might fit in add. That works, too.
As for ads, this one never fails to crack me up.
I’m somewhat amazed at the fact that I’ve managed (with a little help of a few friends on occasion) to come up with a different prompt every week for almost five years. Having a document with a list of every prompt I’ve used helps me make sure I don’t repeat myself. Sure glad I started it early on.
There are so few things I’m organized in in my life. I tend to take things day by day–trying to plan anything usually ends up in disappointment unless I line up every detail far in advance. And even then …
I suppose it’s life with kids for almost everyone. Chaos is the norm and bonus points if everything comes together.
But as in “Whose Line Is It Anyway” and SoCS, the points don’t matter.
I’ve probably already posted this before, but it’s still the funniest thing ever. Don’t drink while you watch it, even if you’ve seen it before.
It’s a hard thing to find, balance. I spend far too much time sitting on my butt, writing, editing, and canoodling on social media. Even the balance between time spent writing and promoting is a difficult one. But what I need more than anything is exercise.
So it’s nice when there are natural consequences that lead me to doing what I should be doing. Like today, for instance, I walked to the hospital to visit my mother. (I was able to go because Alex finally went to school! Yay!) It was a choice between a fifteen minute walk and fifteen minutes of shoveling my car out of the driveway. Yeah, the shoveling might have been better exercise, but I still had to walk fifteen minutes to get home as well. AND I saved $4.50 for parking.
My mother is doing a bit better, by the way. She looked better, though her breathing is still laboured. The doctor asked me if she’d ever been diagnosed with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), to which I replied no. But it’s not at all far-fetched that she has it, since she’s been smoking since she was 14 years old. Her 89th birthday is in three weeks. So once I get her home, it’s going to be a matter of explaining to her that if she doesn’t quit, she’s going to die. She won’t understand, and if she does understand, she won’t remember the conversation 45 seconds after we have it.
With dementia, it seems, there is no balance.
On a personal level, I put a lot of faith in balance. I’m a Taoist at heart. The yin yang symbol is all about balance. An equal amount of black and white/feminine and masculine.
Each is contained within the other.
I miss Tai Chi. Which is something that would help my mother. If I had time to get her out of the retirement home.
Most of my lack-of-balance issues come from being the one responsible for everyone else. Being a single mother and an only child in the sandwich generation ain’t easy.
Then there’s the balance between sobriety and drunkenness.
When I posted the prompt last night for “zoomie,” brought to us by the lovely Bee (click here for her zoomie post), I did an obligatory check in the dictionary. It was as I thought — not there.
So I checked Google and discovered it’s the most awesome and appropriate word for what a dog does when it zooms around with excitement. I think the only dog I’ve ever had who didn’t do it indoors (thank goodness) was my Saint Bernard, George.
I was a bit zoomie myself as a child. I loved running. I wish I still loved it, but years of childhood exposure to second-hand smoke finished my lungs off. I have no doubt I’d be a runner otherwise.
Today, I’ve been zooming here and there for Alex’s sake. Yet another snow day. I’m hoping to be able to visit my mother in the hospital tomorrow. If it’s another snow day, I may just run away from home.
My mum has been admitted to hospital with pneumonia. They took her by ambulance last night since I wasn’t able to leave the house to pick her up–not because it was that urgent.
But anyway, funny story.
I just got off the phone with one of the nurses in the emergency department. Apparently my mother is concerned that she doesn’t have her teeth. She must have taken them out before she was transported, so the nurse asked me if I could go get them and bring them in.
My response: That has to be one of the most interesting things I’ve even been asked to do.
Photo depicts a cartoon of a man in a doctor’s office. The doctor is pointing at an ex-ray hanging on the wall, saying, “I’m also concerned about that other thingy growing next to your whatchamacallit.” The caption reads: The second opinion was even worse than the first.
Here are the general rules to follow for Just Jot it January:
1. Just Jot It January starts January 1st, but it’s never too late to join in! Here, we run on the honour system; the “jot it” part of JusJoJan means that anything you jot down, anywhere (it doesn’t have to be a post, it can even be a grocery list) counts as a “Jot.” If it makes it to your blog that day, great! If it waits a week to get from a sticky note to your screen, no problem!
2. I’ll post the daily prompts at 2am my time (GMT -5), every day except for Saturday’s Stream of Consciousness (SoCS) prompt–you’ll find that one on Friday morning at 9:30am. That daily post (i.e. this one) will be where you leave your link for others to find in the comment section. There will be a prompt for every day except Wednesday, when the prompt is simply my One-Liner Wednesday.
2a. Since today is Wednesday, I challenge you to make your JusJoJan post a one-liner. If you don’t care to, or if you’ve already written your post, no problem. Remember, with One-Liner Wednesday you can write anything – it’s only a prompt to write one line, not necessarily to keep to the same theme as mine. The rules that I’ve made for myself (but don’t always follow) for “One-Liner Wednesday” are:
(i) Make it one sentence.
(ii) Make it either funny or inspirational.
(iii) Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.
(iv) Enjoy yourself!
(v) Use our One-Liner Wednesday badge.
#1linerWeds badge by Cheryl, at dreamingreality646941880.wordpress.com/
3. As long as your blog is on WordPress, you’ll be able to link via pingback. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL from the daily prompt post, and paste it anywhere in your post. Check to make sure your link shows up where you want it to, and go back occasionally to see other bloggers’ entries – the more you visit others, the more they’ll visit you! If you’re participating from another blogging host, just drop a link into the comment section. Note: The newest pingbacks and comments will appear at the top.
4. Tag your post JusJoJan and/or #JusJoJan.
5. Write anything! Any length will do! It can even be a photo or a drawing – you’re going to title it, right? There’s your jot!
6. The prompts are here both to remind you and to inspire you to write. However, you don’t have to use the prompt word of theday. You can link any kind of jot back here. Note: If it’s 18+ content, please say so in a comment with your link or close to your pingback.
7. If you’d like to, use the JusJoJan badge so that others can find your post more easily.
Well, for a birthday, it’s been one unexpected thing after another. Let me tell you about it.
It started out with the school buses not running, but I knew that ahead of time. Because Alex was starting to go stir crazy yesterday, and because he had an appointment with a speech and language pathologist at lunch time at the school, I’d decided to drive him in anyway. So I began my day by shoveling my car out of the driveway. Turned out I didn’t need to do it first thing, because my best friend, John, came to my rescue and took Alex to school.
I still needed to be there for the appointment, however, so I had a shower–my birthday present to me–and drove to the school where I met the speech pathologist. Lo and behold, she’s fluent in sign language. Wonderful! What a lovely surprise that was!
After that, I came home and tried to get as caught up on my social media and all the kind birthday wishes, as well as try to promote my book sale. Then I had to drive back to the school to get Alex, because no buses.
I got home and we had pizza for dinner–no cooking!–and I got back to my laptop for some more catching up. Then my mother called to say she spent the day in bed, she was very sweaty, and the nurse had been talking about sending her to the hospital today. But my mum had no idea why. So I put in a call to the nurse at the retirement home. Apparently–wait for it–a few of the residents have had pneumonia, and my mother hasn’t been doing so well. They’ll keep an eye on her tonight, and if they have to send her by ambulance, they will. I explained I can’t get away–I have Alex to look after.
Just as I was putting Alex to bed, I got a call from his brother. His bus didn’t show up. So off I went to drive him to work for 11pm.
Meanwhile, we’re expecting freezing rain tomorrow, so probably no buses. And I doubt I’ll want to drive either. There’s about six inches of snow on my street, and if that freezes over, it’s going to be an ice rink out there.
What does all this have to do with curiosity?
I’m not the slightest bit curious about how my day tomorrow is going to go.
I’m happy and content to spend the rest of my birthday oblivious to what might await me.
Just livin’ in the moment.
Thank you so much to everyone for their wonderful birthday wishes today! They really helped me get through what was an otherwise trying day. And it’s entirely possible that they kept it from being worse! ❤
I’ve written about serendipity a couple of times on this blog already. The last two times I wrote about phenomenal events. We all have those serendipitous moments occasionally. Once in a while they’re life-changing, but mostly they’re the little things that come to us. Unexpected good things.
Sometimes, it seems, the universe gives us things we don’t even know that we need. Like the money I received from the government a week before I dropped my laptop. It turned out to be the exact amount my new laptop cost. Yes, I could have used that money to pay for the things I’d already spent it on, but the situation also could have been worse.
And sometimes the motes of serendipity appear as things seemingly sent just to put a smile on our faces. A song that comes on the radio that lifts us when we’re down, or items we give significance to as a sign of hope.
Serendipity can be mind-blowing.
Or it can just help us get through the day.
The prompt word, “serendipity,” for today’s post is brought to you by Jill! Thanks, Jill! To find her “serendipity” post, click here. And say hi while you’re there!
It’s never too late to participate in Just Jot it January! Click the following link to find out how, and see all the other participants’ links in the comment section. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2019/01/28/jusjojan-2019-daily-prompt-jan-28th/
lindaghill.com 