Life in progress

Category Archives: Opinion


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#SoCS – Romance – Caution! This post has nothing to do with romance.

I never wanted to be a romance writer. That is, I never set out to be one. I’m more of a relationship writer. And let’s face it, romantic relationships are something most of us strive for, at some point in our lives.

Being interested in behaviors and the thoughts that make us all tick makes it a bit of a no-brainer that I’d write about relationships. Behaviors were explained to me in a course I took, for whatever reason, to learn about what makes my Autistic son do the things he does, and to learn to curb some of his inappropriate and unwanted behaviors. The most interesting (to me) thing I took away from that course is that we all engage in social behaviors, whether positive or negative. All the time. Every time we communicate with another human — or I suppose any living thing — we exhibit behaviors in order to get the response we hope for in return.

Smiling at a stranger, for instance, is a positive behavior. If I smile at someone, I hope for a smile in return. Okay, stay with me on this – these are just examples. If I stand in the middle of a crowded street and start crying, it might be because I hope for someone to try to comfort me, or ask me what’s wrong. This can be seen as a negative behavior. Manipulative, perhaps. Or maybe it’s a genuine cry for help.

The most important part of this is that our children do things like the last example, all the time. Whether they’re Autistic or not. Knowing, as a parent, what is a genuine cry for help and what is simply a manipulative behavior bent on getting our attention can be tricky, but discerning the difference can be a valuable tool.

Go back to the smiling thing. If I smile at, say, ten people I pass on the street and not one of them smiles back, I’m going to give up. My behavior is obviously not giving me the response I’m going for. Rather, it’s being ignored. Now take the screaming, crying child. What is yelling back at them going to do? Encourage the behavior, because it’s giving them exactly what they’re seeking. Attention. No words, and no amount of negative behavior back at them is going to stop their crying. But if we ignore it… and sometimes it can take ten times before they get it… their behavior will stop.

In the ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) program I was taking, it’s called “planned ignoring.” It’s very simple, and it works. I can attest to that.

Ah, romance. How the hell did I get here? Relationships. Right. All birds of the same feather. And this is why I’m a multi-genre but single-minded author.

This insanely all-over-the-place post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Find the rules and the prompt here: https://lindaghill.com/2017/03/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-mar-1817/ and join in. It’s insanely fun!


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#SoCS – (S)ham

I’ve been called incongruent, in so many words. And it’s true. I’m a bit of a sham. (See what I did there with the word “ham”? Feel free to play around with my prompt words as you wish.) Back on topic: how am I a sham?

Thing is, what you see of me here on my blog is the real me. You could probably recognize me in a crowd just by the way I speak and how I conduct myself, simply because you know me from here. But aside from my more comedic pieces of writing, I am not what I write, fiction-wise.

I tend toward the dark and twisted. Why? I have no idea, other than the fact that the human psyche and what we’re capable of truly fascinates me. I explore minds like one might venture into a house of horror at a fair: with no idea of what I’m getting into, but thrilled and scared of what I might find.

My upcoming novel is in line with this theme. And I have to promote it. But how, when I have all this happy going on?

I have two choices. To start all over again with an author blog, and with it, all the work that goes into gaining a following. This will be on top of my plan to start a professional site for my new editing business. OR (going back to the fiction thing)  I can revamp my fiction blog, make a separate section for the lighthearted stuff, and make it all dark and gloomy, like my new book. Gloomy, but entertaining! Of course.

Or, here’s a crazy idea — write my darker stuff under a pseudonym.

I dunno. I have a hard time figuring out whether or not people could conceive of the idea that I can be me — as you see me here and know me — and still think of me as a Gothic paranormal romance/horror writer? I’m probably over-thinking it all. GAH! Stream of consciousness writing can go two ways: it can help us sort things out or help us tangle them up.

What do you think? Should I even change this blog into something darker? I’m thinking no. I need to be me somewhere.

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This tangled mess of a post is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link and see how you, too, can join in the madness: https://lindaghill.com/2017/02/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-1817/


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#SoCS – Hairy

Parenting is fun, isn’t it? Especially when you have to deal with a behavior-challenged child. Like mine. But I got the perfect teaching moment today, so I decided to go with it.

We’ve been having an issue with Alex bullying the dog. Luckily Winston is extremely patient and tolerant to having his ears pulled, his tail yanked on, being pinched, punched and kicked. I have a hard time dealing with it most of the time because it’s difficult to find anything to really punish Alex with that makes an impact. Until today.

He was waiting to go on his beloved bus ride around town. We were sitting together on the couch, both involved in what we were each doing. When Alex thought I wasn’t looking, he reached out and pinched the dog. For absolutely no reason whatsoever – the dog was sleeping beside him. I told him to stop – he looked me right in the eye and did it again. So that was it. No bus ride.

Alex cried. And cried and cried. He tried stroking Winston, he tried apologizing to both of us, but no. I stuck to my guns and told him if he was nice all day to the dog, I’d let him go on his bus ride tomorrow.  So he cried and sobbed, and choked on his own spit… then he kicked the dog, hard enough to make him yelp. No bus tomorrow, and he had to go up to his room.

Now his room is another story altogether. I have to take his little tv and his dvd player/vcr out of there, along with his lamp because I never know what he’s going to break next, and those are the things I can’t afford. The good news is — yes, there is some good news — he has learned the hard way not to break his movies. I have to admit that it hurt to let him do it. I made sure I took the ones out I really wanted to keep (this was months ago) and I just let him smash them. Standing outside his room listening to my money getting ready for the garbage was one of the most painful but teachable moments I’ve ever had with him.

And so I’m hoping this weekend’s lack of bus rides will be as well. The poor dog is such a lovely creature. Suffice to say though, today has been hairy.

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This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to read more about it and to find all the other awesome posts! https://lindaghill.com/2017/02/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-417/

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Just Jot It Jan 30 – History

Everyone knows the saying, Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it (not necessarily the exact quote – it’s too late at night to look it up).  When we hear it, it’s usually said in the context of the history of the world. Things like when Germany voted in Hitler… that sort of stuff.

But it’s true on a much smaller scale. We get it every time we learn something by experience. From falling in love with the wrong person, all the way down to walking into the corner of the damned bed frame every time we enter the spare bedroom. *rubs bruise* Hell, even Pavlov’s dog learned from what had happened before.

That’s just one direction though. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I’ve come up with a theory. (It’s probably not new, but if someone else has already thought of it, I’m not aware.) You’d better be sitting down for this one.

What if our whole world is some higher power’s history gone wrong for the umpteenth time? What if whoever built the pyramids went through all the same crap we’re going through, and all they lacked was something other than the pyramids themselves to prove they existed? What if… what if the best thing we have to prove we were here is plastic? That would make the pyramid people better than us! That would mean we’re a worse, more throw-away version, of someone stubbing their toe on the furniture than… than the dinosaurs!!

Yeah, I need more sleep.

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Thanks go to KL Caley for our prompt today, “history.” Check out her blog here: https://new2writing.wordpress.com/about-me/

And don’t forget it’s still not to late to join in the Just Jot It January challenge! Click here for details: https://lindaghill.com/2017/01/29/jusjojan-daily-prompt-jan-29th17/


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#SoCS and Just Jot It Jan 28 – Distraction

Hello? Can I come out now? Is the world sane in here? I really should know better than to spend the day reading Facebook. It seems the craziness is getting crazier out there, and I feel kinda helpless to do anything, you know? I would…

I was on Anne Rice’s FB page today. She was saying pretty much the same thing I was thinking – too distracted to work. My answer to her in the comments was that it’s we writers (yes, I actually had the balls to put myself in her category) need to write to give people the escape they need. Especially in times like these. Writers give the world not only books, but movies, shows, articles… truth and lies and fantasies through which to travel outside of reality, if for only a little while.

I read somewhere yesterday that we are in a state of low-level stress. In a place where anything could happen at any given moment. We’re on our toes so much more than ever before, for most of us. At least for such a prolonged period.

But here I am bringing the crazy here. I want to forget about it for a while. Get lost in a book that has no fighting. (Guess A Game of Thrones is out.) I need a romance novel, something light, something that will take my mind off it all. I may even be forced into watching TV for a change. Or a movie. Yeah, a movie. Time to put Netflix to good use.

I’m going to hang around and read some blogs first… 🙂 Hope you’ve all had a good day, my friends.

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This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday and…

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Just Jot It January! Click the link to join in and read some awesome posts! https://lindaghill.com/2017/01/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-and-jusjojan-jan-2817/


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Just Jot It Jan 27 – Incomplete

The word “incomplete” has been running around in my head all day. Somewhere at the back, where it hasn’t been in the way much. I’ve been trying to figure out what, in my life, is complete. The final conclusion is nothing. But why?

Well, if I really think about it (in the front of my head), if something is complete, I usually set it aside. And sometimes I forget it. This is a good thing, of course, if the complete thing is not a thing I wanted to keep anyway. So what of the things I do wish to hold onto?

I wouldn’t want a relationship to be complete, because what would be the challenge after that? Things that aren’t challenging become boring. Take games, for example. An unchallenging game, like playing Crazy Eights against myself, would quickly turn into a game of 52-card pickup. For me at least. That’s why they invented Solitaire. I’m convinced of it.

And even worse, who would want someone else to complete them? Oh yeah, the end of Jerry Maguire is romantic and all. But just imagine it. Being completed. You wouldn’t need to get up in the morning.

“Honey, breakfast is on the table!”

“Not coming down today, Sweetheart.”

“But, I made pancakes! And coffee!”

“Nope! I’m done. You did me!”

That would be awful! I’m so glad I’m incomplete.

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Many thanks go to Cyn for our prompt today, “incomplete.” You can check out her latest post here: https://cynk.wordpress.com/2017/01/27/fitness-friday-secret-identity/ Go say hi!

And Just Jot It January is still a fun challenge, even if the month is almost complete. Why? ‘Coz you can join in any time! Click here for details and to read all the awesome posts: https://lindaghill.com/2017/01/27/jusjojan-daily-prompt-jan-27th17/


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Just Jot It Jan 24 – Elusive

“Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word.” ~ Stephen King

I used to agree with this wholeheartedly. I still do agree with the gist of it; if it’s not a word you regularly use in your everyday vocabulary, then you’re writing outside of your own voice. And your authorial voice is, arguably, the one thing people read you for. You as opposed to the thousands of other authors who write in the same genre, the same tropes over and over again.

But now? Now that I can’t remember my kids’ names half the time and I often get stuck on a word I know I know, but I just can’t spit it out? The thesaurus has become my favourite book. Can’t come up with that word I use all the time that means “thingamajig”? Look it up in the thesaurus and there it is. It’s a “doohickey”!

Sorry, Mr. King, but I can’t live without my thesaurus. And no, it’s not the wrong word. It’s just the word that went for a stroll. The one I can’t find. You know, the “elusive” one. Yeah, that’s the word.

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Thanks to Evelyn of Eclectic Evelyn for today’s prompt word, “elusive.” You can find her latest post here: http://www.eclecticevelyn.com/welcome-snapchat-wordlesswednesday/

And an enormous thank you to Judy, the hostess with the mostess for the last few days. I can’t express how much I’ve appreciated her help. You can find Judy’s elusive post here: http://www.edwinasepisodes.com/jujojan-january-24th-elusive/ Let’s have a big round of applause for Judy!! 😀

And finally, here’s the daily post with today’s Just Jot It January prompt. Click and join in! https://lindaghill.com/2017/01/23/jusjojan-daily-prompt-jan-24th-elusive/


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Just Jot It Jan 23 – Compromise

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with compromise. It’s the most wonderful thing in the world to be able to come to an acceptable agreement between two people who want two different things. That is when compromise is a fantastic tool.

But on the other hand, I’m a bit of a control freak. Especially when it comes to the things I want for my family and for myself. If anything stands in the way of what my children need, there is no compromise. Until I’m told there is no possibility, I refuse to give an inch. And I’m the same with the things I want to do for myself. My new career(s) as an author and an editor, for instance. I will not give them up, and I will not compromise my chances of success.

And then there’s my blog. I’ve tried negotiating with it, but strangely, it still demands the same number of hours a day now as it did when I began, four years ago. Back then, I stalked visited other blogs, sometimes six hours a day just hoping for follows. Now that I’ve become somewhat successful at it, new bloggers often come to me. I could very easily still spend six hours a day visiting everyone who visits me. To understand my dilemma, please see the previous paragraph.

It’s a tough call. With my kids, compromise is cut and dry. If I want something different than someone I care about does, that, too, is easy. I compromise. But this work/blog thing is tearing me. I hate to say it, but something, one day, is going to have to give a bit. And I need food on the table.

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Our prompt today was brought to you by the lovely Ritu. Please go and visit, and read her Just Jot It January post here: https://butismileanyway.com/2017/01/23/jusjojan-daily-prompt-jan-23rd17-compromise/

And a very special thanks to Judy for hosting today’s prompt! I encourage you to visit Judy at her blog here: http://www.edwinasepisodes.com/jusjotjan-january-23-compromise/

Finally, go to today’s prompt post and read all the other excellent posts here: https://lindaghill.com/2017/01/22/jusjojan-daily-prompt-jan-23rd-compromise/


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Just Jot It Jan 20 – Transcendence

Worry. What good does it do us? And yet we all do it. It’s what keeps us up at night, and makes us walk into rooms with no idea what we are there for. Because it causes us stress – the kind that separates our minds from what we should be focusing on.

From Pinterest

From Pinterest

I believe happiness can be found in the lack of seeking it. So I strive to be content with what I have. But I think true contentedness can only be found through the ability to transcend worry. To worry is to imagine the worst for the future. If this is true, then the answer is to live in the present. Not only to fully appreciate what I have right here and now — relatively clean air to breathe, simply that I am alive — but to fully concentrate on what I am doing at any given moment. In that moment, there can be no worry.

I have to strive to stop looking ahead to what might be. And love what is now.

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Thank you to Deborah of Notes Tied on the Sagebrush for our prompt word today, “Transcendent.” Please give her a visit and read her latest post here: https://notestiedonthesagebrush.com/2017/01/19/transcendent/

And don’t forget to check out the JusJoJan prompt here, to read all the other posts and to join in! https://lindaghill.com/2017/01/20/jusjojan-daily-prompt-jan-20th17/


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Just Jot It Jan 13 – Hospital

Prepare for a bit of a rant.

My darling son, Alex, with whom many of you are familiar, is deathly afraid of the dentist. So much so, that the dentist refuses to clean his teeth for fear of harming him as he thrashes about.

A couple of months ago, the dentist put in a referral to a hospital in Kingston where he sometimes works, to have Alex seen by anaesthesia with the goal of having him put under for a cleaning. However, that particular hospital lacks the resources to look after Alex if something goes wrong with his heart — he has a heart condition. Result: denied.

Now we have to go back once again to the Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario (CHEO), which is about a three-hour drive each way, not once but three times. First for a consultation, then to see their anaesthesia department, and finally for the “surgery” itself. This last time, we’ll have to stay overnight, because they’ll want us there at 6:00am.

Don’t get me wrong – CHEO is a wonderful hospital. But this new thing of having to go there for teeth-cleaning every year is for the birds. Life was much easier when I could get there in 45 minutes from where I lived. …which was a good thing, since Alex lived there for the first eight months of his life. But many of you, as I said before, already knew this.

I just wanted to bitch a bit. I feel better now.

Thanks for listening.

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Thanks very much to Charlene Bullard from http://faithtoraisenate.com/ for the prompt of the day: “Hospital.”

Did you know you can join in Just Jot It January any time? Click the link and find out how! https://lindaghill.com/2017/01/13/jusjojan-daily-prompt-jan-13th17/